


Jungkook's Story

by CloudLeopard



Series: Brokeback Bangtan [11]
Category: K-pop, 방탄소년단 | Bangtan Boys | BTS
Genre: Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Angst, Blow Jobs, Epic Love, Growing Old Together, Hand Jobs, Love, M/M, Marriage
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-30
Updated: 2019-03-30
Packaged: 2019-12-26 20:13:47
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 19
Words: 48,037
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18289436
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CloudLeopard/pseuds/CloudLeopard
Summary: Brokeback Bangtan from Jungkook's side.From a glimpse into his childhood to the very end.





	1. Eight

**Author's Note:**

> For everyone who read, kudosed and commented on the other chapters, and anyone who has wondered if I would ever complete Jungkook's promised side of the story, I can only apologise. The end of last year and beginning of this year has been such a rollercoaster, my writing as a whole got pushed to one side. 
> 
> Where Jimin told me his story freely, whispering inspiration into my ear almost constantly, Jungkook has been the opposite. Despite thinking I knew him well, I have struggled to understand him and the tiny snippets he has allowed to slip.
> 
> This has not turned out how I expected it to, but if I keep struggling with it, keep deleting and re-writing, then it will never be done.
> 
> So here it is, finally, not perfect but I think it's as good as I'm going to get it.
> 
>  
> 
> And I had considered telling the others stories, Taehyung and how he truly felt about Jungkook, Yoongi and how he not only survived his childhood but thrived, Namjoon and Seokjin and their struggles and finally triumphs on their road to parenthood and of course Hoseok and just where the hell did he disappear off to. Their stories are in my head, and maybe one day, but for now, I am leaving the Brokeback Bangtan universe here.

When he was eight years old, Jungkook found out that parents keep secrets, and sometimes those secrets are really big. Quite by accident, he found out that he had an uncle that he never knew about before. It was completely unexpected, his family was a close one and they enjoyed family get-togethers on both of his parent’s sides. It was at one such gathering, with his grandparents on his mother’s side, her sister and his cousins that Jungkook had found out that someone was missing. His mum and her sister had been talking furtively, and ever the inquisitive child, Jungkook had snuck closer, listening. His aunt’s voice had been low but almost pleading.

 

“He misses you, wants to meet his nephew, what is wrong with that?” she’d asked.

 

“And how does he even know about Jungkook?” his mum had bitten back, her tone soft but the underlying anger clear, making Jungkook listen more closely after hearing his name.

 

His aunt had sighed, “you know it was me, you know I told him, he is our brother and he doesn’t deserve to be cut out like this,” she’d said sadly.

 

“He is living with another man,” Jungkook’s mum had snapped back, “if you think I’m going to let him have anything to do with my child then you are wrong.”

 

Jungkook had retreated at this point, pulled back into a game with his cousins, but his mind was elsewhere. His mum had a brother? And that brother lived with another man? It wasn’t something that he’d really heard of before, and, honestly, it sounded kind of awesome. Girls were really annoying, living with another boy sounded cool, you could do whatever you wanted to without having to think about what some dumb ass girl wanted to do. It was years before he truly understood why his mum was so against her brother living with another man.


	2. Twelve

He was twelve when he realised there was something different about him, something that set him apart from the other boys in his year. That was the year that girls became a thing, where they changed from being either playmates or an annoyance to being something else, something alluring. Jungkook felt it too, he did, the way their bodies were changing, that their mannerisms were changing was both fascinating and a bit scary, but he felt it too for the boys around him. The way that they were filling out, growing facial hair, growing other hair that he sometimes glimpsed in the changing rooms, but the others only spoke of the girls. He wasn’t stupid, he knew that what he felt towards the girls was right and normal and what he felt towards the boys wasn’t. There was very little exposure to homosexuality back then, and what there was he was quickly distracted away from, especially if he happened to be with his parents. He never made the link between his missing uncle and his mum's increasingly obvious attitude, he just knew he was on his own, and really needed to keep his feelings to himself.


	3. Fourteen

When he was fourteen, and he’d sat on his confusing feelings for a couple of years his friendship group really started to come together, and he really started to get to know himself and accept himself. He’d dated girls in the oh so innocent way that they did back then, a bit of holding hands, and maybe meeting down the park for an illicit stolen kiss.

It was at the park one day, with his girlfriend at the time, god he couldn’t even recall her face now, never mind her name, his memories of her are hazy, but the memories of what he’d witnessed with his own two eyes for the first time remained burned into his brain.

Namjoon and Seokjin were in his year, but not his class, he knew who they were, knew their names, but other than that, until that day, had barely given them a second thought. They always hung out in a three, with another boy, Hoseok, and they usually kept to themselves, flew under the radar, so it was unusual to see just the two of them that day in the park.

Jungkook and the girl had made their way into the trees that surrounded the playground, a popular place to go when you had nowhere else to kiss. They were just about at the deepest point of the woods when they heard noises, little whimpers and moans. Jungkook remembered he’d grinned to himself, almost eager to see what they’d stumbled upon. He hadn’t expected to see Namjoon pressed firmly up against a tree by Seokjin, their mouths wide against each other’s, tongues licking into each other. He most certainly hadn’t expected to see hands down between their bodies, furiously jerking each other off as they moaned into each other’s mouths. The girl he’d been with had actually screamed, crashing off back out of the woods before Jungkook could formulate any coherent thoughts.

Seokjin had sprung away from Namjoon at the noise, and they were both flushed bright red as they hastily refastened their trousers, not so quickly that Jungkook didn’t catch a glimpse of Namjoon’s cock, looking darkly flushed and eye wateringly solid.

The three boys had eyed each other, all in a state of shock before Namjoon had blurted out,

 

“please don’t tell anyone.”

 

Jungkook had let out a little hysterical giggle at that, because who the fuck was he going to tell? He’d shaken his head though, feeling like he was barely breathing, the image of the two of them burned into his retinas, and Seokjin was the one to spot Jungkook’s own little problem.

 

“Are you…do you, you know, like boys?” he’d asked, eyes flickering down very briefly to where Jungkook’s cock was betraying him, tenting out the front of his trousers.

 

His reaction had been instant, growling back, “no,” to Seokjin’s impertinent question.

 

But Seokjin wasn’t to be so easily swayed, “no?” he’d questioned softly.

 

Jungkook swallowed down hard, before mumbling, “maybe, I don’t know.”

 

Seokjin had smiled at him, nodding, before reaching for Namjoon’s hand to head out of the woods “sit with us at lunch tomorrow?” he’d asked Jungkook as they ’d drawn level with him.

 

Jungkook had just shrugged, not entirely sure what to make of anything that had happened in the last ten minutes or so.

 

But he had sat next to them the next day, and he’d got to know them, and Hoseok too, and it had been cool. They’d helped him to work out his feelings, he’d ended up asking them the most excruciating questions, all of them tomato red by the end of their discussions, but it had been good, cathartic, and they’d grown to be his best friends quicker than he would have expected.

 

 

He already knew Yoongi, they’d been teammates on the basketball court for years, Yoongi always kept to himself. He had a reputation, right from an early age, of being aloof, a loner. As he grew so did the rumours, Yoongi was dangerous, someone to be avoided, the fact that he showed up at school bruised more often than not only fuelled the rumours, the fact that he had to be benched on multiple occasions due to broken limbs solidified those rumours, so, unless he had to speak to him, Jungkook stayed away.

Jungkook stayed away right up until the day that he was running late for school, sprinting through the streets he almost barrelled right into Yoongi, who was looking in a rubbish bin for something. It wasn’t until Jungkook stopped, an apology ready on his lips, that he noticed that Yoongi was holding what looked like the remnants of someone’s discarded takeout.

He was fourteen at the time, and so innocent apart from the sex stuff that his new trio of friends were filling his head with, so he couldn’t think of a single reason why Yoongi would be holding that food like he was going to take a bite out of it. He was even more confused by the fact that Yoongi looked like he was going to cry at being caught.

 

“What are you doing?” he’d asked, his tone betraying his bemusement.

 

“Nothing,” Yoongi had spat at him, pushing the food back into the bin, taking a beat too long to let it go before turning away.

 

Jungkook didn’t understand, but at that moment, he could feel the pain rolling off Yoongi in waves, and he just wanted to make it better somehow.  
Yoongi had started to walk away but Jungkook had grabbed his wrist, it had felt alarmingly small in Jungkook’s fingers,

 

“are you hungry?” he’d asked, tone almost incredulous.

 

Yoongi had made an unfathomable noise, somewhere between a frustrated groan and a sob and tried to twist his wrist out of Jungkook’s gentle grasp.

Jungkook let him go, shrugging off his backpack,

 

“wait, please,” he’d asked, “my mum always gives me too much, I always have to share,” he told Yoongi. It wasn’t strictly true, his mum packed him plenty, and some days there was enough to share, today wasn’t one of those days but something in Yoongi’s face made Jungkook realise that Yoongi needed his lunch far more than he did.

 

He passed over a sandwich first, leftovers from the café yesterday, nothing special, but Yoongi actually groaned in pleasure as he took the first mouthful, he’d blushed, but Jungkook had ignored it, smiling at Yoongi instead,

 

“good huh? My mum owns a café.”

 

They’d walked into school together that day, slowly covering the rest of the distance as Yoongi worked his way through Jungkook’s entire lunch. They’d signed in late at the office, smiling shyly to each other as they headed for separate lessons.

When Jungkook explained to his friends why he has no lunch that day they’d wordlessly passed over pieces of their own food, ensuring that he didn’t go hungry.

It had taken Jungkook a while to work out the pattern of Yoongi’s hunger, to work out when it was best to ask his mum to pack extra, he didn’t always get it right, and sometimes he and Yoongi had to share his one lunch. But they became friends, and Yoongi became the fifth member of their group, admitting fairly early on that he didn’t really care what sex a person was, he was attracted to personality. Jungkook has never expected to end up with a group of friends who seemed to gravitate to each other because of their sexuality, but it was nothing but positive.


	4. Seventeen

He was seventeen when Taehyung had bounced into their lives three years after the others had, they were finally the oldest in the school when Taehyung transferred in. There was no doubting, right from the beginning, that he would fit into their group. He had been placed in Hoseok’s registration group, and he’d brought Taehyung along for lunch on the first day. Literally, the first words out of Taehyung’s mouth when he’d first seen Jungkook were,

 

“fuck, you’re gorgeous,” and from that day he’d never left their sides.

 

He’d flirted outrageously with Jungkook, completely unafraid by his feelings and people’s reactions to him. Taehyung was 100% honest and open and Jungkook was both charmed and terrified by him.

 

 

Jungkook’s parents were old-fashioned and they steadfastly resisted the burgeoning sexual revolution. He had been brought up to believe anything other than one boy and one girl was inherently wrong and, although his friends have opened his eyes and mind to other possibilities, as far as his parents are concerned, he will never tell them that he likes both girls and boys. So, Taehyung and his honesty and his refusal to be subtle scares Jungkook because he doesn’t want to be outed. At the same time, he wishes that he lived in a world that not only accepted that sometimes boys love boys and girls love girls, but that actually ignored it, that people didn’t even notice or really care what went on between other people.

Namjoon and Seokjin have been solidly together since they were thirteen, but they are subtle in public, never going beyond acceptable skinship, and very few people actually know that they are lovers and not just best friends.

Hoseok has yet to find someone that he’s willing to risk exposure for, so he, like Jungkook, stays single.

Yoongi has other things to worry about, between studying and working to save for uni he has very little free time, so he too, stays single.

Taehyung wants to experience everything, right now, so he is the one who leads the group to bars and clubs, he is the first one to launch himself at strangers, he is the one to lead them all astray.

For the rest of that school year, between studying, they start to spread their wings, ready for their inevitable escape from this town.

Jungkook takes his chance with strangers too, as do Yoongi and Hoseok, following Taehyung’s lead, and it’s good, it’s exciting, and it feels like its leading somewhere between him and Taehyung.

On graduation night, fuelled by copious amounts of alcohol, Yoongi and Hoseok lose their virginity to each other, as friends more than anything else, leaving Jungkook as the last virgin standing. The sexual tension between him and Taehyung is so palpable, it is practically visible, and Jungkook assumes that at some point over the summer, that they will get it together one way or another.


	5. Eighteen

When he was eighteen though, Park Jimin appeared in his life, and things changed forever. His first encounter with him, at his mum’s café, looking 50% awake and 100% hot were all kinds of confusing. He hadn’t been on time that morning, when was he ever? But Jimin had been waiting, looking up and down the road anxiously, rubbing at his eyes tiredly. When Jungkook had let them into the café, talking at him before he pressed the first cup of coffee into Jimin’s hands, he’d been treated to his first proper smile from Jimin and it had made his breath hitch. Jimin’s smile was blinding, crinkling up the corners of his eyes, actually making his eyes all but disappear, it felt to Jungkook like a ray of sunshine had lit up the room and from that moment he’d been smitten. On their first break that day, Jimin had practically inhaled his piece of cake, groaning almost indecently, and then letting Jungkook feed him a bite of his own cake. The moans and sighs Jimin had uttered sending sparks of lust down to his groin, making him instantly hard in the courtyard, making him panic that Jimin might notice. He’d headed back to work via the toilets, thankful that it was fully lockable, and brought himself to the quickest and quietest orgasm he’d ever had, replaying Jimin’s moans in his head.

The early shifts had never been so appealing as when he spent them with Jimin, the first week had flown by and, on Friday, Jungkook hadn’t wanted to say goodbye to Jimin, hadn’t wanted to spend the weekend without him, so, on a total whim, he’d asked Jimin to come out with him and his friends that night. This would be the ultimate acid test for Jimin, because although Jungkook has his hopes up about Jimin’s sexuality, he can’t bring himself to ask outright, until he’d had a couple of drinks in him it turned out, finding out that he liked guys too was just the icing on the cake.

And so they’d gone out together, Jungkook clad in Jimin’s leather trousers which he’d let Jungkook keep, what had happened to those trousers? Lost in the intervening years, still one of Jungkook’s favourite memories, they’d fitted his younger slim and muscular frame beautifully. When he’d sat down with Jungkook’s friends, Jimin hadn’t batted an eyelid after being told that Namjoon’s boyfriend wasn’t out with them tonight, he had danced happily, and sometimes slightly seductively with Hoseok, and he’d succumbed to Taehyung’s kisses, Taehyung having been too drunk to realise how big Jungkook’s feelings for Jimin had already become. The only person Jimin hadn’t spoken to much that night had been Yoongi, although they’d been cautiously friendly, it had been kind of ironic how close the two had become once they were at school together. That night he’d got Jimin’s number, under the pretence of giving it to Taehyung, and it had taken everything he had to wait until Monday to send Jimin a casual text that he must have rewritten a million times before finally sending. Waiting for Jimin’s response had been excruciating, but having Jimin reply that he’d washed Jungkook’s uniform for him felt great, it made him feel like there may be a chance for them, despite Taehyung getting in there first.

 

The second week they work together is a total nightmare, his mum goes off sick which never happens, and then so does one of the other full-timers. For the first time, Jungkook is in charge and it is overwhelming. Not only is he overrun at work, but he also wants to know from Jimin just how far he and Taehyung had gone, he’d lost track of them after seeing them kissing, and he wasn’t brave enough to ask Taehyung for some stupid reason. Taehyung would have seen right through him, teasing him about his feelings for Jimin, but it wasn’t just that, there were latent feelings for Taehyung too muddying the waters. They were friends at the end of the day, really good friends. But Taehyung had never 100% knocked off the flirting with Jungkook, and part of Jungkook didn’t want him to. He hadn’t had a crush on Taehyung, not really, but he wasn’t blind, Taehyung was really very hot and honestly, Jungkook wasn’t sure who he had been more jealous of when he’d seen Taehyung and Jimin kissing. They hadn’t gone further than that though, which was mostly a relief, mostly, although a tiny part of him would probably have paid good money to watch them if they had of had sex with each other.

He’d embarrassingly burst into tears on Jimin after the second ridiculously long shift, and Jimin had been nothing but gentle with him. He’d gathered Jungkook up and taken him home. Most of which Jungkook had no recollection of. Unfortunately, he remembered all too well waking up to Jimin’s alarm clock, and realising he had unconsciously wrapped himself around Jimin in his sleep. He’d scrambled off him, choking out apologies, but Jimin hadn’t seemed phased, luckily, because, for the rest of the week, Jungkook had managed to do the same thing. 

Going home that Friday night to get ready to go out had actually felt a bit strange, he’d got far too used to staying with Jimin, far too comfortable in his presence, it was scary how easily he’d slipped into domesticity with him. That was the night he’d first seen how talented Jimin was artistically. When he’d told him that he drew, Jungkook really had no idea of his skills. When Jimin had pointed out some family pictures, which Jungkook had taken for photographs as he’d walked past them multiple times, he finally understood the extent of Jimin’s skills. He’d stared for a very long time, able to make out insane levels of details that Jimin had brought to life with simple tools, and he’d been genuinely awed.

The night out had been messier than he’d intended, confused by his feelings for Taehyung and overwhelmed by his feelings for Jimin, Jungkook had got drunk. He drank to escape, he drank to give him courage, and he drank to try and blot out the sights of Taehyung and Jimin flirting, it both making him jealous and turned on. He most definitely hadn’t intended to be sent home with Jimin again, too drunk to be sent home to his parents. Once he’d realised what was going on, that he was in Jimin’s bed again, he’d sobered up kind of quickly. Taehyung and Jimin hadn’t done anything else together tonight, Jungkook didn’t feel like he was stepping on any toes, and the alcohol and his nakedness had given him much more courage than he usually had. 

He’d wriggled over to Jimin, feigning sleep, wondering if Jimin will let him cuddle up when he’s naked or if he’ll push him away. Jungkook presses himself into Jimin’s side, trying to be still but, once he’d located Jimin’s nipple, his hips had unconsciously started to move, wanting to do something to ease the pressure in his dick. And then he’d pinched Jimin’s nipple and he’d actually fucking moaned back. Jungkook couldn’t stop himself, reaching for Jimin’s neck, pulling him down gently but insistently and connecting their lips for the first time, kissing Jimin hard and sloppily, right up until Jimin tried to stop him. He tried to insist that Jungkook was drunk, that he was going to regret this, but fuck, Jimin was so wrong. To prove it, Jungkook had reached for Jimin’s dick, intending to stroke him to hardness, but there had been no need, Jimin’s dick was solid and begging for attention. That told Jungkook all he needed to know, he wasn’t the only one into this. He really wasn’t, Jimin was suddenly pulling off his underwear and rolling over in Jungkook’s arms, stroking Jungkook’s dick too. It was desperate, quick and hard, and Jimin had come first, his dick pulsing and jumping in Jungkook’s fist. Jungkook hadn’t held out long after that, answering Jimin’s orgasm with his own, rolling over onto his back shortly afterwards, suddenly fighting exhaustion. He’d been treated to the sight of Jimin sucking and licking at his fingers before he drifted off though and, if he hadn’t just come and he hadn’t been too drunk to stay awake, the sight alone would probably have gotten him hard all over again, Jimin had looked dirtily blissed out, and it was sexy as hell.

He’d woken earlier than Jimin, dehydrated and with a headache, he’d decided that Jimin wouldn’t mind too much if he helped himself to a coffee. He hadn’t been sat on the sofa long, nursing the cup when a wary looking Jimin had approached him. When Jimin had asked him if he remembered last night, Jungkook understood, Jimin was nervous he might have taken advantage of Jungkook, when really the opposite was true. He’d waved off Jimin’s concerns, confirming he remembered everything, and it was something that he’d most definitely wanted to do, he only hoped that Jimin felt the same. They’d kissed again, and Jungkook had confessed that he had feelings for Jimin and that he’d been jealous of Taehyung, and Jimin had been sweet. He was going to have a shower, actually, they both were, but Jimin had taken one look at Jungkook’s erection and asked so nicely if he could suck Jungkook off, and who was he to say no?

Jimin had deep throated him almost instantly, and that had most definitely been a new experience for Jungkook. He’s had a couple of blowjobs before, and given a couple too, they’d been pretty good, or so he’d thought, but Jimin was on another level. Not only was he very very good at sucking dick, but he also got off on it too. Shortly after Jimin had let him come down his throat he’d crawled into Jungkook’s lap, rutting his dick into the hard plains of Jungkook’s stomach. Jungkook had wrapped a hand around it instinctively and offered to suck Jimin off in return, privately thinking that if Jimin agreed he was probably going to be disappointed, but he didn’t get to find out, because the suggestion was enough to make Jimin come all over his chest for the second time.  
They had finally showered after that, and Jungkook had left, dressed in Jimin’s clothes again, grinning happily to himself.

 

He knew he had to speak to Taehyung. He left it on Saturday, wanting to enjoy the memories of his Friday night and Saturday morning with Jimin. But Taehyung had texted him, repeatedly, and by Sunday morning he couldn't put it off any longer. He’d texted, asking if he could go over and Taehyung had obviously said yes, probably wondering why Jungkook had been ignoring him and then suddenly wanting to talk face to face. He’d opened the door, looking curious.

 

“Hey Kook, come in,” he led Jungkook up to his room, somewhere they’d spent countless hours hanging out together, sitting on the bed, Taehyung waiting patiently for Jungkook to start to talk.

 

“Tae, I…” Jungkook started before he froze.

 

“You?” Taehyung prompted.

 

“Kind of like Jimin I guess,” Jungkook told him quietly, adding, “sorry,” after.

 

“Why sorry?” Taehyung questioned, looking confused now.

 

“You and him, you know,” Jungkook mumbled, “you kissed him first.”

 

Taehyung laughed, “not like I have dibs on him,” he chuckled before stopping, “wait, I kissed him first? Does that mean you’ve kissed him too?”

 

Jungkook looked at Taehyung, trying to gauge his reaction, and nodded slightly.

 

Taehyung grinned back, “so you like him, and you’ve kissed him? I guess he likes you too then?” he asked.

 

Jungkook shrugged, “I guess, he said I was hot, and he sucked me off, so yeah?” he said, not entirely sure about Jimin’s feelings, but hopeful.

 

“Wait, he sucked your dick too? Start from the beginning Kook, I want all of the details,” Taehyung demanded, a lecherous grin on his face.

 

So Jungkook recapped, how he’d come on to Jimin, and how they’d jerked each other off before falling asleep in each other’s arms. And how Jimin had been concerned in the morning but how sweet and giggly he’d been when Jungkook had confessed. He might have gone into a bit too many details into Jimin’s blow job technique, but honestly, Jimin deserved to be bragged about.

 

“He likes you too,” was Taehyung’s response, and Jungkook hadn’t been able to stop himself blushing just a little bit.

 

“Yeah?” he asked Taehyung softly, hopefully.

 

Taehyung reached for him, hugging him tight, “yeah,” he breathed into Jungkook’s hair, “he likes you.”

 

“And you’re ok with that?” he’d asked Taehyung, with his face still pressed into his chest.”

 

He felt Taehyung’s gentle rumbling laugh, “I’m happy if you’re happy Kook, you know that.”

 

It wasn’t until Jungkook was back home, in his own bed and on the verge of sleep that he realised that Taehyung hadn’t really answered his last question.

 

 

Jimin is bloody grinning when Jungkook arrives just a little bit late to work the following Monday morning. Taehyung hadn’t been able to leave well alone, texting Jimin in his usual drama queen fashion. Jungkook hadn’t known whether to laugh or cry when Taehyung admitted that he’d let slip to Jimin that he knew about the blow job, he had no idea how Jimin would feel about him gossiping to his best friend, judging from the grin though, he was cool.

 

“I’m really sorry about Tae yesterday,” he told Jimin, apologising not only for Taehyung’s indiscretion but his own.

 

Jimin had grinned widely back at him, “no worries, I’m kind of flattered that you were so impressed with my blow job skills,” he’d replied, and god he was loud.

 

Jungkook had panicked instantly, his mum was here for god’s sake. He and Jimin had had a hissed conversation after that, Jungkook almost angry with Jimin for being so fucking casual. He threw himself into work, avoiding Jimin, avoiding touching him in case someone had overheard and decided to tell his mum, or worse, if his mum had heard and was now watching the pair of them for any suspicious signs. Honestly, Jungkook could kind of cry, he had just a few more weeks of hiding his true self before he could escape and do whatever the fuck he liked with whoever in Seoul, the last thing he needed was Jimin outing him and bringing the wrath and judgement of his parents down on him. He could see that Jimin was hurt, and confused, but while they were at work there was nothing Jungkook could do to explain or comfort him. He liked Jimin, he really did, but if Jimin couldn’t be discrete then Jungkook would have to stay away, no matter how good he was at sucking dick. He deliberately hung back at the end of their shift, letting Jimin leave, barely giving him a goodbye so as not to arouse his mother’s suspicion. 

He’s not a total dick though, he doesn’t want to leave Jimin hanging, and so, once he’s finished, he heads round to Jimin’s house, only hoping that Jimin will let him in to explain. Of course he does, he’s sweet and caring to Jungkook, which makes Jungkook feel even more like a dickhead. He explains the best he can, about his parents, his friends, even Hyejin. He cringes a bit at Jimin’s reaction to his relationship with her, which makes Jungkook feel a bit uncomfortable. He’s known Hyejin since they were very young, both of their sets of parents expect them to marry one day, and neither of them has really spoken out against it, at least not to their parents. Between the two of them, they have talked a bit, joking about the ridiculousness of having an arranged marriage in this day and age, teasing each other that at least they have the option of the other one if they get to a ripe old age and no one else has found them attractive. Jungkook likes Hyejin, he really does, and in some ways, he does love her, she is smart and cute and easy to talk to. He doesn’t want to marry her though, doesn’t want to marry anyone yet. He does like girls, but probably not as much as he likes boys, but, if he had to be with a girl, it would be someone like Hyejin.

The air is cleared somewhat after his talk with Jimin, but not enough to relax at work, Jimin seemed to listen to him, seemed to understand why Jungkook doesn’t want to be outed to his parents, and thankfully he’s not as much of a loose cannon as Taehyung is when it comes to indiscretion. But Jungkook’s mum is used to Taehyung and his silly ways, and she takes no notice when he drapes himself all over Jungkook, professing his undying love and demanding attention. Taehyung’s behaviour is easily laughed off as just his exuberant personality. But Jimin is different, he is more sensible, more mature and more believable. If he ever let slip that he was gay, Jungkook knows that his mum would instantly believe Jimin, and probably never have him back at the café again. So Jungkook is nervous and on edge for the rest of the week, still keeping his physical distance from Jimin, acting like they’re just work colleagues and that he hasn’t had his hand on Jimin’s cock, and his own dick lodged down his throat. It’s exhausting, and by Friday, Jungkook just needs a break. 

 

 

He should invite Jimin out, he should, and part of him wants to. This week has been torture, there is nothing he wants more than to see Jimin dressed up fucking sexily and dancing like the god of sin again. And he wants more, he wants Jimin’s hands on him, his lips on him, he wants everything. But Jungkook is a coward so, even when Jimin looks somewhat hopefully at him every time they speak on Friday, Jungkook says nothing, doesn’t invite him out, leaves him hanging.

He goes home and gets himself ready, eyes looking longingly at Jimin’s leather trousers, but rejecting them in favour of some excessively ripped jeans. He looks hot tonight, and he knows it, but no matter how much he drinks and dances, he cannot get into the mood. He gets spectacularly drunk, Taehyung getting bored with his miserable face and pouring a probably inadvisable number of drinks into him in an attempt to stop him being such a fucking downer.

 

 

He wakes up with the most unbelievable headache and vile churning in his stomach. Thankfully his hungover brain recognises Jimin’s bedroom, so he knows exactly where the bathroom is to bolt to and vomit. It’s still early, he’s probably only been asleep for a couple of hours, and he has woken up alone in Jimin’s bed. Initially, he’s relieved that Jimin isn’t seeing him in this state, but then the paranoia kicks in, if Jimin isn’t in his bed, then where the hell is he? His question is answered when he creeps out to the kitchen to get some very badly needed coffee and sees Jimin curled up on the couch, looking cramped and uncomfortable but thankfully asleep. He tries to make coffee, but his shaking fingers fumble with the mug he’s attempting to grab, and it falls, smashing to the floor, scattering pieces everywhere and momentarily stunning Jungkook with the pain of the sudden jarring noise. It does, of course, wake up Jimin, who comes into the kitchen looking tired, admonishing Jungkook gently and banishing him from the kitchen.

He tries to talk to Jimin, but he’s quietly shot down, leaving Jungkook alone on the couch under the blankets that are still warm from Jimin’s body, while he showers. Jungkook stays until he’s had a shower and is sober enough to get himself home. Jimin is nice, but he’s distant this morning, and Jungkook knows that whatever he did last night fucked things up properly. He can’t go home yet, can’t face his parents, and so he goes to Taehyung’s, sneaking in his bedroom window as he’s done so many times in the past, and slipping in his bed for desperately needed cuddles. He doesn’t mean to, but he wakes Taehyung up with his badly muffled sobs and, despite his own hangover, Taehyung holds him and comforts him. He somehow manages to cry himself back to sleep, waking up a couple of hours later to Taehyung shaking his shoulder.

 

“Hey Kook, it’s like 11 am, time to wake up.”

 

Jungkook grumbled at Taehyung, remembering too much about why he was here, unwilling to return to the real world where he was going to have to deal with this shit.

 

“Kook, we need to talk,” Taehyung persisted gently.

 

“Don’ want to,” Jungkook slurred, wrapping himself back into the blankets that Taehyung was trying to remove from him.

 

“Sorry buddy, no choice,” Taehyung told him, “we need to talk about Jimin.”

 

Jungkook groaned loudly, moaning, “no,” in his most pathetic tone.

 

“Yes,” Taehyung told him, “you like him, right?”

 

Jungkook huffed out, realising that Taehyung wasn’t going to let him off this time, “yeah,” he admitted.

 

“Have you told him that?” Taehyung asked.

 

“He knows,” Jungkook bleated.

 

“Kook, I don’t think he does,” Taehyung told him, “I, umm, might have messaged him earlier.”

 

Jungkook shot up to sitting, regretting it instantly as his head started pounding, “you what?” he questioned.

 

Taehyung blushed slightly, “well I wanted to know what had happened after I dropped you off at his to make you turn up sobbing at mine this morning at some ungodly hour.”

 

“You dropped me off at his?” Jungkook asked, trying to make sense of what had happened last night.

 

“Yes,” Taehyung huffed impatiently.

 

“I don’t remember that,” Jungkook admitted.

 

“Yeah, you were kind of out of it I guess,” Taehyung told him.

 

“Do I want to know what Jimin told you?” Jungkook winced.

 

“Nothing happened between the two of you, his choice, he seems kind of mad at the pair of us,” Taehyung told him softly.

 

“Shit,” Jungkook whispered.

 

“If you like him, you’re going to have to talk to him,” Taehyung told Jungkook, pulling out his phone, turning it on and clicking through to show Jungkook the messages from Jimin. 

 

Jungkook reads them, there’s only a couple, but the last one makes him cringe,

 

“he only likes me when he’s drunk Tae, my feelings don’t come into this, now do me a favour and butt the fuck out.”

 

“I don’t only like him when I’m drunk,” Jungkook whimpered pitifully to Taehyung.

 

“Maybe not,” Taehyung told him, “but that’s how you’ve made him feel.”

 

“Fuck,” Jungkook moaned, “I’ve totally fucked things up, he hates me.”

 

“For what it’s worth, I don’t think he does,” Taehyung consoled him, “or he wouldn’t have taken your drunken ass in last night, but you seriously do need to talk to him and sort things out.”

 

Jungkook nodded, “I know, but how?”

 

Taehyung reaches for him, and hugs him, “just be honest with him,” he advises, “he seems like a good guy.” 

 

 

Jungkook spends all of Sunday on tenterhooks, trying to work out what he’s going to say to Jimin, how he’s going to explain himself, what he could actually say to make Jimin understand him. They’re both on earlies alone together this week, it’s the perfect time to sort things out, but Jungkook is nervous. He’s awake early on Monday morning and, even dressing slowly and eating breakfast he still arrives just a couple of minutes after Jimin. Jimin looks wary, but not angry, he looks as tired as Jungkook feels and he just wants to throw himself into Jimin’s arms and beg for his forgiveness. He settles for bringing him coffee as a peace offering, knowing that Jimin struggles with the super early mornings probably more than he does.

They sit in the staff room, they probably don’t have time for this but Jungkook desperately wants to clear the air with Jimin and start again. It's cringy having to admit to Jimin that he’s never had a boyfriend before and that he likes Jimin like that, but Jimin is sweet, of course he is, and he accepts Jungkook’s apology, and tells Jungkook that he likes him too. The best part is he gets a hug from Jimin, a really lovely warm hug and he works the rest of the shift feeling like he’s got a stomach full of little squirmy bubbles.

 

 

When Friday comes around there is no question in his mind that he wants Jimin to come out with them all again, but Taehyung still texts to remind him to ask. Turns out he doesn’t entirely trust Jungkook, because he texts Jimin too, but its ok, and they have a bit of a giggle to each other about it. When he gets home Jungkook sleeps for a bit, he needs a nap after enduring another week of early mornings. He wakes up slowly, the vestiges of a vivid dream still clinging on as he comes too. The throbbing ache in his groin tells him in no uncertain terms that his dream was anything but innocent and he reaches for his cock almost subconsciously. He is beyond solid, almost desperate, his brain chases his dream as he fucks into his too dry fist. It takes no time before he’s coming, memories of Jimin’s lips and the feel of his warm wet mouth pushing him over the edge, leaving him gasping and biting hard on his own bottom lip to stop himself crying out and giving himself away to whoever is in the house.

He showers and dresses carefully, wanting to look especially good tonight, tucking himself into Jimin’s sexy leather trousers, and trying not to think about how Jimin’s cock would have been pressed up against the fabric where his is now. He teams them with a tight white t-shirt, showing off his sculpted body. He does his makeup and then sneaks out of the house as quietly as he can, not wanting to run into his dad and his no doubt disapproving face.

He gets to Jimin’s on time, and he has clearly put in some effort tonight too, he looks fucking hot. Jimin invites him in so he can finish getting ready and Jungkook cannot help but notice the all too familiar scent in the lounge. He blurts out the question before he can censor himself, making Jimin blush and disappear to the laundry with a soiled t-shirt. Jungkook doesn’t know whether to giggle or groan at the thought that they may well have been jerking off at the same time. He presses Jimin for details, enjoying making him squirm a bit, but when Jimin reveals that he had been thinking about sucking Jungkook off while he jerked himself, suddenly Jungkook isn’t so much amused as he is horny. Then Jimin is holding him, and kissing him, and Jungkook doesn’t want to go out anymore, fuck socialising and dancing, he just wants to get Jimin naked and fucking do stuff with him. But Jimin wants to dance so, reluctantly and desperately trying to tame his dick so he doesn’t have to go out hard, Jungkook relents, and they head out.

It’s a good night, Jimin talks for a bit to Yoongi about school which is good. Yoongi doesn’t say too much but Jungkook knows, like all of them, that Yoongi has things that are making him nervous about moving to Seoul so having Jimin to ask specific questions to is a good thing. Taehyung has a bit of a laugh with him too, the two of them clearing the air from their texts after Jungkook turned up sobbing last weekend. Jimin’s said Jungkook can go home with him if he doesn’t get too drunk, and that’s more than enough of an incentive for him to stay relatively sober. Late on in the night, Jimin passes him, grabbing him gently and asking him something, it’s too loud, and Jungkook misses what he says, looking back at him and shaking his head to let him know, Jimin leans in closer, practically screaming,

 

“sex, you top or bottom?” into his ear.

 

Jungkook is instantly mortified, this really isn’t the place to be discussing his experience, or total lack of it, with Jimin. He pulls him towards the bathrooms, at least they won’t have to scream at each other in here.

 

It is in this bathroom, a typical slightly seedy nightclub bathroom, that Jungkook confesses to Jimin that he is, in fact, a virgin. Jimin looks more shocked than he was expecting, making him feel kind of dumb for a minute, making him more determined than ever to fuck Jimin and have rid of the embarrassing label. He hasn’t spent that much time really considering if he’d prefer to be giving or receiving the dick, but when Jimin tells him he prefers to be the one getting fucked, Jungkook is happy enough with that. Then Jimin suggests they get out of there and then Jungkook is suddenly distractingly aroused, and yes, he wants this.

 

They can’t get out of there without dramas, of course, Taehyung is drunk as hell and in an interfering mood. Firstly, demanding to know what Jimin’s intentions are, and then trying to make sure that they are going to be fucking safely, excellent sentiments but useless when he’s too drunk to know what he’s forcing on Jimin and Jungkook.

He has to go and see Namjoon, Taehyung refuses to take his bank card back, and Jungkook doesn’t want to take responsibility for it tonight, or for getting it back to him in the morning. Namjoon isn’t stupid, he can see what’s been going on and can work out where Jungkook is going now. They have been through so much together over the last few years, and Namjoon is sober enough to give Jungkook the talk that Taehyung has been trying to give him.

 

“Tonight’s the night?” Namjoon questions Jungkook carefully.

 

Jungkook flushes again, shrugging his shoulders, “yeah, I guess.”

 

“You trust him, right? Like him? Want this?” Namjoon checks, making 100% sure Jungkook knows what he’s doing.

 

“Yes, yes and yes, dad,” Jungkook replies slightly sarcastically.

 

Namjoon rolls his eyes, “someone’s got to look out for our little maknae,” he quipped, “condoms and lube, and take your time, you can always say no, ok?”

 

Jungkook nods, “Jimin’s not like that, honestly,” he reassures Namjoon.

 

“Do you have condoms?” Namjoon checks.

 

Jungkook shakes his head, “no, but if he doesn’t, we can, like, get stuff on the way back to his right?”

 

“You have enough money?” Namjoon asks, going for his wallet.

 

“Oh my god yes,” Jungkook tells him, “it's fine, I can handle this, honestly.”

 

“Fine, go,” Namjoon tells him fondly, “I’m sober driver tonight though, let me know if you need me ok? Use Yoongi’s word if it’s an emergency.”

 

Namjoon may be the same age as Jungkook, but he feels properly taken care of right now, and he’s grateful. They’d devised Yoongi’s code word nearly four years ago now, after one particularly nasty beating that he’d taken from his father. It was the first time that his parents hadn’t taken him to the hospital, deciding in their infinite wisdom that now he was fourteen, Yoongi was old enough to look after himself. It had resulted in him spending nearly two days with a badly broken wrist, home alone and unable to reach out for help. When he’d turned up at school on Monday, fingers stiff from lack of use and wrist black and blue and almost twice its original size they’d bundled him straight to the school nurse. Once he was fixed up and on the road to recovery, they’d talked, all horrified and sad that Yoongi hadn’t rung at least one of them. They were all fourteen at the time, too young to be dealing with such awful situations, and not quite sure how they could. Yoongi was notoriously bad at asking for help, even when he was in pain or really hungry, so they’d devised a word, something that Yoongi could tell them, or text them, to let them know that he needed help now. It had taken them a while to come up with a word that wasn’t so daft it was funny or so obscure that they’d never remember it, they had a shitty one for a few years, and thankfully they didn’t have to use it too often. But it changed after Taehyung joined them when they let him in on the code and he suggested they use purple instead.

 

“For bruises,” Yoongi had concluded darkly.

 

Taehyung had shaken his head, “no,” he told them, uncharacteristically quietly, “it’s the last colour of the rainbow, it’s for love and trust and support and loyalty, it’s what we are to each other, and what you need when you use the word.”

 

Yoongi hadn’t spoken, none of them had known Taehyung that long when he had made the suggestion, but it was a beautiful suggestion, and Yoongi had quietly hugged Taehyung after he’d made his little speech, and purple had become their word.

Jungkook has never used it, it’s mostly just been for Yoongi, but it’s there for all of them, so Namjoon reminding him that if he feels unsafe that he’s to use it just lets him know that no matter what, they have his back.

 

 

The first time he has sex with Jimin is every bit as good as he hoped it would be. Jimin had taken things slowly, checking in with him repeatedly that he was ok. Jimin had started with his mouth and tongue probing insistently at Jungkook’s ass, not something that he was expecting, but holy shit it had been good. Jimin had moved on to fingering him, and that had been weird, the first breach of his muscles had made him tense up, automatically trying to stop something entering what has only ever been an exit. When he’d gotten used to one, Jimin had started to push in a second, and that had hurt. Jimin had offered to stop, stilling his fingers, and that had been enough to calm Jungkook again, he could trust Jimin, that much had been made very clear. When he’d relaxed enough to let Jimin fully in, he’d started exploring. Jungkook knew what he was searching for, he’s heard enough times from Taehyung about how fucking good prostate stimulation felt, but he hasn’t tried it for himself, before tonight. The first time Jimin strokes over it, Jungkook tenses hard because, holy shit, why hasn’t he listened to Taehyung? Jimin fucks him expertly with his fingers, holding him down, stroking him hard, and he’d nearly blacked out with the force of his very first prostate orgasm.

Jimin had given him a couple of minutes to come back to earth, and then all he wanted to do was to bring Jimin off the same way. Jimin had been keen, but once he was led face up and expectant on the bed, Jungkook’s nerves had kicked in. Jimin had talked him through it, wanting more fingers than Jungkook had expected. It had taken him some time to find Jimin’s prostate, not entirely sure what he was looking for, but the reaction he’d gotten had made it all worthwhile.

And then he’d been hovering over Jimin, condom-clad dick ready to push into him. The look on Jimin’s face as he’d started to move inside him and the sensations of his muscular walls surrounding him have him on edge again far too quickly. Once he can move, he probably goes too hard, unable to hold back, being totally overwhelmed at the new sensations that are flooding his body. Thankfully Jimin comes first, hand wrapped around his own cock. Watching Jimin come, feeling the rhythmic pulses surrounding his cock, Jungkook comes too, flopping bonelessly down onto Jimin, breathing hard. When Jimin pushes him off, unable to breathe under Jungkook’s weight, all he can think about is how Jimin’s cock would feel inside him. He knows Jimin prefers to bottom, but he has to know if Jimin would mind switching sometimes. Jimin is amused but seems happy enough with the idea of fucking Jungkook, and if he wasn’t so tired, Jungkook would want it now. He can’t resist sending a quick text to Taehyung while Jimin is in the toilet.

 

To: Tae  
“No more virgins in the group. Jimin is a literal sex wizard.”

 

He knows from how drunk Taehyung was that he isn’t likely to get a reply tonight, but he doesn’t care, there will be time enough to have his revenge and subject Taehyung to all of the gory details.

 

He gets a reply in the morning, when he’s in Jimin’s kitchen, gulping down apple juice and singing to himself, smiling widely despite it really being far too early.

 

From: Tae  
“I have a massive fucking hangover and I kind of hate you right now because you haven’t. Was it good? Did you get a good dicking?”

 

To: Tae  
“Technically I gave a good dicking, well I hope it was good anyway.”

 

He gets back an incomprehensible,

 

From: Tae  
“Sorry, Kook.”

 

And then a screenshot of a text he’d sent to Jimin and Jimin’s pissed off sounding reply.

 

“Fuck,” he curses out quietly to himself, why can’t he just keep his goddamn mouth shut, and why can’t Taehyung?

 

He heads back to the bedroom, figuring it’s better to get this over with quickly and apologise to Jimin. If anything, Jimin looks concerned, getting instantly why Jungkook wanted to tell Taehyung, and cuddles and kisses him until he knows that they’re alright.

Jimin has pulled Jungkook into his lap, cuddling him in a consoling way to start, but it rapidly turns into something else, Jimin hardening under him, making Jungkook want to whimper.

Jimin fucks him this time, carefully, wonderfully, and it is so fucking good.

 

 

Jungkook wakes up again an unspecified length of time later, burningly thirsty again, pausing only to yank on some underwear before he heads back to the kitchen.   
He pads down the hallway, scratching at his stomach absentmindedly, stretching and groaning slightly as he suddenly freezes at the entrance to the kitchen.  
There is an unfamiliar woman in there, stood with her back to Jungkook, and he wonders if he can just escape while she is distracted, no such luck.

 

“Hi baby,” she says, not turning around and continuing, “Jimin darling, daddy and I are glad that you’re happy, but we don’t need to hear you screaming quite that loudly, shut your door next time please.”

 

Jungkook actually gasps, practically whimpering at the utterly mortifying implications. This is Jimin’s mum, this is Jimin’s mum who must have been at home when he and Jimin were having sex, this is Jimin’s mum, who has listened to him getting fucked for the very first time, and had to listen to all of the non-too subtle noises he was making. He could, quite easily spontaneously combust from how embarrassed he is right now. He wants to disappear, but he is not in luck, at the sound of his sharp intake of breath, Jimin’s mum has turned around and is now looking at him, and he’s just in underwear.

 

“Ooh sorry pet,” she tells Jungkook, her eyes slightly widening, “I thought you were Jimin, I’m Mrs Park, his mum, and you are…?”

 

She doesn’t look angry, she looks nice, but there is nothing in this world that could keep Jungkook in this kitchen right now, without even answering he swallows hard, trying not to cry, and turns tail, practically running back to Jimin’s bedroom, shutting the door probably more firmly than he needed to, and grabbing his clothes, putting them on as quickly as he could, wanting to escape and preferably never come back again.

His movements wake Jimin, of course, and he looks instantly concerned. Jimin giggles, actually fucking giggles, when Jungkook tells him what happened in the kitchen. Somehow, he manages to talk Jungkook into staying while he goes to find his parents, to talk to them, to explain. Jungkook sits on Jimin’s bed, then just paces around his room, not wanting to leave the relative safety of Jimin’s bedroom, but also wanting to be out of this house right now, wanting to escape to Taehyung’s so he can go and scream into his pillow and be calmed by his friend.

Jimin takes forever to come back and, thankfully, once he does, he lets Jungkook go without having to face his parents again. Jimin tries to persuade him to come back to the house, but Jungkook just can’t. 

He knows that Jimin is frustrated, just when they’ve gotten to the point of sleeping together, Jungkook cannot bring himself to go back to the only place that they are free to do so. They still go out, hanging out with the others, going out just the two of them, but it’s kind of like they’re dating instead of sleeping together. It’s actually kind of nice though, he gets to know Jimin even more, and opens up to him too, sharing so much of themselves that, by the end of the summer, Jungkook feels like he has actually fallen in love for the first time.


	6. Nineteen

It’s seven weeks into the term before he and Jimin actually managed to get together, and honestly, Jungkook has been kind of surprised. He’d thought, living in the same city, that they would have had plenty of time to see each other, to hang out and to mess about with each other. The reality had been so different. For a start they are way further apart than Jungkook had realised, Seoul is huge and, although they can get to each other, it requires coordinating multiple bus journeys or forking out ridiculous sums for cabs. And then there is the school itself, Jungkook is loving his new course, it’s what he’s always wanted to do and he’s wholeheartedly throwing himself both into his scheduled classes and into the more in-depth extra reading that he’s been recommended. Adding that to the fact that Jimin is now in his second year, and his drawings aren’t the sort of ones that happen overnight, they’re both busier than ever. They try to make time though and today is one of those days, both of them free, both of them keen to see each other. They plan on meeting pretty much halfway between their schools, at the train station that is easy enough to find. 

They’ve agreed to meet under the central clock, cliché as hell but Jungkook can imagine if they didn’t have somewhere, they’d probably spend half the morning wandering about and looking for each other, so they’ve designated this spot as their meeting point. Jungkook thought he was going to be first, but as he approaches, he sees Jimin waiting there, casually propped up against a pillar, looking down at his phone, something is clearly amusing him because he has the biggest sunniest smile on his face and it legitimately takes Jungkook’s breath away a bit knowing that this man is his. He walks towards him, watching Jimin, drinking in the sight of him after seven long weeks. He wants to yell, to run to him, to jump into his arms and to kiss the living hell out of him. But they’re in public, and they just can’t, so he just walks, already grinning himself in response to Jimin’s smile. He’s almost in front of him when Jimin finally looks up, looking first startled and then excited, shoving his phone quickly away and reaching for Jungkook. They hug, chastely, putting on a show of being friends, but Jimin’s ass is hidden from peoples view by the pillar so he takes a risk, letting one hand fall down to first cup and then gently squeeze Jimin’s delectable backside. Jimin actually groans softly in his ear,

 

“shit, don’t do that, you have no idea how fucking horny I am right now,” he told Jungkook, voice quiet, the words just for him.

 

He wants to whimper at Jimin’s words, wants to beg, wants to kiss him hard and fuck him now.

 

“Min,” he moans back softly, “why didn’t we meet somewhere we could get naked?” 

 

Jimin giggles, reluctantly letting go of Jungkook, “we’re idiots,” he told him.

 

Jungkook resisted Jimin letting him go, “I want more cuddles,” he pouted.

 

“Oh Kook, me too,” Jimin told him, “but if we keep cuddling like that it’s going to be very obvious that we are more than friends,” he indicated subtly at his crotch where his dick was just starting to push out the fabric.

 

“Fuck,” Jungkook whispered, “I want you in me so bad, or to be in you, I don’t really fucking care.”

 

Jimin eyes darkened, looking like the last vestiges of his control were rapidly leaking away,

 

“don’t say stuff you don’t mean,” he warned Jungkook.

 

Jungkook didn’t answer, he grabbed Jimin’s hand, barely giving him time to grab his backpack off the floor and led him toward the bathrooms he’d spotted on his way through the concourse. He didn’t slow down, pulling him into the men’s room, leading him down to the end cubicle. The bathroom was empty, which was something of a minor miracle in such a busy place.

 

“I’m too fucking hard to make it back to yours without exploding anyway,” Jungkook growled at Jimin, pulling him close, kissing him hard and holding him tightly. His hips start to push into Jimin’s, rubbing himself insensible, feeling Jimin’s dick respond.

 

Jimin kisses him back, reaching down between them to unzip Jungkook’s trousers, plunging his hand down without warning and grabbing at Jungkook’s dick, tugging at him hard.

 

“Shit, oh fuck,” Jungkook squeaked out, mind cloudy, all sense has gone the second Jimin’s lips had connected with his. He copied Jimin, frantically opening his trousers too and stroking him off. They were both panting in each other’s mouths in seconds. They both stroked and tugged quickly, no time for romance or finesse, they were as desperate as each other. Jimin came first, gasping his orgasm out, not letting up on his movements in Jungkook’s trousers. Jungkook started coming before Jimin had even finished pulsing in his hand, both of them breathing heavily as the desperation was replaced by satiation.

 

They were, of course, in a mess, come streaked and splattered across both of their t-shirts, it was just as well that Jungkook had planned to stay with Jimin and had brought a couple of spares. They redressed in Jungkook’s clothing, stashing the soiled shirts carefully in his bag, ready to be dealt with at Jimin’s place, and then exited the stall, giggling together. 

They both spot the security guard at the same time, smiles falling from their faces as they take in his expression.

 

“Two very young little chickens,” he mocked, “consider yourselves lucky that it was me who stumbled across your indiscretion and not one of my, let’s say, stricter colleagues or the police would have been called hmm?” he told them, his voice silky smooth and deadly.

 

They froze, not sure what to say, Jungkook was so fucking scared, if the police got involved then so would his parents, and they’d know everything.

 

“Not going to wash your hands?” the security guard questioned.

 

Jimin and Jungkook moved wordlessly to the bank of sinks, washing their hands, drying them, and then walking closer to the security guard so they could leave, but he was blocking the door.

 

“Not going to thank me boys?” he smarmed again.

 

“Thank you, sir,” Jungkook blurted out, probably far too loudly.

 

“Yes, thank you, sir, it won’t happen again,” Jimin parroted.

 

“Oh boys, that’s not much of an apology is it?” the security guard told them, “I had something a little more… hands-on in mind.” He nodded downwards, indicating at his crotch and Jungkook couldn’t help the shudder that wracked his body. Was this guy fucking serious?

 

The guard clearly enjoyed Jungkook’s reaction, laughing at them before moving aside to let them past.

 

“No more naughtiness in public boys, understand?” He told them, to their retreating backs.

 

Jungkook doesn’t think he starts breathing again for a good couple of minutes until they’re clear of the train station and walking too quickly down the road towards the bus stop and towards Jimin home.

 

“No more naughtiness in public,” Jimin spat, “I’ll probably never get hard in public again thanks to him, what a fucking creep.”

 

“At least he didn’t call the police,” Jungkook told him in a small voice, still feeling shaky at the implications.

 

“Oh baby,” Jimin soothed, reaching for Jungkook’s hand and holding it tenderly, understanding.

 

“Can we just stay in this weekend?” Jungkook whined. “And never go back to that train station as long as we live?”

 

Jimin giggled slightly, “anything for you,” he told Jungkook, “let’s go home.”

 

 

 

Its three months after the train station incident, and the first time Jungkook even considers removing any part of his clothing anywhere other than behind locked doors, and it’s not Jimin that persuades him to do so but one of his new friends from school. Yugyeom is taking the same major, has the same sense of humour and critically, doesn’t give a shit that Jungkook has a boyfriend. He is, however, on occasion, a rather bad influence. He gets Jungkook blackout drunk on two occasions before Jungkook starts to question exactly how strong the concoctions are that Yugyeom is plying him with. He teases Jungkook mercilessly in public about his non-existent crush on a female classmate, so much that word gets back to her and Jungkook has to sit through a few excruciating conversations with her before he can drop in that he is with someone, and that someone is male. But overall, Yugyeom is fun, sweet and totally has Jungkook’s back. So Jungkook doesn’t question when Yugyeom drags him off to a huge shopping centre one Saturday, supposedly to do some shopping. It turns out that Yugyeom has something very different in mind, leading an unsuspecting Jungkook to a tattoo parlour before daring him to get a tattoo. Jungkook refuses, and he and Yugyeom joke around for a bit, daring each other to do increasingly daft things, and get increasingly ridiculous things tattooed on each other. Yugyeom overuses emoji’s in his text messages, he has done right from the first message he sent to Jungkook, so it’s natural for Jungkook to suggest his most used one for Yugyeom’s tattoo. Surprisingly he agrees, leaving Jungkook floundering.

 

“Come on Kook, fucking pick something, seriously,” Yugyeom berates him.

 

“I’m not getting a tattoo, not happening,” Jungkook told him.

 

Yugyeom just made chicken noises back and Jungkook rolled his eyes,

 

“That isn’t going to work, I’m not ten,” he retorted.

 

“Fine,” Yugyeom finally relented, “get your dick pierced then, I bet Jimin would like that,” he suggested, gesturing lewdly.

 

“Fine I will,” Jungkook told him, “and then I’m going to tell you every little detail of exactly how Min enjoyed it, and how I did.”

 

Yugyeom screwed up his nose, “urgh, no thanks, I’ve changed my mind, don’t get your dick done, I don’t want to be fucking thinking about it whenever I look at my tattoo.”

 

Jungkook snorted, “too late,” he told Yugyeom, “going to get pierced.”

 

He strode into the tattoo parlour, ahead of Yugyeom, who stood stunned outside for a few moments longer. Jungkook came to his senses before he even reached the counter, a dick piercing was probably going too far.

 

“What’s the most popular piercing for men?” he asked the woman at the counter, before amending, “like, not, you know, there,” he blushed, gesturing vaguely to his crotch.

 

She managed to hold her expression, which Jungkook was grateful for, “probably nipple,” she told him.

 

Jungkook nodded, nipple sounded much more reasonable, and he already knew he liked his being played with, “yeah ok,” he told her, “can I have it done now?” He figured no time like the present.

 

The woman checked out the computer, “our piercer has a slot available in half an hour if you're hanging around for a bit?” she asked.

 

Jungkook nodded, “yeah, sounds good.”

 

“Ok, so one or both?” she asked.

 

Another thing Jungkook hadn’t considered but he liked the idea of the symmetry of both, so went for that.

 

Yugyeom hadn’t even made it into the shop, Jungkook walked out with a grin on his face and an appointment.

 

“Well I’m coming back for 11.30am he told Yugyeom, what about you?”

 

Yugyeom gaped, “you really going through with it?”

 

Jungkook nodded, not lying, Yugyeom hadn’t specified what it was that he was going to go through with.

 

“Fuck,” Yugyeom muttered, “my turn then.”

 

He walked into the shop, poking his head out just over ten minutes later when Jungkook was just starting to get bored.

 

“Umm, they can do mine now, so I’ll like, see you here after we’re both done or something?” Yugyeom told him.

 

Jungkook nodded, “yeah, that’s cool, don’t scream too loud huh?” he laughed.

 

Yugyeom paled just very slightly, “I hope it doesn’t hurt too bad,” he mumbled.

 

Jungkook still had twenty minutes or so to kill so he wandered into a nearby bookshop, contemplating buying yet another unnecessary but really interesting book related to his course, he spent too long thinking, nearly making himself late for his appointment.

Back in the shop, there was no sign of Yugyeom, so Jungkook checked himself in, and waited for his turn. The man who approached him was tall, probably taller than him with bulging muscles decorated with a plethora of tattoos, if Jungkook didn’t have Jimin he most definitely would have looked twice at this guy. He had an open friendly smile, holding his hand out to Jungkook and shaking it as he introduced himself,

 

“Hi, I’m Chanyeol, I’ll be your piercer today, come with me please.”

 

Jungkook nodded, “hey, I’m Jungkook,” before following Chanyeol into a small, and incredibly clean looking room.

 

“Ok, so nipples?” Chanyeol checked.

 

Jungkook nodded, agreeing, “yeah.”

 

“Ever been pierced before?” Chanyeol checked.

 

Jungkook shook his head.

 

“Ok, so there are some things that you’ll need to do to take care of them afterwards, I’ll talk through it now, but I’ll give you a sheet to take home too, just in case,”   
Chanyeol grinned widely.

 

He took Jungkook through aftercare and healing, it all seemed fairly straightforward.

 

“Ok, so shirt off then Jungkook please,” Chanyeol asked, “are you happy sitting or would you rather lie down?”

 

Jungkook shrugged, “umm, sitting I guess?” he asked, his tone unsure.

 

Chanyeol nodded, reaching for some packages, “I need to clean the area first ok.”

 

The wipes Chanyeol swiped over his nipples were cold, and the stimulation of both that and Chanyeol’s methodical cleaning was enough to have Jungkook’s buds perking up.

 

“Sensitive huh?” Chanyeol mumbled almost to himself, adding, “think we might get you lying down,” he told Jungkook.

 

That sent a little spike of fear through Jungkook, “why?” he questioned.

 

Chanyeol shrugged, “nipple piercing can be painful, and you seem kind of sensitive, so just in case. Saves me having to catch you if you pass out,” he concludes, giving Jungkook another big sunshiny grin.

 

For the first time, Jungkook seriously wonders just what the fuck he is doing. But he hops onto the bed, swinging his legs up and getting comfortable.

 

“Rings or barbells?” Chanyeol checks, reaching for the jewellery.

 

“Rings,” Jungkook told him decisively because that’s what he’s imagined in his head.

 

Chanyeol brings his little mobile table over, tools at the ready.

 

“Going to clamp you, then pierce ok?” he explained, “take slow deep breaths for me once the clamp is on.”

 

Jungkook nodded, the fear spiking again, his hands ball into fists, and Chanyeol notices.

 

“Hey, don’t punch me ok? You wanted this, remember?” he jokes.

 

Jungkook nods, trying to smile at Chanyeol, but then the clamp goes on the first nipple and he sucks in a breath.

 

“Slow and deep,” Chanyeol reminds him, piercing the first nipple.

 

Jungkook doesn’t scream, but it’s very tempting because holy fucking shit, that really did hurt. He totally forgets Chanyeol’s advice, totally forgets how to breathe, so he holds the last breath he’d sucked in as Chanyeol manipulated the ring into the new hole in his chest. His entire body is tense and, as Chanyeol leans back from the first piercing to check it, he notices.

 

“Breathe out Jungkook,” Chanyeol tells him, placing a gloved hand on his shoulder.

 

Jungkook lets it out too fast, sucking in the next one desperately, panting hard.

 

“Ow,” he tells Chanyeol between breaths.

 

Chanyeol grins, “that’s why you’re lying down,” he quipped, “still want the other one done?”

 

Jungkook looked at him mournfully, he cannot go out being unsymmetrical, but that means he’s only halfway through this ordeal, he nods, but it’s a very tiny nod.

 

“Alrighty,” Chanyeol agrees, “let’s do this.”

 

The second is probably worse, knowing what’s coming, and again, Chanyeol has to remind him to breathe. His knees feel like water, there is an uncomfortable churning in his stomach and right now, Jungkook hates Yugyeom for daring him to do anything.

 

“Do dick piercings hurt this much?” he whimpers to Chanyeol, eyes closed, trying to stop the dizziness caused by the pain.

 

Chanyeol chuckles, “some people say yes, some say no, why? Want me to do that too?”

 

“Oh, holy fuck no,” Jungkook whimpers, going to cup his hands over his dick, making him wince as his chest muscles move his nipples.

 

Chanyeol chuckles again, “right, so we went over aftercare, these don’t need to be covered but I’m going to do so otherwise getting home with a shirt rubbing over your piercings will irritate them ok?”

 

The thought of anything touching his nipples ever again makes Jungkook just nod meekly, letting Chanyeol tape two squares of gauze to his chest, trying not to think about the blood that started staining them almost straight away.

 

“Right, you’re good to go,” Chanyeol tells him, “sit up slowly to start.”

 

It’s good advice, Jungkook’s body would clearly be happier staying horizontal for now, and maybe for the rest of the day.

 

“Aftercare sheet here, and cleaning solution,” Chanyeol tells him, passing the things over, “it is very important that you keep cleaning those, follow the instructions or you will end up infected, and then you really will know what pain is like,” Chanyeol warns him.

 

After a couple more minutes of recovery, Jungkook feels brave enough to stand and walk to the front to pay, remembering to thank Chanyeol.

 

Yugyeom is waiting for him outside, looking as pale as Jungkook feels.

 

“Let’s go home,” Yugyeom tells him quietly, “and, like, never come here again.”

 

Jungkook would laugh, but he agrees, wanting nothing more than to take his shirt back off, remove the gauze which is moving just very slightly over his nipples, and maybe clamp some ice to his chest for the rest of eternity.

 

 

He keeps the piercings a secret from Jimin, wanting to surprise him in person when they go home for the summer. They’ve healed really well, it had been an uncomfortable healing process, but it has been so worth it, and Jungkook can’t wait for Jimin to play with them. Jimin gets home the day before him, texting him to let him know while Jungkook is still knee deep in trying to pack and getting nowhere. Half out of boredom he demands that Jimin strip and send him a photo, but he isn’t expecting what he gets back. Jimin shirtless, photo taken from far enough away that he can clearly see Jimin’s already hard dick pushing out the front of his shorts, and it gets him all kinds of riled up. He was going to wait to show Jimin in real life, but he takes a shot of his shirtless self to send back, revealing his little secret. 

Jimin’s reaction is priceless, and now all Jungkook can think about is his dick, squeezing his own length, thinking about what they can do once he gets home and they have Jimin’s house all to themselves. Jimin is way ahead of him though, admitting to coming before Jungkook even touches the bare skin of his dick, the thought of Jimin getting off to a photo of his nipples is enough though, so he scrolls back to the picture of his hard boyfriend, and jerks himself off quickly.

 

When he gets back home the following day, he goes straight to Jimin’s, jumping into his arms, wrapping his legs around Jimin’s waist and kissing him hard, wanting sex right now. He is out of luck, for the worst possible reason. Yoongi is there, poor bastard hasn’t even been home 24 hours and his dad has beaten the shit out of him again. Yoongi hadn’t sent out a text, knowing that he and Jimin were the first one’s home, and Jimin didn’t know the code. Yoongi had walked all the way to Jimin’s, no doubt exacerbating his twisted ankle. Not for the first time a spike of pure anger courses through him, and he wants nothing more than to see Yoongi’s parents fucking held accountable for abusing their son, they are the only two people in this world that he actively hates. He wants to take care of Yoongi, to take him to the hospital, sit with him while he is treated, but his mum has been texting him, fussing, wondering where he is and why he’s not home yet. He reluctantly leaves Yoongi with Jimin. They’ve actually become pretty close at school, Jungkook can see the change in Yoongi. Where he was cautious with Jimin, not wanting to bother him for their trip to Seoul, it’s obvious now that Yoongi trusts Jimin, enough to let him into all of Yoongi’s secrets. Jungkook is pleased, he always knew that Jimin would help where he could, but it’s good that Yoongi can see it too now.

 

He doesn’t get to see Jimin again until their first shift at the café early on Monday morning. They are alone, thank god because the minute they are locked in and in the staff room their hands are all over each other. Jimin opens his shirt brutally, spreading open the fabric, tugging gently on one piercing while his tongue works on the other, and all Jungkook can think is how worth the pain it was to have such pleasure. He’s played with them himself of course, but Jimin’s tongue and teeth nipping over the piercing sends him quickly into overdrive, making him rut hard against Jimin’s leg, wanting more. They don’t talk, Jimin is on his knees and opening Jungkook’s trousers, sucking him in deep before Jungkook can really think. It’s heavenly and Jungkook knows this is going to be over with embarrassingly quickly. He shifts his hips gently, wondering out loud if Jimin will let him fuck his mouth. Jimin agrees and Jungkook goes too hard for the first thrust, unbalancing Jimin, but Jimin doesn’t care, grabbing Jungkook’s ass and encouraging him. He doesn’t last, how could he, fucking Jimin’s throat like that. When its Jimin’s turn, he spanks him hard on the ass, not missing the way Jimin’s eyes flutter closed with pleasure, and it’s enough to make his softening cock lurch and start to harden again, Jimin wants to be dominated? He makes Jimin come on the floor, telling him harshly to clean it up before walking out of the room to sort himself out. Jimin is actually on his hands and knees when Jungkook comes back into the room, making him seriously regret the fact that they actually have to get on with work now. This whole dominating stuff definitely needs to be explored, although Jungkook doesn’t know if he’d actually be any good at it. Spanking Jimin and ordering him around sounds fun, but even with his lack of experience, he knows that’s there’s more to it than that, a whole trust and care system that is kind of overwhelming, plus the fact that he actually likes being taken care of himself.

They don’t get to discuss it any more here anyway, Jungkook’s mum is there before they know it and they’re scrambling to come up with a reason why they are running behind. Jungkook legitimately chokes on his drink when his mum questions Jimin about his croaky voice. There is no way on earth that she can ever know that it is the result of her son's cock being lodged down it barely half an hour before. Jimin’s baking excuse works though, and Jungkook has to try hard not to laugh when his epic blow job means Jimin has to take baking lessons from his mum. Actually, when he thinks about it, that one blow job and Jimin’s quick thinking sparked a series of events that ended up with Jimin buying the café and Jungkook running it, it was very weird how it had all worked out.

 

 

The very brief foray into dominating makes Jungkook think a little bit too hard about what else he might like to explore with Jimin. He’s still not entirely sure he’d made a good dom, but it could be fun to try. One thing that keeps reoccurring in his mind is the idea of a threesome. Watching Jimin and Taehyung kissing nearly a year ago now had most definitely turned him on. They both looked sexy as hell, and he would gladly watch more. But it was more complicated than that, he and Taehyung had never crossed that line. They have been drunk together, so very drunk, and as a result have gotten a little handsy with each other. Taehyung flirted with Jungkook right from meeting him, making it very obvious that he found Jungkook attractive. They’d gotten so close as friends though, and Jungkook hadn’t wanted to ruin that. It’s no secret that he finds Taehyung attractive too though, even Taehyung knows, they’ve teased each other enough times, joked about having each other in reserve if they haven’t found someone else by the time they’re thirty. Taehyung is his best friend, he trusts him implicitly, and he finds him sexy. In an alternative reality, they are probably as solidly together as Seokjin and Namjoon are, balancing each other out perfectly. In this reality, he may have held hands with Taehyung, hugged him, stroked his ass a bit and slept in his bed curled snuggly in his arms but they have never kissed. He loves Jimin, he really does, but there is a lingering curiosity about Taehyung that refuses to die. He has no idea how Jimin would feel about a threesome with Taehyung, he obviously finds him attractive, but would he want to?

The actual conversation is awkward as hell, Jungkook nearly cringes himself into the ground, but when Jimin admits he’s turned on by the idea, Jungkook reckons this might actually happen. Jimin is so turned on that they end up fucking, Jimin taking him, both a little bit extra desperate for each other with the idea of Taehyung joining them in their minds.

The night it actually happens, he is the one to send Jimin after Taehyung, encouraging him to dance with Taehyung, to flirt, and ultimately to kiss. When they come out of the bathroom together, Taehyung has an unfathomable look on his face, part hopeful, part terrified, part really fucking turned on. Jungkook doesn’t ask what transpired in the bathroom but Taehyung lets it slip on their way back to Jimin’s that Jimin had kissed him. Jungkook was only jealous that he didn’t get to watch but when Taehyung offered to re-enact it for him, right there in the street, he was all for it. They didn’t even start off gently, diving straight into making out with each other, Jungkook’s dick lurches, blood pooling in his groin, hardening him as he watches and listens, and now he just wants to get indoors and get everyone naked.  
Jimin leaves him and Taehyung to kick things off while he goes to the bathroom, it’s a bit weird. But Taehyung takes his hand, as they’ve done so many times before, leading him to the bed, pushing him gently on to it and lying down next to him. He cuddles into Jungkook, leaning in close, lips almost touching before he breathes out,

 

“this ok Kook?”

 

Jungkook nods and closes the gap between them.

 

Kissing Taehyung is not what he expected, he starts gently, almost reverently, savouring the moment. It’s Jungkook who escalates things, pulling Taehyung in close and parting his lips. Taehyung gasps just very slightly when their tongues meet for the first time, tightening his grip on Jungkook and letting himself go. Jungkook loses himself briefly, not even realising Jimin has come back from the bathroom and is just stood watching them fondly. It looks odd considering he’s got a very obvious erection tenting out the front of his trousers.

Then he is sandwiched between his boyfriend and his best friend, touching, kissing and teasing each other. Taehyung doesn’t know about Jungkook’s piercings yet, and when he discovers them, he is ridiculously gentle, barely touching until Jungkook encourages him.

He gets naked first, god knows how, and the other two gang up on him to make him dangerously horny. He wants Taehyung to fuck him right up until he gets a look at Taehyung’s dick, it’s fucking enormous. He tries not to stare, tries to be cool about this, but he’s secretly glad when Jimin and Taehyung take their time prepping him, he’s going to need it.

He lays on his front, back arched, ass up for Taehyung to take, but he just can’t do it. Taehyung does his best, tries to inch in slowly, Jimin even offers to leave them to it, but it’s no use, Taehyung is literally too damn big and its far more painful than its pleasurable. In the end, he has to admit defeat, relieved when Taehyung pulls out, even if he looks really disappointed.

Jimin reckons he can take him, and Jungkook is curious, genuinely not sure that anyone’s ass can be that damn stretchy. But he’s proved wrong, not only does Jimin manage to sit fully down on Taehyung and ride him, but he also lets Taehyung tip him on his back and fuck into him hard. 

It sends Jungkook right to the edge of orgasm, feeling like he might actually cry with relief when he realises Jimin didn’t come on Taehyung’s monster dick, and that he is actually going to get fucked after all. Jimin’s on edge too so they don’t bother taking their time, Jimin fucks him hard, tugging on his dick, bringing them both off quickly.

Satiated and exhausted, they fall asleep together, Jungkook’s cuddly habits well understood and tolerated by both his bedmates.

He woke up to the others giggling together, wrapped around each other. He is moderately hard, and pressed firmly into Taehyung’s ass, not that he seems to mind too much but he squirmed away anyway, giving them all space to breathe.

He’s too aware of what happened in this bed last night, too aware of his dick, still not softening, and the giggling between the three of them dies away, replaced by a much more dangerous atmosphere. He shouldn’t, but his hand traces down his stomach, concealed by the blankets, and along his length. He really needs to stop, but he just can’t and, after one particularly tight squeeze of his now solid dick can’t help admitting,

 

“fuck, I’m still horny.”

 

He makes eye contact with Jimin, wondering if he’s pushed it too far, but Jimin’s eyes are dancing with interest, so he admits,

 

“want to fuck Tae.”

 

Taehyung agrees, and Jungkook is too fucking desperate to do anything but demand he gets naked, like now. Taehyung opens up surprisingly quickly for him, relaxing around his fingers. Pushing his dick into him for the first time is an experience, and thankfully Jungkook makes a much better top for Taehyung than he did bottom.

Jungkook comes first, not even getting Taehyung off, managing to accidentally get Jimin off. He doesn’t even realise until Jimin is apologising and Jungkook notices that Taehyung’s hip has been liberally coated in Jimin’s come. He shocks Taehyung, going in to lick him clean without even thinking about it, but Taehyung has a better idea, asking Jimin to suck him off instead.

Jimin comes again, with Taehyung down his throat, shocking Taehyung again, earning himself a slap for his lewd comments.

 

 

Taehyung is pretty quiet with him in the days afterwards, replying to texts but not instigating any, not really chatting, making excuses. Then Friday comes around and Taehyung finally texts him first, but it’s to let him know that he won’t be coming out that night, and then Jungkook really panics.

He shows Jimin, but Jimin laughs it off, blaming Jungkook and it hurts. Taehyung is his best friend, and it’s possible that this stupid fucking threesome has ruined all of that.

It doesn’t take long for him to get another text from Taehyung, telling him that Jimin has told him that Jungkook is worried, reassuring him that it’s not the case and that they’re cool. But he’s still not completely convinced, needing to see Taehyung face to face again to be sure.

Once he’s finished work, he sends Taehyung another text.

 

From: Kook  
“What time do you start tonight? Can I come over for a bit?”

 

From: TaeTae  
“I’ve got an hour before I have to go so make it quick.”

 

That’s good enough for him, heading straight to Taehyung’s house, not even bothering to get changed first. He knocks on the front door, earning him a very weird look from Taehyung,

 

“is my window not functioning?” Taehyung quips.

 

Jungkook flushes, “thought the door today,” he mumbled.

 

Taehyung looks at him curiously again, leading him up to his bedroom and shutting the door behind them.

 

“Kook, you ok?” he starts.

 

Jungkook huffs out a sigh, “am I? Are we?” he wonders out loud.

 

“We can’t take it back,” Taehyung tells him quietly, “but we could agree to forget it ever happened.”

 

“Can we?” Jungkook asked hopefully.

 

Taehyung blinked slowly, and then nodded, “yeah, can’t lose my best friend just because his dick’s been in me, right?”

 

Jungkook snorted, “and yours in me,” he reminded Taehyung.

 

“Yeah, I didn’t get it all in, so I’m pretty sure that didn’t count, Taehyung assured him, eyes dancing with mirth.

 

Jungkook rolled his eyes, “yeah, whatever,” he told Taehyung, “not my fault that you’re fucking huge.”

 

“Uh Kook, if we're forgetting this, we probably shouldn’t be talking about each other’s dicks huh?”

 

“True,” Jungkook acknowledged, “so, it never happened right? We’re just best friends.”

 

Taehyung nodded, “yeah,” he agreed. “But I’ve really got to get ready for work now man, ok?”

 

Jungkook took the hint, getting up, “yeah, that’s cool, I’ll go, got to get ready to go out tonight anyway.”

 

Taehyung walked him downstairs, “have fun huh, don’t do anything I wouldn’t do.”

 

“Anything’s fair game then?” Jungkook joked.

 

“You know it,” Taehyung winked, closing the door behind Jungkook.


	7. Twenty

Being apart for the second year is so much harder, Jimin is in his final year now and his workload had ramped up to extreme levels. Jungkook knows he’s being childish, but he feels abandoned and just wants Jimin to pay him some attention. For the most part, Jimin does a good job, placating Jungkook and prioritising him when he needs it. But then the inevitable happens, Jungkook gets really stupid and needy just as Jimin is in the middle of a big and very important project, and his idiotic reaction means his life changes forever in just a couple of stupid hours.

 

Jungkook woke up the morning after the night before with his eyes practically glued shut with gummy crusts, a brain that couldn’t decide between trying to pound itself out of his skull or just whirl around like a fucking tornado and the worst taste imaginable in his mouth. At first, he isn’t sure what woke him, then the unmistakable sound of retching and vomiting coming from his little bathroom has him leaping from his bed, barely having the presence of mind to drag a pair of track pants over his naked ass, not wanting to expose himself fully to whoever is in the bathroom, before he lurches in there himself. There is already a figure hunched over his toilet, but his abused body won’t wait for them to be finished so he dives for the sink just in time to let his stomach relieve itself of the remnants of what he drank last night.

He pukes a lot, vaguely aware in the back of his mind that if he’s still vomiting this much, he must have had one hell of a lot to drink last night, and from the groaning by his side, he wasn’t the only one.

By the time he feels safe enough to straighten up his stomach hurts something awful from the force of the retching. He rinses the sink, averting his eyes from the mess he’s made lest he set himself off again, he rinses his mouth and washes his face, not risking swallowing any water yet, or brushing his teeth, just the thought of putting something in his mouth makes him do a horrible little hiccuppy retch.

The figure, a woman, still hunched over his toilet is motionless in her own misery, he dampens a flannel for her, pushing it into her hand so she can wipe her face too. When she turns to thank him, her smile feeble but genuine, Jungkook actually gets a shock, because the girl is Hyejin, and she is the last person he expected to be puking in his bathroom right now.

Seeing her face prompts his brain to start remembering little snatches of information from last night, and he has to go and sit back on his bed as the memories start to reappear.

It comes back in patches, Hyejin arriving upset last night, the decision to go out drinking, dancing, laughing, drinking, so much drinking. He doesn’t remember coming home at all, but they clearly got back ok, although he was naked which is embarrassing. It’s not unusual for him to strip himself totally naked when he’s drunk, even if he does pass out shortly afterwards, there just seems to be something about being completely bare that appeals to drunken Jungkook.  
It takes Hyejin a while to reappear from the bathroom, and when she does, she’s still milk white and shaky.

 

“Hey,” Jungkook greets her quietly, words needing to be used sparingly and at a very low volume right now.

 

“Hey Kook,” Hyejin responds.

 

“Sorry,” Jungkook tells her, not entirely sure what he’s apologising for, for being naked at the very least he reasons.

 

Hyejin looks at him confused before she just looks slightly upset and resigned,

 

“you regret it?” she asked him.

 

Then its Jungkook’s turn to feel totally confused, “regret what?” he asks, “I can’t remember much.”

 

Hyejin’s eyes widen, she looks trapped for a second, she doesn’t say anything, but her eyes dart to Jungkook’s small metal rubbish bin, next to which lies a condom, unwrapped and clearly used. It takes Jungkook’s poor dehydrated and hungover brain to put two and two together, and then, when he figures it out, bile rises again, and he has to rush from his bedroom to be sick again. 

 

Every time he tries to straighten up his subconscious shouts at him, ‘you had sex with her’ and every time he has to duck his head back down, retching again. His stomach is empty, and his muscles screaming at him, but the thought that he’s cheated keeps him on his knees for what feels like a very long time.  
When he finally makes it out of the bathroom, Hyejin is gone, he didn’t even hear his door close. He should shower, he should clean up in here, he should confess and apologise to Jimin, but he does none of those things.

Instead, he opens up his text messages, reading the last weeks’ worth between him and Jimin, and it comes back to him why he went out drinking last night. He was in a particularly silly mood last Friday, sending Jimin daft stuff, aware that his boyfriend is stressed with an upcoming project, he’d tried to lighten the mood. But he’d misjudged it, and Jimin had been frustrated and short with him, and Jungkook had got grumpy and sulky. Basically, they’d had a really dumb fight over nothing, Jimin had barely spoken to him since, and this had been his response.

He wants to text Jimin, wants to talk to him, to see him, to look after Jimin and have Jimin look after him. He can’t do any of that, if Jimin knew what he’d done he’d never forgive him. The idea makes Jungkook start to shake, and tears slip down his face, and that is when Hyejin comes back, having swiped Jungkook’s keys and gone out to get them coffee.

She takes one look at him, and carefully places the coffees and his keys down on the table,

 

“Kook, what is it?” she asked him.

 

He looked at her, tears still flowing down his face, “did we…?” he asked.

 

Hyejin nodded, “yeah,” she told him softly, “shouldn’t have done, you’re kind of like my brother and I’m sort of seeing someone, even if he was being a total ass.”

 

Jungkook looked at her closely, she didn’t look too bothered by the fact that she’d cheated too, he didn’t get it, “will he forgive you?” he asked.

 

She shrugged, “we’re kind of casual at the moment,” she told him, “haven’t had any sort of exclusivity talk, besides it’s not like you’re just anyone is it?”

 

“Meaning?” he asked.

 

She giggled, actually fucking giggled, “you know, our parents, the whole engagement thing,” she told him before adding in a dramatic voice, “we are destined to be together.”

 

Normally he would joke back at this point, falling about laughing with her at the absurdity of the idea, but he just couldn’t, and she could see that something had changed.

 

“Kook, seriously, you’re freaking me out, it’s not that big a deal, we were drunk, and it was going to happen one day, right?”

 

He huffed out a little strangled noise, “I’m not single,” he told her.

 

He could tell from the look on her face that she suddenly got it.

 

“Oh shit, Kook, I’m sorry, will she forgive you?”

 

He ignored the wrong pronoun and shrugged, shaking his head sadly as he thought about confessing to Jimin, about how he would react, “I don’t think so,” he concluded, curling in on himself, holding himself tightly as the leaking tears turned to full on sobs as the reality of what he’d done started to really hit him, this wasn’t just a minor level fuck up, this was relationship ending huge.

 

“Fuck,” Hyejin swore as she rubbed his back consolingly, before adding, “no one has to know though.”

 

He considered that for a minute, no one did have to know, could he do that?

 

“You wouldn’t say anything?” he asked her in a small voice.

 

“Not if you didn’t want me to Kook,” she reassured him, “she means a lot to you huh?”

 

“I’m in love,” he told her, not wanting to call Jimin a girl, not wanting to share with her that Jimin was a boy, wanting her to know just how much his relationship meant to him.

 

“Oh” Hyejin replied softly, “and she loves you?”

 

Jungkook nodded, even knowing how pissed off Jimin was with him being stupid yesterday he never doubted it.

 

“Then you and I?” Hyejin checked, “that’s never going to happen?”

 

Jungkook shook his head, not wanting to lead her on, “sorry,” he told her quietly.

 

She punched him lightly on the shoulder, “don’t have to be sorry dickhead,” she told him fondly, “I meant what I said about you being my brother, just kind of figured our parents would push us into this one way or the other so never bothered to let anyone else in, you know?” she checked before continuing, “but if you’ve gone and fallen in love with someone else then there’s nothing stopping me from doing the same thing. We just have to pretend like last night never happened.”

 

“Can you?” he asked her softly.

 

“There is only one person in the entire world who remembers what happened last night Jeon Jungkook, and I’m not exactly going to be proudly shouting from the rooftops that I was that forgettable am I?”

 

Jungkook almost giggled at that before sighing, “I really am sorry.”

 

“Alright, enough,” Hyejin told him firmly, “drink your coffee then we’re going out for breakfast, like two friends, like we always have, and we will never speak of last night again, it’ll be like it never happened.”

 

Jungkook did as he was told, drank his coffee, showered, and took Hyejin out for breakfast before she headed home to make it up to her boyfriend.  
It was still a few months before he and Jimin would be back in Busan together again, plenty of time for him to forget something he couldn’t even remember. But every time a text came through from Jimin, every time he tried to text him, things were stilted, his guilt eating him up.  
He thought about confessing, unburdening himself, begging for Jimin’s forgiveness, hoping he would be able to make it up to him over the summer, but, of course, fate had had other plans in store for him.

 

 

When he first got the life-changing text from Hyejin, he didn’t really put two and two together, it was a simple,

 

From: Future Wife  
“Hey Kook, don’t know how to tell you this so just going to say it, I’m pregnant.”

 

From: Me  
“Shit, Jin, what are you going to do?”

 

He fired back quickly.

 

From: Future Wife  
“Kook… you mean what are we going to do?”

 

Hyejin had responded, sending the most uncomfortable clench and lurch through his body that he’s ever experienced. And finally, he gets it.

 

From: Me  
“It’s mine?”

 

From: Future Wife  
“I haven’t slept with anyone else.”

 

From: Me  
“Fuck, shit, are you sure? We used a condom, right?”

 

From: Future Wife  
“Yeah, we did, but we were drunk as hell Kook, I guess something went wrong. I took a test.”

 

Jungkook really didn’t know what the hell to say. He knows all the rules, it’s her body, her right to choose and all that, but a baby now? It was completely unthinkable. He paces around his little room, unable to sit still, unable to calm his pounding heart down, wanting more than ever to be able to go back in time and just not get drunk that night.

 

From: Future Wife  
“Are you freaking out right now?”

Jungkook lets out a mirthless giggle because of course he fucking is.

 

From: Me  
“Aren’t you?”

 

From: Future Wife  
“So much, but we need to get a grip, there’s only so long we have to deal with this before it’s too late.”

 

From: Me  
“You don’t want to keep it?”

He asked Hyejin cautiously, but if he’s honest, hopefully.

 

From: Future Wife  
“Oh, fuck no, do you? I mean, I guess it’s yours too right?”

 

She sounds nervous.

 

From: Me  
“I don’t want a baby now Jin, what are our options?”

 

From: Future Wife  
“Abortion Kook, that’s it”

 

For some reason his heart kind of sinks, he knows she’s right, but having to watch her go through that because of his carelessness makes him feel very guilty.

 

From: Me  
“You ok with that?”

 

From: Future Wife  
“Have to be, this is just a mistake, you love another girl, I love another guy. I’ve been looking into it, there’s a couple of places in Seoul if I could come there? I’d rather not be at home.

 

From: Me  
“Of course, I’ll do anything I can do. I’ll go with you. Stay with me after for a few days? Will you need to?”

 

From: Future Wife  
“Shit Kook, I have no idea, but thank you, I don’t want to do this alone, I’m fucking terrified.”

 

So was he. They chatted for a bit longer, agreeing that Hyejin would sort out the appointment and that they’d sell it to her parents as a weekend trip to see him, they knew that no one would question that. He did his own research afterwards, looking into the clinics she’d talked about, swallowing hard when he realised that this wasn’t going to come cheap, but he wouldn’t let her pay. The places look good though, clean, professional and most importantly, discrete. He doesn’t sleep well that night though and, when Jimin texts him he doesn’t even reply.

 

 

Two days before Hyejin is due to come down he gets a phone call from her,  
“Hey Jin,” he answers, “all ok?”

 

There is just a little croaky whispered, “no,” from her end.

 

Jungkook is instantly on high alert, “what’s happened?” he asked.

 

“My mum accidentally opened a letter, confirming my appointment Kook,” she all but whispers, “they know.”

 

“Fuck,” Jungkook spits out harshly, thinking things really couldn’t get worse when Hyejin adds,

 

“They’ve just gone around to your parents.”

 

Jungkook very nearly retches, “what?” he croaks back.

 

“I’m so sorry,” Hyejin babbles, “they were pushing and pushing me to tell them who the father was.”

 

Even through his terror, Jungkook doesn’t blame her for telling them, “not your fault,” he reassures, gulping hard when his phone buzzes in his hand to let him know he had another incoming call.

 

“Fuck,” he whimpers, “I’ve got another call.”

 

“Kook,” Hyejin moans down the phone, “I’m so fucking sorry.”

 

“They’re going to actually kill me,” he all but whispers.

 

He hangs up from Hyejin, both of them nearly mute in their own misery. His phone has stopped ringing, for now, he knows he should ring his parents back, he doesn’t even get the chance, his phone springing to life in his hands. He’s shaking when he answers, a little croaky,

 

“Hello.”

 

It’s his mum, “you need to come home this afternoon,” is all she says to him.

 

“Mum,” he starts to protest, “I have classes tomorrow, I can’t just ditch.”

 

“Jeon Jungkook,” she tells him in her sternest tone, “you need to come home now.”

 

He knows it’s useless to resist, giving in with a little, “ok.”

 

 

The drive home is torture, this really cannot be happening, they were two days away from this whole mess being over with, and now, now Hyejin’s parents know that she was going to have an abortion, and his parents know that he’d got her pregnant.

He arrives home in the early evening to stony-faced parents, sitting him down immediately.

 

“What have you got to say for yourself?” his mum started.

 

Jungkook shrugged helplessly, “I don’t know,” he told them honestly.

 

“Hyejin is pregnant with your baby,” his mum pointed out, and Jungkook just nodded, trying not to cry.

 

“You were going to let that poor girl have an abortion Jungkook? Haven’t we brought you up better than that?” his mum asked.

 

“We’re too young,” he pleaded.

 

“Nonsense,” his father told him sternly, his tone making Jungkook flinch, “if you’re old enough to do…what you did, then you’re old enough to deal with the consequences.”

 

“We were,” Jungkook protested.

 

His mum looked scandalised, “that is not the way you deal with this sort of thing,” she told him, “You cannot let that darling girl do that.”

 

“What else were we supposed to do?” he asked, almost to himself, but his mum heard him.

 

“Well you are both much younger than we’d anticipated, but you’ve both made your decisions, we’ve agreed with Hyejin’s parents, you two will marry and raise the baby together.”

 

Jungkook nearly broke his neck with the force his head shot up, “what?” he gasped out, “we can’t do that, we still have more than two years of school left, we can’t have a baby now.”

 

“You’ll both have to quit school,” his mum told him bluntly, “get a job.”

 

Jungkook shook his head, just the thought of giving up school was too much, he had worked so damn hard to get on his course, and he fucking loved it so much.

 

“I can’t,” he told his parents.

 

“You have no choice,” his dad told him, “you can go back to school tomorrow and officially withdraw, I’ll speak with my company in the morning, there are vacancies for a junior, you were good at maths, I’m sure you’ll get an interview.”

 

“Withdraw from school? Work with you?” Jungkook choked out, his mind a whirling mess.

 

“Yes,” his mum told him, seemingly satisfied that he’d got the message, “right, we’ll leave it there, for now, Hyejin and her parents will be back tomorrow morning to discuss the arrangements, then you can go back to school and wrap things up there. Shall we eat now?”

 

Jungkook couldn’t feel less hungry, watching his life implode seemingly in slow motion. He politely requested that he be excused, heading for his childhood bedroom, curling up on his bare mattress wrapped around one of his stuffies he’d decided he was too old to take with him, and bursting into tears. He isn’t sure how long he cries, his misery overwhelming him. He had to quit school, get married, get a shitty job, and have a baby. And somewhere along the lines, he had to tell Jimin.

 

 

His mum gets him up the next morning, ignoring his blotchy and swollen face, telling him to shower and get ready for Hyejin and her parents visit.  
When they arrive, Hyejin looks as bad as he feels. It’s clear she’s been crying too, and they’ve been friends long enough to want to comfort each other. When Hyejin’s parents are shown through to the lounge where the wedding planning will begin, Hyejin and Jungkook hold back in the hallway, reaching for each other, needing each other’s comfort right now, knowing they are the only ones that truly understand just how bad this feels.

They sit next to each other, hand in hand on the couch, needing something to anchor themselves in this sea of shit. Both sets of parents clearly read the wrong thing from this, satisfied that they are making the right decisions for their children, the conversation flows over Jungkook and Hyejin’s heads. Jungkook doesn’t pay attention, he might have to follow what he’s being told to, but he won’t actively participate. A calendar is brought out, and wedding dates are discussed, it’s going to be really soon, to make sure that Hyejin isn’t obviously pregnant. Not that the baby is actually referred to, each time the necessity of speed is brought up the topic is neatly sidestepped, everyone in the room knowing why they are doing what they’re doing.

When they are ready to leave, Jungkook asks if Hyejin can stay, there is so much that they need to talk about privately, but her parents say no. it’s kind of stupid really, because what worse trouble could they get in to right now, so Jungkook resigns himself to returning to school, and doing the one thing he never imagined he would do.

His parents send him on his way with a letter, giving their consent for him to withdraw, they are paying after all. He will have one more night in his dorms, to pack and to say goodbye to his friends, and then he will be back home, planning and job hunting. He has never felt so empty and hopeless.

 

 

He packs up his dorm room, stowing everything in his car, as quickly as he can, the uncomfortable ball of misery lodged in his stomach refusing to move. He glares accusingly at the bed, where he assumes he and Hyejin had sex, he still can’t even remember most of that night. He is bitter that their parents found out, they were so close to dealing with it in their own way. As he packs away his course material, the damn breaks again, he can hardly bring himself to look at what he’s already worked through, and what is to come. This is what he’s always wanted to do, and he’s good at it, like really good. He’s had such lovely feedback from his professors, encouraging, constructive criticism, he’s eaten it all up. But he has to leave that all behind now, seal up that part of himself.

 

His course leader is gratifyingly shocked when he meets with her to officially withdraw, the letter his parents gave him says nothing specific, and his professor is clearly baffled. She tries to talk him round, probing gently to find out if it’s a money issue, encouraging him to apply for scholarships if it is. He just shakes his head numbly, knowing he owes her an explanation, finding it beyond hard to choke out the words.

 

“I’m getting married in four weeks,” he blurts eventually.

 

Her face couldn’t look more shocked, this is clearly never entered her head as a possibility.

 

“That’s…soon,” she ventures.

 

“No choice,” he mumbled.

 

“Oh Jungkook,” she sighs softly, and he doesn’t need to say any more.

 

She sorts out the paperwork for him, officially completing his withdrawal from school.

 

“For what it’s worth,” she tells him, handing him another envelope of misery, “I’m sorry to see you go, you have a lot of potential, and I hope you find your way back to studying one day.”

 

He nods politely, thanking her, accepting the envelope and escaping before yet more tears can flow.

 

He drives home, and back to his parent's place. No one is home so he moves his stuff back in alone, leaving most of the boxes unpacked, shoving them deep in his cupboards where he won’t have to think about them.

 

 

Taehyung demands that Jungkook actually come and see him as soon as he is home from school for the summer. He’s heard everything, knows all the details from messages and phone calls from Jungkook, but he doesn’t cut him any slack, and it’s probably a good thing.

Jungkook showers for the first time in three days, or is it four? Realising once he’s under the water just how grimy he’s let himself get. He dresses in clean clothes too, making him feel marginally better as he makes his way to Taehyung’s and his window.

When he climbs in Taehyung is led on his stomach on his bed, grinning at something he’s watching on his phone. He jumps when Jungkook launches himself over the windowsill.

 

“Fuck,” Taehyung bites out, “didn’t hear your car.”

 

“Distracted by porn,” Jungkook quips dryly.

 

Taehyung rolls his eyes, “no dick talk,” he tells Jungkook sternly, “that is one of our sacred rules.”

 

Jungkook smiles for the first time in days before he remembers why he and Taehyung have the no dick talk rules, and his thoughts go back to Jimin and his face falls.

 

“Oh Kook,” Taehyung croons softly, pulling Jungkook down to the bed and hugging him, “you guys will figure it out.”

 

Jungkook looks at Taehyung, surprised, “you don’t mean that,” he tells him, “why the hell would he want anything to do with me once I tell him that I cheated on him, got Jin pregnant and that I’m getting married this summer. If he’s got any brains, and he’s got plenty, he’ll run far the fuck away from me.”

 

“He loves you,” Taehyung told him simply, “and he doesn’t seem the sort to give up easily.”

 

Jungkook snorts, “you really are an eternal optimist Tae.”

 

Taehyung smiled back, “yep,” he agreed happily, “how are you anyway? Plans going, you know, ok?”

 

Jungkook shrugged, “I haven’t had much to do with it really, I guess so. Actually, there is one thing I need to do.”

 

Taehyung nodded, encouraging him to continue.

 

“I need a best man,” he told Taehyung, feeling nervous for some reason, “would you be it? For me?”

 

“You want me to be your best man?” Taehyung asked, “you don’t want to ask Jimin?”

 

Jungkook shook his head, “I don’t even know if I could stand him being there while I promised to love someone else for the rest of my life,” he told Taehyung, “I’d probably be looking at him while I was saying my vows anyway.”

 

Taehyung giggled a bit, adding, “and when they say kiss the bride…” he trailed off.

 

Jungkook smiled, “yeah, I’d probably kiss him instead,” he agreed.

 

Taehyung smiled back sadly, “if you want me to do it I will,” he agreed, “although you know I am fundamentally against this whole marriage right?”

 

Jungkook nodded, “me too,” he agreed, “going to need you to hold my hand, get me through this.”

 

“Ask Jimin too,” Taehyung told him, “maybe not to be your best man, but to be there, even if he says no, let him know that you want him to stay by your side.”

 

Jungkook winced, “isn’t that monumentally fucking selfish?” he asked.

 

Taehyung nodded, “yeah,” he breathed, “but then he’ll know that you’re serious about wanting to work things out with him, somehow. If he chooses to walk away, you’ll have to let him, but he needs to know that you’re willing to fight for him.”

 

Jungkook swallowed hard, “yeah, I guess you’re right,” he agreed.

 

Taehyung slapped him lightly on the shoulder, “of course I’m right,” he told Jungkook, mock offended, “now, let’s go get something to eat huh? You look like you haven’t eaten in a week.”

 

Jungkook nodded, not wanting to admit how close to the truth Taehyung’s words sailed.

 

 

They went out, grabbing food and heading for the park they hung out at when they were all at school. They commandeered the swings, not moving much, using them as seats, eating what they’ve brought with them and talking. This is the same park where Jungkook first experienced his sexual awakening, and he isn’t actually sure if he’s ever told Taehyung the story.

 

“I used to take girls into those trees over there,” he started conversationally, making Taehyung shoot him a knowing and pervy look.

 

“That was the first time I caught Joon and Jin giving each other hand jobs.”

 

Taehyung inhaled sharply, and choked on his mouthful of food, “the first time?” he croaked, horrified.

 

“The only time,” Jungkook amended quickly, “but, like, the first time I’d seen two guys.”

 

“Yeah?” Taehyung asked, looking unsure whether to believe Jungkook, “what did you think?”

 

“Well the fact that I got hard watching them and not for the girl I was with gave me a bit of a clue,” Jungkook told him dryly.

 

Taehyung snorted, “you’re so gay Kook,” he teased.

 

Jungkook scoffed, “you’ve literally fucked around with half of the guys in town,” he pointed out, “even the ones who thought they were straight.”

 

Taehyung giggled, “I do enjoy corrupting the innocent ones,” he agreed.

 

“Pervert,” Jungkook teased back.

 

“Don’t knock it ‘till you’ve tried it,” Taehyung quipped back, smirking again at Jungkook, “oh yeah, you already did.”

 

“No dick talk,” Jungkook grumbled at Taehyung, “and don’t remind me, makes me miss Jimin, and feel guilty and horny, and I don’t know, fucking confused.”

 

Taehyung sighed, “I know,” he told Jungkook, pulling him off the swing, keeping his fingers laced with Jungkook’s, “let’s go home, we have a wedding to talk about.”

 

 

Hyejin finally got permission to talk to Jungkook alone a week after he left school and just a couple of days before he was due to start his new job. It was halfway through the morning, and he knew she was coming, but he just couldn’t bring himself to get out of bed. He’d had another couple of texts from Jimin this morning, his boyfriend now sounding concerned that he hadn’t heard much from Jungkook, and he was still struggling with being anything but wooden with Jimin, knowing he’d be home in the next few days, and that he was going to have to talk to him. He was alone in the house, so when Hyejin arrived he had no choice but to get out of bed to let her in, not bothering to put anything else on other than the pyjama bottoms he hadn’t got out of for days now.

 

“Going for the casual look?” Hyejin had joked with him when he opened the door.

 

He just grunted in reply, heading back to his bedroom, knowing she’d follow him.

He watched as she looked around his admittedly very messy bedroom. He’s barely unpacked, and what he has is just littered around the place. He shoved some clothes off the only chair in his room, climbing back into his bed and under the covers.

 

“You ok Kook?” Hyejin asked him softly.

 

He looked at her blankly, “no,” he answered starkly, “are you?”

 

She shrugged, “not really, but we kind of have to be now.” Her hand strayed to her stomach, still totally flat, no sign of the enormous changes taking place inside her.

 

“I know,” Jungkook huffed, “it’s just…everything,” he tried to explain.

 

Then his phone pinged again, making him wince when he checked it, the third message from Jimin this morning, the third that would go unanswered.

 

“Not going to reply?” Hyejin asked him when he threw the phone on the bed, glaring at it accusingly.

 

“Can't,” he grunted, “I just…can’t.”

 

Something seems to click for Hyejin, “is that the girl you’re in love with?” she asked him softly.

 

He nodded.

 

“She doesn’t know yet does she?” Hyejin guessed.

 

Jungkook shook his head, suddenly just fucking sick of everything, “I just don’t know how to tell him,” he blurted out.

 

“Him?” Hyejin checked.

 

Jungkook nodded again, “yeah,” he sighed out resigned, “him.”

 

“Oh,” Hyejin replied, “oh shit,” she carried on, “your parents have no idea, do they? That’s why they never said anything, they have no idea that you love someone else do they?”

 

“No,” Jungkook told her softly, “they’d never accept it anyway.”

 

“Kook, you’re gay?” Hyejin asked him incredulously.

 

“Bi,” he told her.

 

“Oh good,” she replied, somewhat nonsensically, making Jungkook look at her.

 

“If you’re gay Kook how in the actual hell did we end up having sex? I would have properly felt like I’d forced you.”

 

He shrugged, “you didn’t force me, you wouldn’t, I know that.”

 

“God it’s all such a fucking mess isn’t it?” she sighed, before adding, “tell me about the guy?”

 

Jungkook took a big breath in, intending to give Hyejin the bare details of who Jimin was, but once he started talking, he couldn’t stop.

 

“God Jin,” he started, sighing, his face softening, “his name’s Jimin, he goes to school in Seoul too, with Yoongi though, not me. He’s an art major, he draws, and honestly Jin he’s so fucking talented.” He pauses to take a breath, “you know the drawing at mum’s café? Of the interior and mum and I? He drew that. He is the sweetest, nicest man you will ever meet, and he’s fucking sexy too, his body…yeah, well I’ll just leave that there,” he chuckles a bit. “When he smiles it’s so big his cheeks make his eyes kind of disappear, which is so adorable, I love him Jin, so fucking much.” He can’t carry on after that, the lump in his throat making him choke on his words.

 

“Oh Kook,” Hyejin sympathises, climbing on his bed with him and hugging him, letting him cry into her shoulder, “you need to talk to him huh?”

 

“I need to hug him and have him tell me everything is going to be ok,” Jungkook all but wails, “but I can’t ask him to do that after what I’ve done can I? I’m such an asshole, he deserves better.”

 

His choking sobs mean that Hyejin doesn’t bother trying to reply, just holds him and lets him cry it out, stroking her hand down his bare back. Vaguely Jungkook realises that he should feel something, pretty girl in his bed, touching his skin, it should do something for him, but there’s nothing, just the comfort of a friend’s hug, and he’s grateful. He never planned to confess to her that he had a boyfriend, not a girlfriend but she’s taken it like the good friend she is. He supposed if he has to be in a loveless marriage, raising a child he hadn’t planned, then doing it with Hyejin, someone he can trust with his innermost thoughts is as good as it can get.

 

 

 

He does reply to Jimin’s texts, but things are still awkward between them, and Jungkook just cannot find a way to tell him what’s happened. He’s interviewed at his dad's workplace and been offered a job. Working there is ok, he can do the work, and they’re going to train him further. But it is nothing like he imagined for himself. The only relief is that working with his dad means he doesn’t have to go to the café, doesn’t have to face the place where Jimin is so indelibly imprinted, even down to his art on the wall. 

He also gets to avoid food, which is good. He isn’t eating properly, he knows he’s losing weight, but even the thought of eating makes him want to retch, the few bits he manages to choke down lying heavily in his stomach. It’s like he doesn’t have room for food, too full of misery. 

When Jimin texts him to find out if they are both on earlies for the first week of the year he cannot even reply, how can he tell him everything that’s happened over a text, knowing how much pain he is about to inflict on Jimin is paralysing.

He has to tell him though, arranging to have that first Monday off, planning to go to the café and speak to Jimin face to face, he owes him that much.

 

 

When he walks into the café he is shaking, feeling his heart speed up and lurch when he catches a glimpse of Jimin, looking slightly more slender himself, but smiling widely at a customer, chatting amicably, charming her. He looks even happier when he spots Jungkook, although somewhat confused. There is nothing Jungkook wants more than to run to Jimin, to burrow into his arms and just hold him, he’s missed him so much. He doesn’t even get the chance, before he’s been able to say anything beyond hi to Jimin his mum is there, her own excitement feeling obscene under the circumstances. He wanted to tell Jimin himself, wanted to explain carefully but all of that flies out of the window when his mum just blurts everything out. Jungkook watches in horror as Jimin’s face freezes and goes white. By the time they make it outside to the relative privacy of the courtyard, Jimin is actually shaking.

 

“There’s nothing I can do,” he protests weakly to Jimin.

 

“There’s a baby?” Jimin croaks in response, looking completely in shock, “how is there a baby?” 

 

“The usual way,” he replies.

 

“It’s yours?” Jimin questions softly.

 

Jungkook can only nod wordlessly.

 

“Explain,” Jimin tells him, his tone stern.

 

Jungkook shudders out a sigh and finally tells Jimin the truth, catching him up on everything that’s happened in the last few weeks. He admits to cheating on Jimin, to sleeping with Hyejin, he explains that she’s pregnant, that they’d planned to have an abortion but that her parents had found out. 

 

Jimin looks dumbfounded and angry and sad and a whole bunch of other things that are just breaking Jungkook’s heart. But he can’t stop there, he has to tell Jimin that he’s getting married and, that by the end of the year, he’s going to be a dad.

 

He cries, he can’t help it, he knows Jimin is going to break up with him, he deserves it, he’s treated Jimin appallingly.

 

“Do you love her?” is all Jimin asks

 

“Min no but you know I care about her, I can’t just abandon her if they are going to make her have the baby, I have no choice but to stick by her,” he tells Jimin, hoping beyond hope that some little part of Jimin might understand.

 

He doesn’t even reply, shoving away from the table and running into the café.  
Jungkook’s heart officially breaks, knowing he’s lost Jimin, knowing he’s hurt him so fucking much, he dips his head down onto the table, sobbing into his own arms, feeling so very alone. By the time he pulls himself together, and for once not giving a shit what their little scene may have looked like from his mother’s perspective, Jimin has left, sent home because he was ill. Jungkook texts him, apologising, telling Jimin over and over again that he loves him, and that he’ll do anything he can to make it up to him, Jimin responds to none of them.

 

 

 

He tries for ten days, hearing snippets on the grapevine what has been going on in Jimin’s life. Yoongi has moved in with him, his parents finally making good on their threats and kicking him out. He hears that Jimin has been promoted to his old role at the café, cooking and baking, and he’s proud of Jimin. After the tenth day, with no replies from Jimin, he finally accepts that he needs to leave Jimin alone, for both of their sakes.

It’s been the longest ten days of his life, it was hard enough trying to live with himself when he left school, but knowing that Jimin is so close now, and not being able to be with him is torture.

Jungkook stops sleeping, not intentionally, he just can’t fall asleep, lying awake late into the night, mind racing. If he does manage to fall asleep, his exhausted body finally giving up, his sleep is plagued by nightmares, and he’s often jolted awake, drenched in sweat and heart racing. He eats even less, having to yank his belt tighter and tighter to stop his trousers falling right off him. His muscles shrink, leaving him spindly where he was once beautifully toned.

And then Jimin actually texts him, he is at work, he can’t really talk, he shouldn’t even have his phone out at his desk, but it’s from Jimin, and he just has to reply.  
The first thing that Jimin asks is,

 

“hey, are you ok?”

 

Jungkook could cry at his desk, no, he really isn’t ok. He exchanges a few messages with Jimin, phone in his lap, trying not to make it obvious that his attention has suddenly completely disappeared from his actual job, and all his attention is on his little phone screen and the messages that he’s getting.  
Jimin won’t come out tonight, but he will let Jungkook visit him, and for the first time in what feels like a very long time, Jungkook feels hopeful.

 

 

He wanted to be brave, to let Jimin have his say, to scream at Jungkook if he needed to, but the minute he sees Jimin, Jungkook can barely contain himself, breath hitching painfully as he fought the tears. And Jimin is so sweet, wrapping his arms around Jungkook, soothing him. Jungkook presses his cheek to Jimin’s, wanting nothing more than to kiss him, unsure if Jimin would want this. But he must do because, before he really can think about it, their lips find each others. It’s not passionate or lust filled, it's soft and sweet, it feels like they’re reconnecting like he has come home.

Mindful that they need to talk, he pulls back regretfully and lets Jimin ask all of the things that he wants to know. They talk about what plans have been made for Jungkook’s future, and he needs Jimin to know that he’s really had no hand in this. Jimin looks pretty horrified when he tells him that the job at his dad’s workplace isn’t just for the summer, that he’s quit school in order to save money so he and Hyejin can move out and live together once the baby is closer. He asks Jimin to come to the wedding and is sort of hurt but understands when Jimin refuses. He needs him there, by his side, but, in some ways, it’ll be easier to keep Jimin away. Having Jimin watch him get married to someone else would probably kill them both.

He’s even kind enough to ask about Hyejin, wondering how she’s coping with all of the same changes that Jungkook is facing, plus the added pressure of actually being pregnant. The truth is she isn’t really coping either, he’s doing what he can for her but right now she’s incredibly angry that they’re being forced to go through with this, and there is nothing he can do to make that better.

Jimin makes him laugh, and then he’s kissing Jungkook’s neck, making little contented noises and riling Jungkook up. They end up having sex, desperate and hard for the first round, and it’s over quicker than Jungkook would like to admit. The second round isn’t a fuck, it is a slow and sensual lovemaking, and it’s wonderful. When they are finally satiated in each other’s bodies, Jimin pulls him gently to the kitchen, quickly preparing them both something to eat. Jungkook protests at first, food has been pretty low down on his priority list for weeks now. But something has eased inside of him, and today he can eat. They sit companionably together at the kitchen bench, savouring their food, smiling softly at each other when they catch each other’s eyes, and Jungkook just wants to live in this moment forever.

 

 

They have four blissful days together, working separately, Jungkook going to Jimin’s house after work, staying the night, heading home in the early morning to get ready for work Jungkook isn’t stupid, he knows that despite the fact that they are spending every moment they can together that it is temporary, he isn’t prepared for just how temporary though. It starts off innocently enough when they’re cuddling on the couch, both of them having eaten a decent sized meal now that they’ve reconciled.

 

“Min,” he starts, cuddling into Jimin, “I love this, I love you.” 

 

Jimin cuddles him back, and kisses him, “me too, going to miss this so much.”

 

“Miss it why?” Jungkook asked, wondering.

 

“When you’re married,” Jimin answers like it’s obvious, “you won’t be round every night cuddling once you have a baby to care for will you?”

 

“But I can still come, right? Sometimes?” he asked Jimin softly.

 

Jimin signed deeply, and Jungkook just knows that he’s about to hear something that he doesn’t want to.

 

“Kook,” he starts carefully, “I’m not going to be here after September.”

 

Jungkook pushed himself up and away from Jimin, staring at him, not understanding, “wait, what? You’ve graduated Min.”

 

Jimin nodded, “yeah, I know,” he said softly, “but I’m going back to Seoul.”

 

“Why?” Jungkook choked out, never having considered that Jimin wouldn’t stay in Busan, “I thought you’d… I don’t know, be around now?”

 

Jimin shook his head, “remember that guy from last year? The art dealer guy?” he started to explain.

 

Jungkook nodded, “yeah, the guy who made you cry with his card?”

 

Jimin chuckled slightly, “yeah, him. Well, I met with him, showed him my portfolio, he liked it, he’s had me do another couple of pieces, and he wants to represent me, Kook, I’m going back to Seoul to work. He’s helping me rent a little studio there, wants me to draw full time to prepare for my first exhibition, probably around Christmas time.”

 

“Shit,” Jungkook gasped, it would be fucking Christmas time, would it? “The baby is due at Christmas time.”

 

Jimin’s face looked pained, “oh Kook,” he says quietly.

 

Jungkook shook his head, looking up at Jimin, mustering every last bit of resolve he had, “no Min, I’m sorry, that’s fantastic news for you, I’m really proud of you, honestly.”

 

“I was going to ask you to come, you know, when the exhibition is open?” Jimin asked softly, “but I guess…” he trailed off.

 

That hurts Jungkook, that Jimin doesn’t think he’ll be a priority in his life anymore. Without even thinking about the implications, or how in the hell he was going to honour his promise he replied, “Min, I’ll be there, just try and damn well stop me.” 

 

 

 

That Friday Jungkook had to somehow explain to Jimin that instead of their usual night out, they would be going somewhere else, to an undisclosed venue, wearing matching outfits. Namjoon had decided that, no matter how farcical this wedding was, and they all knew it, they couldn’t let the first one of their friendship group get married without a bachelor party. Namjoon has gone all out, even providing Jungkook with separately bagged outfits for himself, Jimin and Yoongi, and his job is to persuade them to wear them. 

They protest, Yoongi especially, but Jungkook is glad that Jimin agrees, he looks so fucking good as a pink-clad fairy. He can’t keep his hands to himself once Jimin is all dressed up, kissing him deeply and passionately, leaving them both hard as hell by the time Yoongi interrupts them.  
Jungkook doesn’t miss the way Taehyung pulls Jimin in for a whispered chat and some cuddles once they get on the minibus, it’s kind of sweet, and Jungkook is happy for them to have their moment, chatting with the others.

They make it to the venue, and of course, it’s a fucking gay bar, Namjoon has seriously outdone himself. He looks briefly unsure when Seokjin calls him out on it, but he doesn’t need to worry, Jungkook literally can barely hold himself together for laughing, it’s ironically perfect.

They drink, and dance, even having lap dance lessons which Jungkook can’t resist trying out on Jimin. He is meant to be arousing Jimin, and he does, but he also sends himself closer to the edge than he should be. Jimin is discrete, and, despite his drunkenness, Jungkook knows to shut the hell up when Jimin slides a hand up his thigh and manages to stroke him to climax while he’s sat in Jimin’s lap. He feels kind of bad, leaving Jimin hard again while he goes and cleans up, but he vows to make it up to him.

Jimin heads for the toilet after Jungkook returns and, confusingly, won’t let Jungkook return the favour for the rest of the night, when he does manage to get his hands on Jimin it's clear he’s soft, no longer interested. Jungkook wonders if he’d jacked off in the bathroom but it seems unlikely for Jimin.

 

The following morning, he wakes up alone and hungover so badly he can’t even look at his phone until the middle of the afternoon. He has no messages from Jimin.

 

 

 

In the final countdown before the wedding he doesn’t get to see Jimin, his parents suddenly way more alert to him disappearing off, not letting him, and making him help out with wedding stuff. Jimin texts, but it's general now, like they’re friends and nothing more, and Jungkook can’t work out where it had all gone wrong. The only conclusion that he can come to is that Jimin has changed his mind, doesn’t want to be with Jungkook anymore and the thought scares the shit out of him.   
He stops eating again, stops being able to sleep again, without Jimin, it’s just not worth it. It takes a very short time for Jungkook to completely spiral into freefall and then, after one particularly hard day at work, the lack of sleep making his brain fuzzy and resulting in a dressing down by his manager, Jungkook can’t take it anymore.

He’s swiped his dads sleeping pills before, in a desperate attempt to get at least some sleep, even if it’s mediated. They’re strong, they knock him out, but the leave him feeling like he’s somehow disconnected from the world for the rest of the following day, or maybe it isn’t the pills, maybe he really is. He messages Jimin, but only gets a very generic simple reply, he messages Hyejin but she’s out somewhere planning baby stuff with her mother, he messages everyone, needing help but not able to articulate it, understanding finally why Yoongi always found it so hard to admit he needed someone else.

He sits at his desk, feeling weirdly calm while he writes the note, its short, simple and to the point. He apologises, tells them he loves someone else, and tells them he just cannot do this. Then he makes his way downstairs, looking for the strongest alcohol in the house he can actually swallow without retching. He has the pills, the whisky and the note, and then Taehyung texts him back. He just sends him two words in response,

 

“Sorry Tae.” 

 

His phone lights up almost immediately with an incoming call,

 

“What the fuck is that supposed to mean?” Taehyung asked him, the fear evident in his voice.

 

And Jungkook can hardly talk, choking out, “I just can’t anymore Tae, I just can’t.”

 

“Where are you?” Taehyung asked him, his tone now high and panicked.

 

“Home,” Jungkook told him dully.

 

“Don’t move, I’ll be there in like five minutes.

 

Jungkook hung up, doing as instructed, staying stiller than a statue, until less than four minutes later a very breathless Taehyung appeared at his window. He took one look at the scene and burst into tears, grabbing Jungkook as far away from his desk and holding him tightly.

 

“Did you take anything?” he choked out.

 

Jungkook shook his head, “not yet.”

 

“Thank fuck,” Taehyung moaned, stroking Jungkook’s back, his hair and his jawline tenderly, “don’t you ever, ever fucking do anything like that ok? I love you, we all fucking love you Kook, just, please,” he begged.

 

Jungkook allowed Taehyung to pull him down to the bed, hugging him tightly, murmuring all of the ways he was going to be there for Jungkook, all the ways that they were all going to be there for him.

 

He must have fallen asleep, exhausted and emotional in Taehyung’s arms. When he woke up, all evidence of his intentions were gone, banished to god knows where by Taehyung. But Taehyung is still there, waiting for him, not moving from his side.

 

“Don’t tell anyone,” Jungkook croaked out the second he woke up and saw what Taehyung had done.

 

“Only if you promise me that if you ever feel like that again that you invoke purple to us ok? That is what it’s there for, that is what we are all here for Kook.”

 

Taehyung looks exhausted and terrified, and Jungkook nods meekly.

 

“Ok Tae,” he promises, snuggling back into Taehyung’s side, “I’m sorry.”

 

“You bloody should be,” Taehyung whispered, “who would be my best friend if you were gone? We are destined to be friends forever, don’t take that away from me.”

 

Jungkook was still beyond tired, but he didn’t want to be alone,

 

“Stay tonight?” he asked Taehyung.

 

“I’m never fucking leaving you alone again,” Taehyung whispered fiercely, his protective tone making Jungkook smile, and relax a bit.

 

They both showered and redressed in Jungkook’s sleeping clothes, Taehyung holding Jungkook petting him back to sleep. When Jungkook woke with yet another nightmare, Taehyung was there, soothing it away, letting Jungkook fall back to sleep again. Apart from letting him go to work, Taehyung refuses to let him be alone again.

 

 

 

Two days before the wedding, Jungkook’s mum comes home from the café early, holding yet more paperwork in her hand.

 

“Sit down Jungkookie,” she tells him softly, “I have some news.”

 

So far in his life experience, this has rarely been positive, so he braces himself.

 

“The cake maker has backed out,” his mum rushes, “but don’t panic, I have found a replacement.”

 

He looks relieved, but not for the reason his mum is thinking, the cake? Really? He couldn’t really give two fucks about it until she explains.

 

“Jimin was there when I got the call,” she starts, adding almost absentmindedly, “he’s such a sweet boy.”

 

Jungkook’s heart clenches, he thought so too, but he’s barely heard from Jimin in days.

 

“Anyway,” his mum continues, “Jimin is going to make your cake, I need you and Hyejin to look over his drawing and check you are happy with everything so I can give   
him the go ahead.”

 

She passes Jungkook the drawing and Jimin’s meticulous annotations and planning lists. He can barely recall what the original cake was going to look like, but this one is stunning, if Jimin manages to bring his drawing to life then they’re going to have the most beautiful cake, but at what cost?

Jimin must be avoiding him for a reason, having him drafted in at the last moment to make the cake has got to be hurting him. He nods to his mum, agreeing, telling her to take it to Hyejin, that he’s happy, and then he heads straight upstairs for his phone to message Jimin, hoping that he can apologise enough to make it ok.

 

From: Me

“I don’t know whether to say sorry or thank you Min, or both. Your drawing is amazing, the cake is going to be amazing and I love you so fucking much for saying yes. I hate myself knowing how much it’s going to hurt you though.”

 

From: Min

“Don’t hate yourself, Kook, I don’t.”

 

Easier said than done as far as Jungkook is concerned, but Jimin is chattier tonight, and they end up exchanging a few more messages. He tries to keep it light, tries not to let it show just how much he’s struggling to hold on right now, even with Taehyung by his side. He manages less than 24 hours before he cracks completely and goes to Jimin’s house.

He gets there at about 9 pm, jittery and on edge, Jimin’s mum letting him in because fuck, he’d forgotten that they’d be there. And Jimin isn’t back from the café yet.

He must look like shit because Jimin’s mum leads him past the lounge, to their library room where Jimin’s dad is sat quietly reading, and Jungkook doesn’t miss the glance that they share between them as Jimin’s mum excuses herself to attend to some chores.

 

“Jungkook,” Jimin’s dad starts, “come and sit?”

 

Jungkook nods, going to sit in the chair next to him, the chair is comfortable, but he is tense.

 

“Tomorrows the big day huh?” Jimin’s dad asks softly, “are you nervous?”

 

Jungkook nodded, and gulped, already struggling to hold himself together.

 

Jimin’s dad gets it, “it’s a big thing even when you are in love,” he states carefully.

 

“I don’t love her,” Jungkook blurted out, “I love…”

 

“Jimin,” his dad finished, “I know, of course, and he loves you too. It’s a brave and very mature thing you are doing, taking care of your responsibilities, but not an   
easy road.”

 

Jungkook swallowed hard again, “I just don’t know how I’m going to do it,” he confessed, “get married, work at a job I hate, have a baby, it’s too much.”

 

“It is a lot,” Jimin’s dad conceded, “no matter what age you are, and how ready you think you are, that little baby of yours is going to turn your life upside down, but it will be the best thing you ever do, trust me.”

 

Jungkook looked at him bleakly, “I’m going to lose the love of my life in the process though, and have to live with someone who is a friend at best, and we’re going to   
fuck up that baby.”

 

“You have people around you who won’t let that happen Jungkook, don’t panic. No one knows how to raise a baby, everyone is just doing their best.

 

Jimin’s mum poked her head around the door, “boys,” she interrupted, “I’ve made some tea, it’s in the lounge.”

 

Jimin’s dad stood up, “excellent, come on Jungkook,” he encouraged, and they walked back to the lounge together.

 

They made small talk for a bit while they were drinking their tea, Jungkook wondering if he should really leave, it didn’t seem like Jimin was coming back any time soon, and he had to get married tomorrow.

 

When he finished his tea, and Jimin’s dad set about clearing up, Jimin’s mum patted him gently on the knee,

 

“are you doing ok?” she asked him gently.

 

He spent so long avoiding Jimin’s parents that he’s missed out on their kind and loving natures, he should have known that they’d be good people, Jimin is, and they took in Yoongi with no notice and he’s about to lose them along with Jimin. The thought is enough to make tears well up in his eyes.

 

“Oh pet,” Jimin’s mum says softly, reaching for him but letting him decide if he will go to her.

 

He does, letting her wrap her arms around him while he tries to fight the tears, then she whispers to him,

 

“It’s ok to let go love.”

 

That is enough to make him truly sob, releasing all of his fears and pains, soaking her t-shirt. He doesn’t know how long he cries for but suddenly Jimin is there and Jimin is wrapped around him instead of his mum.

 

“Kook?” Jimin asks him.

 

“Min, oh fuck,” Jungkook moans out, so glad to be in his arms, wishing it wasn’t like this, “I can’t, I can’t do this, I just can’t.” He’s almost pleading with Jimin, choking out his words.

 

“Kook, what can’t you do?” he asks Jungkook quietly. 

 

“Any of it,” Jungkook moaned, “can’t get married, have a baby, live my life working at that fucking place, living without you, I can’t, I just fucking can’t.” He’s gasping, can’t get his breath properly, really properly freaking out now.

 

“Kook,” Jimin commanded, voice steely, “calm down, talk to me, but calm down.”

 

He sounded pissed off, and it’s enough for Jungkook to get a little bit of control of himself to check, he couldn’t be more glad that he’s wrong, Jimin looks concerned.

 

“Come to bed love,” he tells Jungkook gently, “I’m tired, come and talk to me, come and hug me.”

 

He’s still sort of crying as they undress enough for bed, sliding under the covers and cuddling up. He has the presence of mind to send Taehyung a quick message, letting him know that he’s ok and staying with Jimin tonight, he knows Taehyung will be worried otherwise.

 

“Kook, did something happen today?” Jimin checked when he put his phone down.

 

Jungkook shook his head against Jimin’s chest, “I guess it just really hit,” he told Jimin, “from tomorrow I will be Hyejin’s husband, like an actual grown up, I just don’t feel ready you know?” 

 

“Kook, maybe no one is ever really ready,” he suggested.

 

“But I don’t love her,” Jungkook sighed sadly, “I love you, and I’m going to lose you and it feels so fucking bad.” A fresh wave of tears spilt from Jungkook’s eyes as he clung tighter on to Jimin.

 

“You’re not going to lose me,” Jimin told him, “maybe you and Hyejin aren’t conventional but she respects you, and you can respect her, and you can support each other at least can’t you? Work together to raise your baby?”

 

Jungkook nodded, “yeah,” he breathed, “I can do that, I just…you really mean it? That I won’t lose you?” Jungkook hardly dares to hope that Jimin is telling him the truth.

 

“I’m here,” he told Jungkook, “until we are ancient and wrinkly and surrounded by grandchildren, I’ll be here.”

 

Jungkook nearly fucking cries again at the idea, “god I hope so,” he told Jimin, before questioning, “when did you get so fucking wise?”

 

Jimin sniggered, “talking to my dad,” he confessed, “it’s not me at all.”

 

Jungkook giggled back, “he’s pretty cool, was talking to me earlier before I totally lost the plot.”

 

Jimin squeaked, “how long were you here?” he asked.

 

“Oh, umm, probably close to an hour? I thought you’d be home, but you weren’t, so they asked me to stay and wait. I chatted with your dad for a bit, and then your mum, and then I kind of lost it I guess, and then you came home.”

 

“You?” Jimin asked incredulously, “voluntarily entered the house knowing I wasn’t home, and spoke to both my parents, without me being home, and ended up getting cuddles from my mum? I thought you were scared of all parents,” he finished, the amusement clear in his voice.

 

Jungkook squirmed with embarrassment, “yeah fine, I was kind of a dick about meeting them, they are, I don’t know, really….you know?” Jungkook tried, floundering for the right words.

 

Jimin giggled, “yep, that’s my parents, really…you know.”

 

Jungkook jabbed him in the ribs, “oi, don’t take the piss,” he grumbled, making Jimin jump and squawk at the sudden poke, reaching to Jungkook’s ribs to tickle him back.

 

One minute they’re giggling together and messing about, and the next they’re kissing, and god does he need this right now. He fucks Jimin first, hard and fast, a bit too hard and fast as he comes before Jimin has the chance. He was going to jerk him or blow him but Jimin wants to fuck him back, and right now it’s the best damn idea he’s ever heard. Jungkook usually tops, but tonight he doesn’t care. Jimin licks him, tongues and fingers him open before pushing inside him gently. It’s good, but Jungkook wants to damn well feel it in the morning so he begs for Jimin to fuck him hard. Eventually, Jimin gets the message, slamming into him in a way that Jungkook knows he won’t just feel the next morning, but probably for days.

 

 

On the morning of the wedding, Jimin sucks him off, letting Jungkook come down his throat, jerking himself off at the same time. They shower together and then, Jungkook heads home, wearing Jimin’s underwear. Despite the fact that he’s fucking terrified about today, the thought of having something of Jimin’s curving around his ass and cupping his dick makes him smile.

 

Heading home he feels strangely calm, resigned to his fate but also with a new determination that he really has to do his best to make this work for all of them. His mum is in an utter flap when he gets back, admonishing him for staying out overnight, telling him off for the dark circles under his eyes, noting that he has at least showered this morning. He is sent off to the venue with his dad and Taehyung, not able to talk but Taehyung shooting him questioning glances all the way there. He tries to tell him with tiny expressions that he’s doing ok, but he’s still dragged off to a quiet corner as soon as they arrive.

 

Taehyung hugs him carefully, “you ok?” he questions.

 

Jungkook nods, “yeah, it’s pretty surreal, but yeah.”

 

“So,” Taehyung smirks, “last night?”

 

“With Jimin,” Jungkook confirms very quietly.

 

“Getting the dick the night before your wedding,” Taehyung tutted in mock disapproval, “naughty boy.”

 

“Think he fucked me to stop me crying,” Jungkook told him flippantly.

 

“Oh Kook,” Taehyung sighed, before adding, “wait, he fucked you? Thought he bottomed usually?”

 

Jungkook rolled his eyes, “you’ve literally watched him fuck me Tae,” getting distracted by his phone going off, pulling it out to see a photo that Jimin has sent him, of a box seatbelted into the front seat of his car.

 

“I think my wedding cake is on its way,” he told Taehyung, turning the phone around to show him.

 

“How are you feeling about Jimin coming today?” Taehyung asked him.

 

Jungkook shrugged, “don’t really know,” he told Taehyung, “I mean, I want him here, but it’s bad enough one of us has to go through this. I don’t really want him to watch when I promise to love and care for someone else for the rest of my life do I? I want to be able to look after him while I do it, but I can’t”

 

Taehyung shook his head, “I know, Yoongi and the others will take care of him though, he’ll be ok.”

 

“God, I hope so,” Jungkook told Taehyung, just in time, his dad rounded the corner having been looking for the boys so they could get dressed.

 

They were ushered into a side room, with plenty of space for them to spread out and a separate room for actually getting dressed in. his dad went first, taking his sweet time, followed by Hyejin’s dad. He was next in, stripping off the clothes he’d worn to Jimin’s last night, and home again this morning, leaving just Jimin’s underwear on, looking at himself in the mirror, noting all of the bruises and marks Jimin had left on his body. He’d been careful to make sure none of them were visible when Jungkook was dressed, maybe subconsciously. Jungkook placed his fingertips on his hips, over the bruises Jimin had left, remembering the way he’d held on to him while fucking into him so damn hard, and he smiled to himself in the mirror, hoping he never has to give this up When Taehyung is dressing there is a brief knock at the door, and then his mum is poking her head around the door and then showing Jimin inside. It’s all Jungkook can do to stay still and not to throw himself at Jimin and hug him. He’s carrying his suit bag, needing somewhere to change too. They exchange a few words, awkwardly in front of the others, and then he points Jimin to the room where Taehyung is changing, knowing he won’t mind if Jimin joins him.

 

Just before the ceremony starts, when he’s stood at the altar with his dad and Taehyung by his side, he notices Jimin. He looks gorgeous but suddenly he goes pale and looks shaky and like he’s on the brink of bursting into tears. There is nothing Jungkook can do, he can only watch as Yoongi slips his hand into Jimin’s and murmurs to him as Jimin slumps over in his seat, breathing hard. Hoseok shuffles subtly closer and he cannot tear his eyes off Jimin. He feels truly awful, knowing that he’s done this to the man he is supposed to love, and there is nothing he can do right now to make things ok. When the music starts, signalling Hyejin’s arrival, Taehyung has to force him to look away from Jimin’s suffering, to focus on the moment. He thinks he does ok, answers the questions correctly, puts the ring on Hyejin’s finger, and even kisses her which is a fucking weird moment for both of them. But he keeps checking in with Jimin, thankfully he’s better, he’s managing to smile, although it goes nowhere near his eyes, and Jungkook knows it’s fake.

 

He doesn’t get to talk with Jimin for the rest of the night, he is cowed by duties, sticking with Hyejin, dancing with her, eating with her, listening to speeches with her. Jimin is acknowledged as the hero cake maker which is good, but it is a truly bittersweet moment when he and Hyejin cut into it together, Jimin off to the side.

Jimin gets very very drunk, drunker than Jungkook has ever seen him and in the end, he has to beg Yoongi to take Jimin home now, knowing he’s going to be suffering tomorrow.

He and Hyejin have a hotel room for the night with a thankfully huge bed. They do sleep in it together, but before he goes to sleep, Jungkook builds a pillow wall between them, just in case he gets cuddly in his sleep, the thought of wrapping himself around Hyejin is all sorts of wrong. 

He messages Jimin in the morning but gets nothing from him until he and Hyejin are checking out, it’s a generic, to everyone text, telling them all that he’s hungover and that he’ll talk to them later. He messages him back immediately, telling him that he loves him, and that nothing has changed and that he’s going to go and see Jimin later. He doesn’t get a reply, but Jimin hasn’t told him to stay away so he’s going.

He doesn’t manage to escape until the early evening, his parents and Hyejin’s wanting to get together for a meal to celebrate. It’ll be the last of the celebrations, both of them go back to work tomorrow, no honeymoon for them, they just don’t have the money. 

He sneaks out, knowing that his mum would approve, not caring but not wanting to have to explain. Jimin’s mum lets him in with a sympathetic smile and he heads to Jimin’s room. He’s asleep, probably still working off his hangover, but Jungkook can’t hold back, going straight to him and hugging him.

 

“I’m so sorry Min,” he choked out as Jimin woke up, “I’m so sorry you had to come yesterday, I wish more than anything I could take it back.”

 

“It’s ok,” Jimin reassured him, voice thick with sleep.

 

“No, it isn’t,” Jungkook told him urgently, “I watched you, I saw how much it hurt you, and I couldn’t do anything to stop it, I couldn’t help you,” his voice wavers, choking his words around his tears.

 

Jimin rolled over, hugging Jungkook back, “it isn’t your fault,” he told him.

 

“Yes it is,” Jungkook bit back angrily, “it’s all my fucking fault, I’m such a fucking asshole.”

 

“Kook, you’re not, it was one stupid mistake, and you’re stuck with it. I could walk away if I wanted to, you can’t. It’s ok, I’ll be ok.” Jimin hugged him, but his words stung.

 

Jungkook’s tears stopped as he registered what Jimin was saying, “do you want to walk away?” He asked Jimin dully, acknowledging to himself that if this is what Jimin wanted then he was going to have to let him go, no matter how much it hurt him, and he couldn’t let Jimin know.

 

“What? No, of course not,” Jimin started, “unless you want me to,” he concluded quietly.

 

“No,” Jungkook choked out, “that’s the last thing I want, but I wouldn’t blame you, I can’t give you what you want, what you deserve.”

 

“Kook, stop it, you’re what I want,” Jimin told him, hugging him tightly, “can you stay?”

 

Jungkook just nodded against his head, “Probably not but I’m staying anyway.”

 

They didn’t talk more, just curled around each other, telling each other without words, telling each other with hugs and caresses that they really did love each other. Jimin’s words have unnerved Jungkook though because he’s right, he really could just walk away. Unlike Jungkook there is nothing tying Jimin to this situation. As Jimin drifts back to sleep in his arms, Jungkook takes much longer to settle, wondering again if it wouldn’t be best for Jimin to let him go, to set him free from all of the burdens and baggage that Jungkook was now chained to. He loved Jimin, and he honestly didn’t think he’d ever love someone like this again. But Jimin? Jimin deserved so much more.

But Jimin doesn’t let him go that easily and Jungkook can’t stay away, he spends every moment he can with Jimin, knowing that in a few short weeks he will be staying in Busan while his friends and boyfriend return to Seoul, it’s a lonely feeling.

The whole lot of them go out on the last Friday night and it feels more than ever like the end of an era. His friends are going back for their final year, this time next year they will be looking for jobs, or maybe they’ll already be working, and goodness knows where that will be. This time next year his baby will be here, and maybe he won’t be able to go out at all. No one gets super drunk, they want to remember the fun, but they all crash at Jimin’s parents place anyway, knowing they won’t mind, knowing Jimin’s mum takes a not so secret pleasure at having his friends over and feeding them the next morning before sending them on their way, until the next time.

And Jungkook loves it here, in Jimin’s home, with Jimin, with Yoongi, and with Jimin’s parents. They have been so welcoming and kind. They know everything, and yet they’ve still accepted him, still welcomed him. He is so lucky to have met Jimin, for him to come from such an understanding family. All they want it for Jimin to be happy, and if Jungkook makes him happy then that is fine with him. From his early reticence about meeting them, he has become close to them, trusting them, being guided by them. They feel like his second set of parents, and he’s finally realised that he loves them too

 

 

 

When Jimin and everyone else returns to Seoul, Jungkook’s life is suddenly empty. He has only one objective now, make enough money to support him, Hyejin and the baby independently before the baby is born. It’s going to be beyond tight. He’s done some budgeting while he was in Seoul, trying to make sure that his money went far enough to feed him, but nothing like he’s going to have to do now. His new job pays pretty well considering, and he’d thought he’d be fine. Then his parents sat him down, helped him make a budget that included everything, rent, bills, food, covering for Hyejin on maternity leave, and suddenly his money is barely enough. They will survive, but there will be nothing left for luxuries, no budget for trips to Seoul. He’s promised Jimin that he will be there for his exhibition, and he still intends to honour that promise. The only way he can do it is to find a second job, one that his parents don’t know about, and keep that money separately.

He’s kind of worried the first time he goes to suggest it to Hyejin, he might be ok with keeping secrets from his parents, but it seems wrong to keep financial secrets from his wife.

 

“Jin,” he starts, one evening when they are lounging around in his bedroom, just hanging out.

 

“Hmm?” Hyejin questions vaguely back, her attention currently captivated by her phone.

 

“Would you hate me if I told you I’d found a second job?” he questioned.

 

She frowned at him, “why would I hate you and why would you get a second job?” she asked him.

 

“You’ve seen the budget, right?” he asked her, “we literally make enough between us to survive, but that’s it.”

 

“Well yeah,” she told him, “but that’s pretty normal right?”

 

He nodded, “yeah, that’s not my issue, I want to be able to go and see Jimin,” he told her quietly.

 

“Well, of course, you can,” Hyejin told him, like it shouldn’t even be up for discussion.

 

“Yeah but, there is literally no money for petrol or train tickets,” he pointed out.

 

“Oh,” Hyejin told him, making the connections, “hence the extra job.”

 

He nodded, “yeah, it’s not going to pay much, not going to be able to do too many hours, but I sort of want to use that money for me,” he told her, tailing off, feeling like a selfish dick.

 

“Your parents?” Hyejin checked, pointing out the obvious flaw in his plan, if they knew more money was coming in then it would no doubt be assigned a use.

 

“Can’t know,” he told her, “I’m going to open a bank account they don’t know about, be paid into that, I’m happy to share any spare money, but…” he stumbled.

 

“You want it to be your seeing Jimin fund,” Hyejin finished.

 

Jungkook nodded again, “yeah,” he confirmed softly.

 

“It’s cool Kook, going to be bloody hard on you to work two jobs, already bloody hard on you being away from Jimin, its fine with me,” she told him.

 

“I’m not going to let you down,” he told her suddenly, fiercely, needing her to know.

 

She smiled gently at him, “I know,” she told him.

 

 

His second job was very far from glamorous, working behind the scenes in a restaurant. He had a fancy title of course, but what it amounted to was washing up. He was fine with it, it was dull, repetitive and sometimes felt never-ending, but they paid him decently and appreciated him, and that was enough. In some ways, he preferred this job, the one at his dad's place was definitely the better career move, he was going to be able to progress and learn, but it requires so much brain power that it leaves him drained and frazzled. This job leaves him drained too, but it’s physical, easier to deal with. He can have a laugh and a joke with his colleagues here, people closer to his own age, it feels more like being at school.

Jimin messages him regularly, and he messages too, not telling him about the second job either, he’d only worry. And besides, Jungkook’s feelings are kind of hurt. He’d put a letter in one of Jimin’s boxes, it has been intensely private, pretty much a diary of things that had happened since he’d slept with Hyejin, everything that he wanted Jimin to know but was too afraid to tell him, but Jimin hadn’t mentioned it. Jungkook knew it was a lot to process, and maybe after reading it, Jimin was regretting telling Jungkook he’d stick by him. But Jungkook was too afraid to ask so the questions remained unanswered.

 

 

Hyejin and Jungkook move out of their respective parent's houses halfway through November. They’ve managed to rent a small house, in the same neighbourhood. The house was probably last decorated sometime in the seventies, the carpets are a swirly brown nightmare but still thick and soft, so they’ll live with them. The house is completely unfurnished, and they have nothing. People that they don’t even know, who hear that they’re moving in together, offer them things, a couch that was being replaced anyway, a fridge that’s seen better days, and a few mismatched but functional chests of drawers, even a washing machine and an oven. It's beyond generous and they are so very grateful for the savings to their meagre budget. They scour charity shops for bargains to fill the gaps, stumbling upon a bed that proves to be a total godsend. Their place has two bedrooms, clearly, it has been assumed that they will share one and the baby will have the other. That is not going to happen. They’ve already decided that Hyejin will have the large bedroom, there is space in there for a cot too, although a Moses basket will be big enough to start. Their home, when they’re done, is modest but comfortable, and they settle into a new routine together, counting down to Hyejin’s maternity leave and the baby’s arrival.


	8. Twenty One

It’s a week later when Hyejin wakes him up, hand on her distended stomach, fear evident in her eyes.

 

“Kook, my water just broke,” she told him, grimacing slightly as a contraction started.

 

Jungkook went from fast asleep to wide awake and terrified in record time, jumping out of bed.

 

“Fuck,” he spat, “it’s too early, it’s not due for three more weeks.”

 

Hyejin smiled at him indulgently, “I don’t think the baby got the memo,” she told him.

 

“Shit, so it’s coming now, like right now?” he babbled.

 

Hyejin’s eyes widened, letting out the most almighty groan and reaching down between her legs, “oh my god,” she all but yelled.

 

Jungkook legitimately nearly pissed his pants, looking on incredulous as she straightened up laughing at him.

 

“No dummy,” she told him, “it’ll probably be bloody hours yet, haven’t you read any of the damn books?”

 

Jungkook barely managed to choke out, “that wasn’t funny,” before another, milder, but definitely real this time, contraction hit Hyejin.

 

She rested her arms on his chest of drawers, rocking her hips side to side as she breathed through the pain.

 

Jungkook watched, heart still pounding from the stunt she pulled before, unsure what to do to help. He waited until she straightened up.

 

“Do we need to go now?” he asked her.

 

She shook her head, “no, I’ve rung the hospital, they’re happy for me to labour at home for a while, until the contractions are closer together.”

 

“Ok,” Jungkook nodded, “umm, what should I do?”

 

“Pack the bags I haven’t had a chance to do yet, put them in the car, hold my hand, cheer me on,” she listed with a wry smile.

 

“Should I ring your mum?” he asked.

 

Hyejin shook her head, “I don’t want her here, I want it just us if that’s ok?”

 

Jungkook nodded again, “ok, yeah, I don’t have to do anything…” he trailed off, gesturing vaguely at Hyejin’s crotch.

 

She laughed, and then stopped abruptly, her face creasing in disgust.

 

“No, I want you strictly hand holding only,” she told him, wincing again.

 

“You ok?” he checked, unsure.

 

She grimaced, “TMI, but when I laughed it made more fluid come out, I have to go sort that out,” she told him.

 

Hyejin laboured at home for the next few hours, the contractions getting more intense, closer together until finally, she could take no more.

 

“Hospital now Kook please,” she told him, her face still red from the exertion of the last contraction.

 

The car was packed, ready to go, all that remained was helping Hyejin into the car. They waited until the next contraction was over, and then made their way to the car. Jungkook helped Hyejin in, she was clearly uncomfortable despite being between contractions. She hiccupped miserably and then screwed her face up,

 

“bring a bucket too Kook huh?” she told him.

 

They made it to the hospital without her puking, which was a relief. The contractions she’d had in the car had been suddenly more intense, Hyejin is unable to rock   
her way through them belted firmly into the car.

 

The maternity unit wasn’t busy, and the midwives had been unsurprised and calm when Jungkook had raced in to tell them he had his labouring wife in the car. They helped her in, made her comfortable on the bed and examined her. Jungkook hadn’t known where to look when a sweet and innocent looking midwife had literally fingered Hyejin right in front of him.

 

“7 cm,” she'd announced, “you’re doing well, keep doing what you’re doing, let us know if you need help. We’ll pop in from time to time anyway,” and she’d left them to it.

 

Hyejin had been back up on her feet again in no time, pacing the floor. When the next contraction hit, she didn’t have anything the right height to lean on in this room, so she put her arms around Jungkook’s neck and hung onto him while she swayed. He swayed with her, holding her, letting her use him.

They passed the next couple of hours like this, Hyejin getting more and more vocal, more and more uncomfortable until she was deep into one contraction, took a deep breath and started to bear down.

 

“Jin, breathe,” Jungkook reminded her softly.

 

She shook her head, “can’t,” she bit out, “need to push.”

 

“Ok, shit,” Jungkook told her eloquently, “we need the midwife back.”

 

He waited until the contraction had passed, brushing his hand over Hyejin’s sweaty forehead, pushing her hair back and pressed the call button. The midwife arrived as the next contraction did, and this time there was no pretence, Hyejin started pushing straight away.

 

“Breathe through it,” the midwife commanded her gently, but Hyejin shook her head again,

 

“have to push now,” she told the midwife.

 

“When this one is done, I need to examine you again to make sure,” the midwife told her, “you can’t start pushing too soon.”

 

Hyejin ignored her while the contraction reached its peak and then ebbed away, but she did what she was told, returning to the bed. The midwife didn’t take long, confirming to Hyejin what she already knew, it was time.

She chose to kneel, legs spread wide, bearing down onto the bed, holding onto Jungkook, and this part was surprisingly quick. One minute she was being told to push when she was ready, and before Jungkook knew what was going on, the midwife’s gloved hands were on the baby’s head, and Hyejin was being instructed to pant. She screamed, really fucking loudly, and then the head was there. It was completely surreal, while they waited for the next contraction, the one that would deliver their baby into the world, the baby’s head was just there. Despite being told not to look, Jungkook couldn’t help himself, and when Hyejin pushed again, he watched as his baby was born.

The midwives in the room helped Hyejin sit back, quickly wiped and checked the baby and then handed it to her, wrapped haphazardly in towels. Extra blankets were quickly thrown over the pair of them to keep the baby warm, and then there was three of them.

He hadn’t known what to expect from this moment, hadn’t really thought about it. From the beginning, this whole pregnancy had been a nightmare and forced him into doing things he’d never imagined he would. But right then, at that moment, seeing the perfect and tiny figure in Hyejin’s arms blink, look briefly around and then screw its eyes up at the brightness, nothing felt more amazing. 

When Hyejin had the next contraction, Jungkook genuinely thought for one horrible second that she was about to have a second baby, he’d conveniently blanked out the fact that the placenta still needed to come away. While Hyejin and the midwives prepared to deal with that, the baby was taken to the other side of the room to be more thoroughly checked, weighed and have ID bracelets attached.

 

Hyejin was nervous, watchful, calling out, “is he ok?” as the paediatrician worked.

 

She turned to Hyejin, wide smile on her face, “she is perfect,” she assured Hyejin, “on the small side but as we’d expect for her dates, we’ll keep an extra special eye on her for the next 24 hours, but I can’t see anything to worry about.”

 

“Her?” Hyejin asked softly, “we have a girl?”

 

The paediatrician nodded, “one perfect little girl.”

 

While Hyejin delivered the placenta, the baby came to Jungkook, and he got to have his very first cuddle with his daughter. He thought about how close he’d come to not having this moment, her conception was an accident, they’d very nearly had her aborted. This tiny person has changed his life so irrevocably, but he doesn’t regret it. He cradles her close, dripping tears onto her blanket, feeling an overwhelming fierce love for her. She must have sensed something, she opened her eyes briefly, blinking at him solemnly.

 

“Hi,” he whispered to her, “I’m your dad,” there is so much more he wants to tell her, to promise her, but the words get stuck in his throat, held back by the most enormous sob that’s threatening to escape.

He doesn’t know how long he sits there, cradling her, drinking in her face, getting to know her. They sit until she starts wriggling, turning her face to him, mouth open, searching.

 

“Oh,” he breathed out, understanding, “I think she’s hungry?”

 

The midwife looked at the baby, “yep, spot on,” she praised Jungkook, “that’s the rooting reflex, let’s give her back to mum now for her first feed?”

 

Jungkook nodded, delicately passing the little bundle to the midwife to return to Hyejin.

And then it was awkward again because Jungkook knew that boobs were going to be coming out. The midwife had naturally assumed that Hyejin would be cool with him in the room, but he wasn’t comfortable, and he figured Hyejin wouldn’t be either.

 

“I’ll go and let everyone know?” he asked Hyejin, “that she’s here? That you’re both ok?”

 

Hyejin smiled at him, nodding, “thanks Kook,” she told him.

 

The first person he texts is Jimin.

 

 

 

And, as if learning how to parent isn’t hard enough, Hyejin wakes Jungkook early one morning when the baby is just weeks old, her expression apologetic but clearly frightened. In her arms is Eunae, grunting and gasping and clearly struggling to get her breath properly. Jungkook is out of bed before he’s even really awake, hovering anxiously over the baby, white-hot fear coursing through him.

 

“Fuck,” he moaned, “what the hell?”

 

Hyejin shook her head, “I don’t know,” she told him, “I went to wake her to feed, and she was like this, I think we need to go to the hospital.”

 

Jungkook nodded, “yeah, ok, hospital, ok,” he rambled, pulling jeans and a hoodie on, carefully taking the struggling baby from Hyejin’s arms so she could dress too. 

 

They break every rule in the parenting handbook on the way to the hospital, too scared to strap Eunae into her car seat, not wanting to sit her up, not wanting to risk restricting her little chest in any way. Hyejin holds her the whole way there and Jungkook drives more carefully that he has ever done. Thankfully, because it's late, or early depending on how you look at it, the streets are pretty well deserted, and they make it to the hospital quickly. They head straight for the emergency department, both scared and impressed with how quickly Eunae is seen. She looks beyond tiny, lead on the hospital bed while staff surround her, strapping a tiny oxygen mask to her face and working efficiently to help her. He and Hyejin are shuffled to the side of the room, still in sight of their daughter, but right now she is out of their hands, it is the most awful helpless feeling and Hyejin crumples. She clings to Jungkook, crying softly into his chest, as he just holds her, and watches as his daughter struggles.

It turns out to be a cold, a simple fucking cold, but her young and fragile body just cannot cope with fighting it off alone. She is readmitted to the hospital, still so young that she’s placed in the NICU, but here things are mostly calm. 

 

 

Ironically, it’s the day of Jimin’s exhibition when Eunae is released from the hospital, and Hyejin insists that Jungkook goes. It’s a harder decision that he would have thought. Initially, he’d believed that there was nothing on this earth that would keep him away from supporting Jimin, but Eunae being so poorly had changed that, his protectiveness towards her hitting him harder than ever. He didn’t tell Jimin he was coming, wanting to surprise him, but, as he got closer and the traffic got worse and worse, it became a real possibility that he would miss the exhibition anyway. When he eventually clears the traffic, an accident had caused the issues, he isn’t sure if the exhibition would even still be open.

It’s so late that the person manning the door doesn’t want to even let him in, most people have left, and it’s clear that the event is winding down. Jungkook could literally scream with frustration, begging probably a little too loudly to be let in, even asking that Jimin is brought to the door to let him in. he manages to persuade the security guard to let him in, searching wildly for Jimin and almost letting out a sob when he spots him. Jimin looks beautiful, surrounded by the drawings he has created, and Jungkook can see no one else. He grabs Jimin into his arms, hugging him tightly and choking out his apologies, searching Jimin’s face for any sign that he’s annoyed. But Jimin is relaxed and clearly glad to see him, hugging him back, pausing only to warn him of the cameras in the room lest he go too far.

 

The exhibition, what Jungkook’s sees of it, goes incredibly well, although he has to stifle his own gasp when Jimin outs himself despite the cameras and reporters still around. It’s a jarring moment, one that Jungkook both feels very proud of Jimin for and completely terrified that he will be exposed as the man who inspired Jimin’s beautiful but hauntingly heart-breaking picture. But, of course, nothing like that happens, he is there as Jimin’s friend and, as ever, they are cautious in public.

They go out to eat together afterwards, he thought it was just going to be them, but their friends are waiting too. They have a raucous reunion, briefly freed from the pressures of family life, which is so damn nice, Jimin is on a total high from his first major exhibition, telling Jungkook all the details that he’d missed out on. And he wants to know about Eunae too, checking in that she’s doing better, letting Jungkook talk about just how scary its really been to have her so unwell. He doesn’t want the night to end, so he suggests to Jimin that they walk back to his, even though it’s probably way too cold out to be doing that, being with Jimin makes him forget all of that. What happens next, haunts him for years, what happens next is, as far as Jungkook can understand, one of the major catalysts in Jimin’s downfall. It’s one of those moments that he wishes he could time travel back to, change one little thing, and save them years of torment. When they left the restaurant, everything was fine, its only as they walk and walk that he realises that he’s miscalculated his bladder capacity and how quickly alcohol goes through him, nothing is open, and they’re still a way off Jimin’s.  
He tries to hide it for a bit, feeling like a stupid fucking toddler, but Jimin figures it out and shoves him towards a particularly grim alleyway while he heads for a bus shelter on the other side of the road to wait. 

When he comes out of the alleyway, already on alert because he’s heard some drunken jeers, what he sees makes his heart falter in his chest. There are four guys, kicking at something on the ground, and Jimin is nowhere to be seen. He doesn’t even think, throws himself over the road screaming his head off. Miraculously his performance scares off the guys, they take off running, leaving a little unconscious figure slumped on the ground. It’s all Jungkook can do not to vomit when he gets his first look at Jimin, there is blood, so much blood. He falls to his knees next to Jimin, reaching out to touch him but being too scared, Jimin looks dead and for one heart-stopping panicky moment, Jungkook truly believes that he might be. But Jimin is breathing, shallowly, looking in pain even in his unconscious state, and so he hopes. His screams have drawn others, and someone rings an ambulance. Someone else wants to move Jimin, put him in the recovery position, but Jungkook won’t let anyone else near him, not until the professionals arrive. Thankfully, whoever rang for the ambulance has made sure that the situation sounds as serious as it is because the crew don’t take long to arrive. They scoop Jimin up carefully, cutting at his clothes, assessing him, treating him quickly and packing him safely in the ambulance. Jungkook travels with them, almost mute in his panic.

At the hospital he has to wait, wait while they run tests, wait while they whisk Jimin into surgery to pin his hand back together, wait for him to regain consciousness. He misses it the first twice Jimin briefly resurfaces, the first time because he was in the fucking bathroom, and the second time he was on the phone to Hyejin, apologising for being away, promising to be back soon.

He’s sat next to Jimin’s hospital bed, head resting on his arms on the sheets and crying when Jimin wakes for the third time and the first thing he wants is water. His voice sounds like he’s spent the last 24 hours screaming not sleeping, and then he wants to know how injured he is. It's not easy to look Jimin in the face and tell him, fractured skull and cheekbones, three broken ribs, five in his hand which is why it's currently held together with Meccano and the internal bleeding from where at least a couple of very heavy boot kicks were aimed at his stomach. But Jimin is awake, he’s lucid and that’s all Jungkook can focus on right now, the relief is something else. Jimin isn’t awake long, the morphine flooding his system again and dragging him down, and Jungkook lets him go, glad that Jimin can pass this awful period in a haze of drugs. So ironic considering what this ultimately led to.

 

 

He has to leave Jimin the next day, go home, go to work, but when he returns to Seoul and the hospital the following weekend, he can see a marked improvement in Jimin which is heartening. Well mostly anyway, Jimin is starting to get bored and, coupled with the pain, it makes him grouchy. Jimin is never grouchy, he does happy, he does sad, he does worried, he does thoughtful, he does sulky, he does a million other things, but this is the first time that Jungkook has seen him grouchy, and to be honest, it’s kind of draining. Jungkook hates himself for thinking that way, Jimin is stuck in the hospital, in pain, scared, bored and frustrated, he gets it, but the little bathroom breaks or snack runs he goes on are definitely necessary. Turns out if he’d waited with Jimin one more day he would have been able to drive him home, Jungkook is barely back in Busan when he gets the message that Jimin will be following him.

They settle into a sort of routine, Jungkook visiting Jimin at his parents’ house after work before heading home for the night and taking his turn with Eunae. He doesn’t get a lot of sleep, but he eats well thanks to Jimin’s mum and hanging out with him on the couch isn’t exactly taxing anyway. It doesn’t take many days for Jungkook to get bored though, proposing that Jimin come out with him the next day. From the affronted look he gets from Jimin, Jungkook might as well have suggested that they go skydiving or something, for all of Jimin’s protests that he’s an independent man, Jungkook reckons he’s secretly enjoying being waited on and coddled.

When they finally make it to the café the following morning, after Jimin has somehow talked him into handjobs in the shower, he’s feeling a bit guilty. The walk had clearly taken more out of Jimin than he was expecting, and he looked exhausted. Jungkook helped him lower himself into one of the comfier chairs in the café before heading off to say a quick hello to his mum and let her know that Jimin was here. It wasn’t until that moment that Jungkook knew, that his mum knew, that Jimin was gay. His attack and his injuries had been well publicised, even in Busan, considering he is one of their own. And everything had been reported, his exhibition, his pictures, his coming out and refusal to talk further, the attack and everything that had happened afterwards. Jungkook hadn’t thought about his mum right up until he pushed through to the kitchen and told her that Jimin had just walked in with him. He was proud of Jimin for making the effort, and he wanted to share that with someone else, but one look at his mum’s face and he knew that wasn’t going to happen.

The visit was a disaster, his mum couldn’t have been colder to Jimin, and worse she’d removed the picture that Jimin had drawn and replaced it with something else. Jimin has clearly noticed and the conversation or lack of it is painfully awkward. His mum doesn’t make any reference to Jimin’s exhibition despite being so amazed by his work just a short time ago, she doesn’t ask how he’s doing despite him still having visible injuries. Jimin is clearly extremely uncomfortable and Jungkook kind of wants to hurl himself into one of the ovens to escape this painful situation. They cut and run in the end, Jimin making his way back home even more painfully than he made his way out, and all Jungkook can feel is guilt and shame.

Jimin’s Christmas present to him that year is a hoodie. Form the outside its nothing special, black and really warm, but it has a tiny rainbow label on the hip, it means nothing to anyone else, but to him and Jimin it means everything and its sort of stupidly cute that they’ve both managed to buy each other rainbow motif gifts this year.

The day that Jimin gives it to him he’s come with Hyejin and Eunae too, knowing that Jimin’s mum wanted to meet his daughter. Neither woman is stupid, they both know that Jimin and Jungkook want some time, so they not so subtly chase the boys away on the pretence that they want to have a girly gossip. And despite Jimin being partially metallic and still kind of broken, they make love, slowly, so carefully. Jimin cries, just a bit, not from pain which Jungkook had feared but with relief, and despite the horrifying circumstances, Jungkook is glad that Jimin has been home this Christmas, and that they’ve got to spend some time together. Then Jimin heads back to Seoul, and Jungkook has to let him go, again.


	9. Twenty Two

Eunae’s first year is a total whirlwind of working, parenting and travelling to see Jimin, and nothing is as easy as it was before. Jimin has irrevocably changed, the healing process has been a long one, it’s still ongoing, and the pain has left its mark. They don’t talk about it, it’s too hard to acknowledge it, and Jimin is clearly coping by expressing himself in his drawings. They are so far removed from what Jungkook is used to that some of them even kind of scare him. They are, as ever, meticulously drawn, but they are now dark and a bit scary, and so clearly depict Jimin’s pain that they’re kind of hard to look at knowing the inspiration behind them. For a while, Jungkook is worried, and feels totally out of his depth, not knowing how to help Jimin other than keep loving him and keep coming to see him. It seems to work, as his second exhibition draws nearer, Jimin produces one of Jungkook’s favourite ever series’. There are just three, the phoenix drawings, of him small and vulnerable and broken, then of him burning, standing tall in the flames, looking straight off the page, strong and ready, and his favourite of the trilogy, one that still hangs in their house today, Jimin with large, brilliant rainbow wings, hovering above his burnt and blackened nest, no longer needed now he was reborn. It gives Jungkook hope that Jimin too is feeling ready to be reborn.

When he comes for Eunae’s first birthday party it seems as if Jungkook’s hopes were going to be realised. Jimin was on top form, mingling with the other guests, mostly pretty new parents like he and Hyejin. Eunae recognised Jimin from his many visits and reached for him right from Jungkook’s mother’s arms. Jungkook can’t help but grin when he sees the exchange, his mum loves Eunae, of that there is no doubt, but she is a distant grandmother, making sure to step back and let Hyejin and Jungkook take the lead with parenting and raising her. She hasn’t formed as much of a bond as Jimin has with Eunae and it shows. When it becomes clear that Eunae is settled and happy in his arms, Jimin mingles once again, he and Hyejin’s friends becoming more curious about him now the baby is in his arms, and Jungkook can only imagine what sort of interrogation he’s facing from them. 

Just after the cake is cut, his mum corners him again, looking as murderous as she can in polite company.

 

“what is he doing here Jungkook?” she started, voice quiet but with a tone telling Jungkook that she was extremely unhappy with him.

 

“who?” he answers back, equally quietly, not letting his mother have the satisfaction.

 

“Jimin of course,” she told him, “I would have thought after all of that business you would have seen him for who he was.”

 

Jungkook’s heart turned to ice, “and what’s that supposed to mean?” he questioned.

 

“Jungkook don’t be dense,” his mum hissed at him, “he’s, you know, one of those,” she told him.

 

“No, mum, stop it.” He hears Jungkook start, “he’s my friend.”

 

“But Jungkookie, you have so many other friends now, I just don’t think he’s the right sort of person to be around Eunae, you understand?” she tried.

 

“No, I don’t understand, there is nothing that would make him unsuitable to be around Eunae, he loves her, and she loves him.” Jungkook spat back obstinately.

 

“He does dirty things with men,” his mum grinds out angrily, “goodness knows what sort of diseases he’s carrying, I’m just concerned for my granddaughter that is all.”

 

“You don’t know what you’re talking about mum,” Jungkook tells her, “Jimin isn’t dirty, he isn’t diseased, he’s the same person who worked his ass off at the café, the same one who’s baking skills are better than mine, the same one who’s art skills you admired and were proud to hang on your wall, who he likes doesn’t change that mum,” Jungkook tried to explain.

 

His mum looked back at him, shocked at his outburst, used to Jungkook towing the party line when it came to her opinions. And for Jungkook it was another stab in the heart, another confirmation that his own mother would never accept him for who he really was, would never truly know him. They’ve reached an impasse, for now, neither willing to back down and considering the party is still going on around them, there is nothing more to say for now.

Jungkook doesn’t see Jimin for a while after that, even as the party thins out, even once everyone is gone and they are clearing up, not until he goes out into the frigid backyard does he finds Jimin crouched and half frozen on the ground.

It’s devastating to Jungkook when he finds out that the reason Jimin looks so small and so lost again is because of his mother, he doesn’t know how much Jimin heard, but it was clearly enough to hurt him badly. He wants to talk to Jimin, to comfort him, but fate, bloody fate intervenes once again. There are only three people that know right now that Hyejin is pregnant for the second time, and he’d been the third to find out. Hyejin had, of course, found out first, and she’d told her on again off again boyfriend first that he was going to be a father. Considering he’d stuck around when Hyejin had given birth to someone else’s child, it was kind of ironic that it was his own impregnating of her that finally scared him off, and a miserable Hyejin had had to confess to Jungkook. It wasn’t great news, money was already stretched, their time was already thin, but Hyejin had looked so worried about telling him that Jungkook hadn’t been able to be angry with her, after all, they’d made the same fucking mistake not two years earlier. So, there was going to be a second baby, and he was going to tell Jimin, once Hyejin had passed the twelve-week mark and they were telling people. He hadn’t imagined it to go like it had.

 

 

 

When Jimin walked away on Eunae’s birthday, leaving Jungkook with his arms full of a fussy baby and a vomiting wife thanks to the second baby she was gestating, he didn’t really have much time to consider just what exactly had gone on. Yeah, his mum had been a bitch, what was new? And he could most definitely have handled the news of the new baby better, it’s not like hed intended for it to be a secret, more that he and Hyejin were yet again trying to come to terms with their lives being turned upside down. But Jimin’s reaction was extreme, and, if he’s honest, kind of annoying.

In the days that followed, as he tried to get in touch with Jimin, tried to explain to him exactly what was going on, Jungkook found himself getting more and more irritated. Then, out of nowhere, Jimin blocked Taehyung’s number and then Jungkook got really pissed off at him for hurting Taehyung for no reason.  
It was swiftly followed by Namjoon and Seokjin getting blocked, after Jimin sent them all a very pompous and ridiculous text, telling them that he would carry on speaking to them, but only if they never mentioned Jungkook. Hoseok held out a bit longer, but even he couldn’t stand to see such a rift in their friendship group, and so he tried, begging Jimin to just hear Jungkook out. Jimin didn’t even respond, just blocked him. 

They met, the remaining six of them, one night in a quiet bar, the others having travelled back to Busan to try and help, to support Jungkook, to try and fathom out just what was going through Jimin’s head.

 

“Fuck him,” Jungkook had spat, his rage barely containable, “if he can’t trust me long enough to hear me out, then just fuck him.”

 

“You don’t mean that,” Yoongi replied softly, “he’s freaking out, he must be, this isn’t like Jimin and you know it.”

 

Jungkook huffed at him, “yeah, that’s what I thought too, and yet, where is he? Sitting in his fucking ivory tower surrounded by ass kissers.”

 

Somebody snorted but the sound quickly died out when Jungkook’s unamused face flashed over his friends.

 

“Easy Kook,” Taehyung soothed, putting a steadying hand on Jungkook’s shoulder, “we’re on your side.”

 

“I’ll talk to him,” Yoongi offered.

 

But Jungkook shook his head, if there was one line he wasn’t going to cross, one friendship he couldn’t break, its Yoongi and Jimin’s. 

 

“No, don’t, you know what’ll happen, and no matter how much of a fucking blind and infuriating dickhead he’s being right now,” Jungkook paused, sighing, “something fucking noble about him needing your friendship.”

 

Yoongi grinned back, “then you talk to him,” he suggested.

 

Jungkook shot him a look, “do you really think I haven’t tried? Short of turning up on his damn doorstep and pounding on the door until he lets me in, and I literally can’t do that right now with work and Eunae and Hyejin being so sick. We’re going to have another baby you know?”

 

“Well, Hyejin is,” Hoseok added.

 

Jungkook shook his head, sighing and pushing his hands through his hair distractedly, “no, the baby might not be mine, but it’s going to be mine you know?” he tried to explain, “we talked it through when she first found out, she was going to have an abortion, but I know she always wanted more than one kid, and I’m never going to give her another am I?”

 

He didn’t need to look around the table to know the kind of looks his friends were giving him, part admiration, part pity, but it was true. Back when he and Hyejin were fake engaged, when their parents thought they’d be a good match, when things were easier, they’d talked. They’d joked about what it would be like if they did get married, how they would do it, how many kids they’d have and what they’d look like, then they’d practically laughed themselves sick at the ridiculousness of the situation like it was ever going to happen. But Hyejin had always dreamed of three children, a boy first, to be the best big brother for his siblings, a girl second, smart and feisty but perfectly behaved of course, and then later on, maybe when the other two had gone to school and the house was quiet again for the majority of the day, a third, another boy, to be adored by everyone naturally. And then they had got married, and things were so very different from what their younger selves had joked about. Hyejin was a good person, but like Jungkook, far too young when they’d taken their vows, given up their aspirations and settled in to domestic life. They were not intimate, bar the odd bit of physical affection between comrades they were touch starved. Jungkook had Jimin, something which Hyejin not only didn’t begrudge him, but actively supported, so when her old uni boyfriend reappeared on the scene, Jungkook did the same for Hyejin. He didn’t know for sure that they were having sex, they hadn’t gotten that far in their relationship initially, but Jungkook assumed. 

 

 

And then seven or was it eight weeks ago now Hyejin had been so quiet when Jungkook had got home from work, greeting their soon to be one-year old daughter happily. He knew something was up and, although Hyejin hadn’t been keen to admit it in front of the baby, it had all spilt out over a meal that she couldn’t face eating.

 

“Kook, I’m so sorry,” she started, startling Jungkook.

 

He’d swallowed what was in his mouth, “what for?” he asked.

 

“I fucked up,” she told Jungkook softly, “I swear we were using protection, I’m not an idiot, except I clearly am.”

 

“Oh Jin, no,” he responded, understanding instantly.

 

She nodded, “I won’t keep it,” she told Jungkook, voice straining around the lump in her throat, eyes flickering to their grinning daughter, totally unaware of the crisis taking place.

 

“Give me a sec,” Jungkook told her, scraping his chair back, leaving his barely touched meal on the table and walking woodenly to the door, body going through the motions of getting ready to go outside without any input from him.

 

He walked the neighbourhood for an hour or so, mind reeling. Would Hyejin want a divorce? Did she want to marry this other guy? What would happen to his relationship with him and Eunae? And it was this that solidified his resolve, he didn’t want to lose his daughter. By the time he turned back into his street, he’d made up his mind, he’d tell Hyejin to keep the baby, and they would raise it together, the baby would be Eunae’s sibling, and they would be the only ones who would ever know.

Hyejin had cried when he finally made it home and told her what he’d thought, relief and gratitude had flooded through her and Jungkook had been glad he’d been able to give her this. Even though it was going to strain them that little bit further, he had faith that they could do it. 

He had faith in Hyejin, but Jimin didn’t have faith in him, and that really fucking hurt.

In the end, he’d persuaded Yoongi to stay out of it, and Jimin finally blocked him too, without even having the curtesy to hear him out. Years of love and pain wiped out because of a misunderstanding. Jungkook stayed angry at Jimin for a very long time.


	10. Twenty Four

Jimin had been gone nearly two years when Jungkook’s promise to himself to swear off all men for life is put to the ultimate test. He knew Kai already, he was local, had a son about Eunae’s age, occasionally came to different things, but they’d barely interacted. So, Kai’s sudden increase in friendliness was unexpected. Jungkook still kept in shape, but Kai was in a different league, the guy looked like he did nothing but work out. They bumped into one another one Saturday morning when Jungkook had decided to go for a run, it had been a few weeks, Eunkyung had been unwell, and she’d passed her bug around the family, so Jungkook wasn’t at his best. Kai had come up behind him, making him jump, and had gone to overtake him but slowed to Jungkook’s speed when he realised he recognised him.

 

“Hey man,” he said, grinning at Jungkook, “didn’t know you ran here.”

 

Jungkook nodded, not really wanting to betray just how much he was gasping for air right now considering that Kai might as well have been sat drinking coffee for all the effort he looked like he was expending.

 

“Cool,” Kai told him, despite his lack of real response, “where are you heading?”

 

“Oh,” Jungkook bluffed, “just on my cooldown now, one more lap and I’m done.”

 

“Damn, I’m only on warmup,” Kai told him easily, “I’ll do the lap with you though and then head off?”

 

Jungkook had nodded again, and they’d fallen into a thankfully not too punishing pace. Kai had smiled easily as Jungkook finished his lap and went to wave him off, waving back and suggesting they run together sometime.

 

It had been a throwaway suggestion, one that Jungkook had agreed to, never thinking that anything would come of it. But before the week was out, Kai had texted him, suggesting a time and place for their next run together.

 

It had been torturous, Kai was clearly in better shape and no matter how much Jungkook had pushed himself, willed himself to hang in there, he’d had to admit defeat when a cramp seized his right calf, nearly making him fall to the ground. He’d stopped, wincing and trying to stretch it out before Kai had taken over. It had started out innocently enough, or so Jungkook thought, with Kai massaging deep into his muscle, trying to release the cramp, and he’d done a good job. But it had taken him a beat too long to let Jungkook’s leg go, and by the end, his firm massaging had turned to gentle stroking, and from his crouching position at Jungkook’s feet, he gave him an intense look.

 

 

Taehyung had just about pissed himself laughing when Jungkook told him, whining and confused later on that night.

 

“Ooh I think you have a secret admirer there Kook,” he’d joked.

 

“He’s married, idiot,” Jungkook had told him, glaring at Taehyung’s obvious glee.

 

“So are you,” Taehyung pointed out, “doesn’t mean the guy doesn’t like dick.”

 

“Yeah well, whatever,” Jungkook had retorted lamely.

 

“Ooh burn,” Taehyung teases back, “what does he look like?”

 

“Built,” Jungkook told him shortly, “like he could easily lift stuff and throw it a long fucking way.”

 

Taehyung laughed again, “not your type then?” He asked.

 

Jungkook looked at Taehyung curiously, “meaning?” He asked.

 

“You like to be the one doing the throwing right?” He questioned cheekily.

 

Jungkook sighed, “can hardly fucking remember,” he muttered.

 

“Dude, if he fancies you, why not?” Taehyung asked him, “have a fling, have a fuck, go for it.”

 

“Tae, no, his wife knows mine, our kids are friends, it would be weird,” Jungkook protested.

 

“Your virginity is going to grow back at this rate,” Taehyung told him.

 

Jungkook rolled his eyes, “Yeah, that’s not a thing,” he told him.

 

“Seriously Kook,” Taehyung told him, his tone softening, “he’s not coming back.”

 

Jungkook glared at Taehyung, like he needed reminding, “fuck off Tae, I know that,” he growled, not wanting yet another reminder of Jimin.

 

“You can’t keep pining forever,” Taehyung told him, “or you’ll be 40 and have to marry me!”

 

“I’m not pining, and who the fuck said I’d marry you anyway?” He shot back.

 

 

 

Kai persisted, despite Jungkook’s obvious reticence and his attempts to avoid contact until Jungkook was starting to dread his text message tone and what would likely be another ‘casual’ message from Kai and yet another suggestion to get together. He ran with him, once a week, pretty much to keep Kai off his back, and he did his level best to keep his physical distance. But Kai was persistent, forever patting Jungkook’s shoulder or slapping his back, or running his hand down Jungkook’s bicep, and in the end, he had to call Kai out.

 

“Look man, I can’t run with you anymore, ok?” he started one innocuous Sunday just after they’d finished.

 

Kai looked back, a picture of confused innocence, “why not?”

 

Jungkook looked at him, down at Kai’s hand which was yet again wandering on his arm, “I think you know why.”

 

Kai smiled predatorily, “you sure about that?” he asked.

 

Jungkook brushed his hand off irritatedly, “yeah, I’m sure,” he bit back.

 

Kai just carried on grinning, “yeah?” he checked, “because it’d be a shame if certain things got back to a certain person, right?”

 

Jungkook’s heart froze, “just what the fuck is that supposed to mean?” he growled lowly, aware that they were in a public place and anyone could hear them.

 

“Just, you know, finding out that your husband likes men can upset women,” Kai told Jungkook casually.

 

“You’re threatening to call Hyejin?” Jungkook asked incredulously, “and tell her what? We’ve been running together? She already knows that.”

 

Kai chuckled, “no silly,” he flirted, “the fact that part of you wants to grab me and fuck me hard.”

 

Jungkook scoffed, “in your dreams.”

 

Kai’s expression hardened, “careful Jungkook, these kinds of rumours ruin lives you know, be a good boy and come back to my car with me and no one else ever has   
to know, ok?”

 

“And do what?” Jungkook shot back.

 

Kai shrugged, “suck me off,” he told Jungkook.

 

He actually laughed in Kai’s face, “seriously?” he asked, “come back to your car and suck you off, or you’ll tell my wife that we’ve done nothing? What sort of choice is that?”

 

“I’m serious,” Kai growled at him.

 

Jungkook shrugged, “go ahead,” he told Kai, “in fact, come home with me now, tell Hyejin everything that hasn’t happened.”

 

Kai grabbed his phone, “I have her number,” he told Jungkook, looking somewhat desperate now.

 

Jungkook nodded, “go ahead,” he told Kai.

 

“You don’t think I will,” Kai told him, already scrolling through his phone, tapping at the screen. He obviously put it on speaker phone, Jungkook could hear the ringing and then Hyejin answering.

 

“Hello?” her voice came out, sounding somewhat tinny from the phone speakers.

 

“I’m having an affair with your husband,” Kai growled without introducing himself.

 

For a second, Hyejin didn’t respond, then Jungkook could hear her shushing the girls, and sending them off elsewhere.

 

“I’m sorry, who is this?” he asked politely.

 

“That doesn’t matter,” Kai told her, “I just thought you should know that your husband is having an affair, with a man.”

 

“Of course he is,” Hyejin responded, sarcasm dripping from her every word.

 

“I can prove it, he’s with me now,” Kai told Hyejin, thrusting the phone at Jungkook, “speak to her.”

 

“Hey Jin,” Jungkook said amiably into the phone.

 

“Where are you?” she replied back conversationally.

 

“Just finished running,” he told her, chatting like they would normally, “should be home in half an hour or so.”

 

“Cool,” she told him, “we need milk, can you grab some on your way back.”

 

“Sure, anything else?” he checked, trying not to giggle at Kai’s increasingly frustrated face.

 

“Don’t think so,” Hyejin told him, “I’ll check and text you?”

 

“Sure thing babes,” Jungkook replied, hamming it up.

 

“See you soon sweetkins,” Hyejin replied, catching on quick and playing along.

 

“Were you not listening to me,” Kai thundered down the phone, “he is having an affair, with me.”

 

“Bullshit,” Hyejin responded, and Jungkook is momentarily glad she sent the girls off at the start of the conversation, “you’re not his type.”

 

“You don’t even know who I am,” Kai blustered back.

 

“Jesus Christ,” Hyejin muttered under her breath, “you must think I’m some sort of moron Kai.”

 

“Wait, I… I’m not Kai.”

 

“Sure you’re not, it’s just a coincidence that Kook has just finished running with Kai and that you’re calling from Kai’s phone, right?”

 

Kai could do nothing but splutter.

 

“Now listen up fuckwit,” Hyejin told him, “I know my husband, I know he isn’t fucking you, and I know he never would, you aren’t his type. Does that mean I am not   
aware that he likes men? Of course not, but not you, never you, so stop pestering him, it’s getting kind of sad.”

 

Then all that comes from the phone is the sound of pure silence as Hyejin has hung up on Kai. He looks kind of sick, and now its Jungkook’s turn to smile smugly and shrug his shoulders.

 

“That’s my wife,” he tells Kai proudly.

 

“She knows you like men?” Kai all but whispers.

 

Jungkook looked at him harshly, “I never said that, she never said that, and you can’t prove anything.”

 

But Kai doesn’t look like he’s out for blackmail anymore, he looks sad, and kind of lost, and if he hadn’t been such a monumental asshole earlier, Jungkook might feel sorry for him.

 

“She knows?” he asked softly, “she doesn’t mind?”

 

“That’s really none of your business,” Jungkook told him, suspecting that Kai had no such understanding in his own marriage, suspecting that his whole asshole act has been born from some desperate need to be accepted and understood.

 

“I’m going now,” Jungkook told him, “I don’t want to run with you anymore, don’t call me again.”

 

Kai looked at him sadly, but he nodded, and as Jungkook walked away he felt Kai watching him every step of the way.

 

He bought Hyejin flowers along with the milk to say thank you, knowing just how lucky he was.


	11. Twenty Seven

He watches Jimin from afar for the next few years, between working and raising his girls with Hyejin, keeping up with what he is doing. At first, the mentions that he catches are painful, taking his breath away and making his stomach lurch, at first the mentions are infrequent. But as the year's pass, Jimin rises higher and higher in the art world, exhibiting around the world, and, of course, their local newspaper reports his every move, proud of their local boy done good.

And Jimin changes, grows up, becomes more slender, elegant and sharper jawed. He carries himself with confidence, easily mingling with the rich and famous and it seems almost unreal to Jungkook that the man out there, conquering the world, was once his.

 

 

When Namjoon excitedly rings him three weeks before he and Seokjin’s wedding, the last thing Jungkook expected him to say was that Jimin had rung him and accepted his own invite to the wedding. Namjoon is bubbling over, tripping over his words in his haste to tell Jungkook the story, and Jungkook is mostly silent. Honestly, he never expected to hear from Jimin again, never in a million years expected him to agree to come to the wedding. He responds to Namjoon on autopilot, probably not able to inflect his words properly, he barely hears what Namjoon is saying. In three weeks, he is actually going to see Jimin again, be able to speak with him again and its totally overwhelming.

 

Hyejin rescues him, shortly after he’s hung up the phone and sitting slack-jawed and stunned on the couch.

 

“Kook?” she questions, “you ok, everyone ok?”

 

Jungkook looks at her for a long second, trying to formulate some sensible thoughts from his swirling brain, he nods, croaking out,

 

“yeah, all good.”

 

He clearly is less than convincing.

 

“You look like you’ve seen a ghost,” Hyejin tells him, and Jungkook snorts out a mirthless giggle, how right she is.

 

“Jimin is coming to Joon and Jin’s wedding,” he tells her.

 

She looks every bit as surprised as he feels, “Jimin?” she questions, “as in, Jimin?”

 

He nods again, “yep,” he confirms, “Park Jimin, Busan’s artist son, coming home, attending the same wedding as we will be.”

 

“Oh,” Hyejin tells him before huffing out quietly, “fuck.”

 

Jungkook looks at her, “yep.”

 

“Are you ok?” Hyejin checks again, knowing better than most people how Jimin’s second disappearance had fucked him up.

 

“I…” he starts, not able to even finish the sentence, not sure how he feels anyway, shrugging helplessly, “I never thought he’d come back,” he all but whispers.

 

And Hyejin knows him well enough now, words aren’t going to help, pushing him to think more about it won't help, so she just reaches for him, cuddling him, holding him until they’re interrupted by two wriggling little girls, demanding their own part of the cuddle. With his girls in his arms, Jungkook relaxes again, whatever Jimin’s return will bring, it cannot replace what he’s built with Hyejin and his daughters, they are the perfect family. Their beginning may have been unconventional, there may be secrets, but it doesn’t hold back their love for each other. 

 

 

Taehyung turns up after work, obviously, he’s heard from Namjoon too and he eyes Jungkook carefully, warily, before turning his biggest smile onto Hyejin,

 

“please Mrs Jeon, can Jungkook come out to play?”

 

Hyejin rolls her eyes at Taehyung,

 

“no later than 11 pm home,” she tells him mock-sternly, “Kookie has school tomorrow.”

 

The three of them eye each other, giggling, and Taehyung pulls Jungkook out of the house.

 

“Drink or seven?” Taehyung offers.

 

Jungkook considers it for a moment but shakes his head, “don’t think I should start,” he tells Taehyung, “I probably won’t stop, and I really do have to go to work tomorrow.”

 

Taehyung nods, “so, park?” he suggests.

 

Jungkook grimaces, “aren’t we a bit old.”

 

Taehyung gasps dramatically, taking Jungkook’s hand in his, “never too old for swings Kook what are you talking about?”

 

They walk to the park, Taehyung not letting go of Jungkook’s hand, occasionally rubbing his thumb along Jungkook’s as if to reassure him.

 

“So, you want to talk about Jimin or not?” Taehyung asks him when they’re nearing the deserted playground.

 

Jungkook shrugs, “maybe?” he questions, running his fingers through his hair distractedly, “I mean, I never expected him to come back you know?”

 

Taehyung sighed, “yeah, I know, I don’t think any of us did really.”

 

“I mean,” Jungkook started, “why now? Why Joon and Jin’s wedding?”

 

Taehyung looked at Jungkook as he sat heavily on the swing and tried to push himself off despite his legs being way too long, “fucked if I know,” he replied.

 

“Do you think he’s ok?” Jungkook asked softly.

 

Taehyung looked at Jungkook sharply, “I’m more worried about you,” he told him.

 

Jungkook smiled back, “thanks babe,” he told teaching cheekily, before adding, “just, what if he’s coming back because something is wrong?”

 

Taehyung rolled his eyes, “the guy left us behind, he’s rich and famous and has like a million people fawning over him, I’m sure he’s just fine. As to why he’s coming   
back, who the fuck knows? Maybe it’s some sort of publicity stunt.”

 

Jungkook sucks in a breath, “harsh Tae,” he admonishes, “Jimin isn’t like that.”

 

“Jimin wasn’t like that,” Taehyung told him darkly, “but that was a long time ago.”

 

They fall silent for a bit, swinging side by side, the only noises from the traffic in the distance and the scrape of their shoes on the sand underneath their feet.

 

“Sorry Kook,” Taehyung starts after the silence has dragged on a bit too long, “it’s just, he hurt you, nearly fucking broke you, I nearly lost you because of him.”

 

“Tae, you know that isn’t true,” Jungkook told him softly, “I was the one who fucked up, I hurt him, it was my fault.”

 

It was half true at least, Jungkook had been the one to fuck up initially, but Jimin had hurt him, and he knew why Taehyung was concerned. They chatted for a bit   
longer before Taehyung looks at his watch and startles dramatically.

 

“Fuck, it's nearly 11.30,” he choked out before pouting, “Hyejin’s going to be so mad at me.”

 

Jungkook just laughed, “you know she isn’t actually my mum, right? I’m a big boy now, I can make my own rules,” he chuckled back.

 

“Of course, I know that,” Taehyung scoffed back, “but let’s get you home now anyway right?”

 

Jungkook nodded, “yeah fine,” he told Taehyung.

 

Taehyung walked him home, unnecessarily, but it was nice, pausing outside Jungkook’s front door to give him a hug. They hugged all the time, physical affection   
from their younger days not abating, but this hug was different, tighter and longer.

 

“Promise me you’ll be ok,” Taehyung all but whispered into Jungkook’s hair.

 

They never talk about it, never mention the time when Taehyung was the one to find Jungkook, alone, desperate and teetering on the brink of doing something irretrievable, but the incident has clearly tattooed itself on Taehyung’s psyche and, despite his banter and teasing, Taehyung is worried. Jungkook hugs him back tighter, stroking soothingly down Taehyung’s back,

 

“I’ll be fine,” he tells Taehyung, his tone equally soft, “my heads probably going to get scrambled, maybe even my heart, who knows, but I’ll be ok.

 

Taehyung releases Jungkook, holding Jungkook’s face gently in his hands, “my window is always open,” he told Jungkook, pulling him in for one more quick hug.

 

 

 

When Namjoon had called him, excitement ringing in his voice, to let Jungkook know that Jimin had been in contact, phoned him, and agreed to come to the wedding, Jungkook was nothing but floored. It’s been years since anyone but Yoongi has heard from him, years since Jimin walked out of his life without a backwards glance. Jungkook is severely conflicted, on the one hand, he has moved on, built a life for himself, Hyejin and the girls, worked his ass off to be able to buy their modest house. On the other hand, Jimin has always been in the background, it’s not like he disappeared completely, Yoongi talks about him, sparingly and carefully, but he does. And then there is the fact that Jimin has become a bona fide celebrity artist, when he has an exhibition, people take note, Jimin pops up now and then in magazines and on the news, and it gives Jungkook a jolt every time. He would be lying to himself if he said he didn’t still care.

When Jimin walked away, refused to listen, refused to trust him, it hurt way beyond anything that Jungkook had expected, no matter what had happened in the past, they’d been able to sort it out. Jimin had forgiven him so much, but when it came down to trying to explain about Eunkyung, Jimin has just blanked him. It was infuriating, he could have understood if Jimin had walked away over Eunae, but not Eunkyung. He has moved on, but he’s curious.

 

 

The girls are flower girls for Namjoon and have talked of little else for weeks, Namjoon indulging them a little too much, he and Seokjin spiriting them away, finding them the perfect dresses and accessories, and refusing to let either Jungkook or Hyejin have any say in the matter. Not that they really minded, Seokjin and Namjoon were the most enthusiastic and carefully babysitters and, although they rarely voiced it, Jungkook knew that they both longed for children of their own. So Jungkook and Hyejin indulge them when they want to spend time with the girls, knowing that they are in safe hands. 

On the morning of the wedding, they arrive early, mostly behind the scenes helping to get the girls ready and trying to keep them from spontaneously combusting from excitement, reminding them of their duties, and dressing them in the gorgeous outfits that have been chosen for them. Jungkook sits next to the aisle, leaving a space next to him for Hyejin to slip into once she’s sent the girls down the aisle, with Taehyung in the next chair. Taehyung knows him too well, so when he spots Jungkook looking around, supposedly casually, he leans over.

 

“He’s here,” he told Jungkook softly, “gone to see Joon and Jin.”

 

Jungkook gulped and nodded, not even able to form words. It doesn’t stop him looking around still though, feeling more like a damn teenager than he has in years, nervous and excited.

When he finally locks eyes with Jimin, after five long years, it gives him an actual physical jolt. He knew from interviews and tv appearances that Jimin is more slender these days, but they did nothing to portray the reality, Jimin is tiny. His waist, always toned and slender anyway now looks impossibly small in his fitted suit, his jawline is now sharper than Taehyung’s, his slightly chubby cheeks gone. They stare at each other, wordless, until Yoongi pulls Jimin next to him, and sits him right in front of Jungkook. He is so close that Jungkook can smell him, even with all of the changes, Jimin has clearly not changed in some areas, still preferring the same cologne, and it is so familiar that Jungkook wants to pull Jimin into his lap, hug him and bury his face into the warm familiarity of Jimin’s neck.  
He doesn’t, just leans forward, before he loses his nerve and asks,

 

“Jimin, can we talk later?”

 

Jimin turns around, looking directly into his eyes again and just nods. He is beautiful, almost ethereal now but there is a deep sadness to his eyes that Jungkook doesn’t remember and wants desperately to erase.

The ceremony is lovely, the girls do great, even if Eunkyung does stop to talk to him on the way, it gets murmurs of adoration from the people sitting closest so Jungkook knows its ok. He watches Jimin afterwards, realising that this probably isn’t the best place for a massive heart to heart. He watches as Jimin downs drink after drink, surprised because he was never that big of a drinker before, the realisation hits him that this isn’t unusual for Jimin, despite what he’s knocking back he doesn’t look to be getting particularly inebriated. And then he happens to notice when Jimin fumbles in his pocket, pressing tablets out of a blister pack and knocking them back. Maybe he has a headache, it’s unlikely he’d even feel it with the amount of alcohol he’s been knocking back, but Jungkook can’t think of anything else logical, surely if he was on prescribed medication, he wouldn’t be drinking with it anyway. It’s only a couple of hours later, as he’s seeing Hyejin and the girls off, her having drawn the short straw tonight, that he sees Jimin taking more tablets, and then he realises, Jimin may be more fucked up than he’d realised.  
He doesn’t want to talk to him like this, drunk and off his head on god knows what, so he throws himself into celebrating instead, dancing with Taehyung and Hoseok, drinking enough to have fun but not so much that he’ll regret it in the morning. The girls have never cared if he’s been ill or hungover before, and he knows damn well that tomorrow will be no different.

Late on in the night, Jimin is the one to approach him, but not to talk,

 

“Jungkook?” he starts, sounding more sober than he has any right to be, “I’m heading off now.”

 

Jungkook just looks at him for a second, his brain trying to process what he wants to do now. He wants to talk to Jimin, have some time with him, if nothing else to clear the air once and for all, and maybe to say goodbye properly. 

 

“Ok,” he tells Jimin softly, “when are you heading home?”

 

“Not for a couple of days,” Jimin tells him, “going to spend a bit of time with my parents.”

 

Jungkook nods, ducking his head down before looking at Jimin again, “do you think we could talk before you go?” he asks Jimin, wondering what he’s thinking.

 

Jimin nods back, “ok,” he tells Jungkook.

“Do you want to come to my house? Tomorrow?” Jungkook suggests, “Hyejin will be taking the girls to visit her parents so we can have a bit of time.”

 

“Yeah,” Jimin tells him, “you still at the same address?”

Jungkook shook his head, “needed a bigger place when, well, you know,” he trails off awkwardly.

 

“Of course,” Jimin agrees quickly, “umm, text me the address in the morning or something? And we’ll sort out when,” he makes a move, like he’s going to walk away, but Jungkook has to stop him.

 

“Umm I, sort of…umm, don’t have your number anymore,” he stumbles out awkwardly.

 

Jimin pauses, flushing slightly, “oh yeah,” he reaches for his phone, “what’s your number?” he asks Jungkook, inputting it as Jungkook told him. He sent a quick text to Jungkook, so he’d have Jimin’s number too before smiling at him, and practically running away.

 

 

 

He texts Jimin early the next morning, expecting him to be sleeping off a hangover for at least half of the day, so he’s surprised to get an almost immediate reply. They agree on meeting at Jungkook’s house at 11 am and he immediately goes into panic mode, tidying away the toys and paperwork that seem to multiply in this hose no matter what they do. 

He sees Jimin arrive, and he wasn’t watching out of the window, waiting like a little puppy honestly. The car is something else, it looks ridiculously expensive and ostentatious, not like Jimin at all, not like the Jimin he knew anyway. He can’t help but stare over Jimin shoulder when he opens the door, wanting to look, not wanting to be rude. For the first time in five goddamn years he sees Jimin’s natural wide smile, Jungkook knows his blatant drooling is being mocked, but its Jimin, it won’t be malicious, and then he hands Jungkook the keys to his car, so right now he would forgive him anything.

The car is impossibly even more gorgeous inside, it smells new, and looks like its barely been driven. Underneath the scents of leather cleaner and window polish, Jungkook can smell something else, Jimin, its honestly so perfect Jungkook wants to move in.

Jimin is early enough that he gets to meet Hyejin again and the girls as they’re heading out. Eunae is adorably confused, thinking that Jungkook may have actually made Jimin up as she has no memories of him. It hurts Jungkook to hear her say that. For the first year of her life, Jimin was almost like a second father to her, she had loved him every bit as much as he loved her, always keen to go to him for cuddles whenever he visited, the knowledge that they’ve missed out on five years of that bond is sad. They make up for it straight away though, Jimin immediately and happily chatting to her, reaffirming their bond. Eunkyung isn’t sure at all, but that is typical of her, where Eunae is confident and outgoing, Eunkyung is more reserved, an observer. Jungkook is completely convinced that, should he choose to stick around, Jimin could easily be as close to Eunkyung given time.

They chat for a few minutes, until Hyejin is ready to go and she sends the girls off to collect their shoes. Jungkook can’t work out what she’s thinking, hasn’t really had a chance to have a proper heart to heart with her about what she thinks about Jimin coming back into their lives. He doesn’t ned to ask her to know that she’s not going to be thrilled, she was the one, along with Taehyung, who had to pick up the pieces last time. when Jungkook and Jimin were together, Hyejin was their greatest cheerleader, doing everything she could to help them get together, to be together. After Jimin walked away, taking a good portion of Jungkook’s heart with him, she’s been more reserved in her opinions about Jimin. Jungkook knows she doesn’t trust him, hell, Jungkook isn’t sure he trusts Jimin either. One thing he does know is that the love he felt then, the love he thought he’d locked away for good, is rattling at its chains, pushing to be let out again. He watches as Hyejin opens her mouth to speak to Jimin, wondering just what she’s going to say to him in the minute or so they have until the girls are back. It’s not what he expected, all she tells Jimin is,

 

“listen to him, he never lied.”

 

Just like that she paves the way for them to start talking, just like that she gives Jungkook a little nod of approval to do whatever it is that he needs to do. He wants to hug her, to thank her, but the girls are back, and they have no time. He says goodbye to the girls and Hyejin, and, when the front door closes behind them, turns to Jimin.


	12. Twenty Eight

Watching Jimin go through his first rehab had been an experience that Jungkook never wanted to experience again. Watching him fight against his body, against his demons had been heart-breaking and, more often than not, Jungkook had only been able to drive a short distance from the recovery centre after a visit before he had to pull over and cry his feelings out before he felt safe enough to drive back home. By the end of the rehab, he even had a regular crying spot, a quiet corner of a carpark, close enough to the centre so he was confident he’d make it, far enough away from other people that he could let go without someone knocking on his window to make sure he was ok.

So, three weeks after Jimin is released, when he gets a happy and giggly phone call from Jimin he is initially really pleased, Jimin has survived and he’s doing well. Only it quickly becomes clear, from Jimin’s slightly hyper and at the same times slightly slurred speech that he isn’t sober, three fucking weeks after leaving rehab. For the first time in a very long time, Jungkook lies to Jimin to get him off the phone, telling him that there is someone at the door and he will ring him back. He hangs up with his heart racing, jabbing at his phone screen to find Yoongi’s contact.

 

“He’s fucking drunk, or high, or something,” he spits out when Yoongi answers, pacing the floor in his lounge, never more glad that Hyejin is out with the girls.

 

“Wait, what? Who?” Yoongi asks, confusion evident in his voice.

 

“Jimin,” Jungkook bites out in frustration.

 

“No way,” Yoongi tells him.

 

“Yoongi,” Jungkook growls, trying to keep his temper in check, “he just rang me, fucking giggling all over the place, he’s fucking wasted.”

 

“Bullshit,” Yoongi tells him, but he sounds much less sure, and more worried now.

 

“You ring him then,” Jungkook spits before hanging up on Yoongi.

 

He doesn’t even really remember the next few minutes, only that he gets very hot and things go kind of red and then his hand really fucking hurts and there is a brand new and very ugly looking hole on the plasterboard in the lounge. His breath is still heaving in his chest, and he’s trying to make sense of everything when his phone bleeps twice quickly in succession from the floor where he must have dropped it. Texts from Yoongi and from Jimin.

 

From: Yoongi

“You were right, I’ll be with him shortly and I’ll get him straight back to rehab. Hes a stupid fucker and he knows it.”

 

And the much more conciliatory.

 

From: Jimin

“I’m sorry.”

 

Then the anger dissipates, replaced by a much more painful feeling of hopelessness, maybe Jimin can’t fight this, maybe all really is lost. As he goes out to his garage, for everything he’s going to need to fix the damn wall before the girls get home, Jungkook’s chest feels heavy and empty.

He doesn’t visit Jimin at all through his second and third rehabs.


	13. Thirty One

When he got the news, through a painfully choked call from Yoongi, that Jimin’s mum has suddenly died just a couple of days into his latest rehab, Jungkook’s heart went out to Jimin. He was jaded after Jimin’s repeated failures, he wanted to be there for him but watching him struggle and fail time and time again was just so damn painful. He was there when Jimin reached out and he wrote to him, but that wasn’t as often as it had been in the past. They both knew why, but they didn’t acknowledge it openly. Jungkook had no idea how things were going to work, knowing that Jimin really should have been locked away, cut off from the outside world, but what if something so big happened in the outside world that it would have been far crueller to keep him away. Jungkook didn’t know, he hoped that they’d let Jimin be there, but it isn’t until a very fragile Jimin bursts into the bathroom at the actual funeral and drops to his knees to throw up that he knows for sure that Jimin is really here.

Despite seeing Jimin like this on too many occasions, Jungkook is still shocked at just how tiny and vulnerable Jimin looks when he finally manages to get to his feet and wash his hands and face, and despite knowing he should really protect himself and his own feelings, he gathers Jimin carefully into his arms, soothing him as best he can, trying to keep the choked tone out of his own voice as he consoles Jimin, his own heart hurting at the sudden loss of Mrs Park. 

He watches from two rows back as Jimin and Yoongi flank Mr Park, giving him strength, taking strength from him. As people speak, gentle tears slide quietly down his face, feeling the immense love that so many people had for Jimin’s mum, and knowing she was worth every last bit of it. Jimin doesn’t speak, and honestly, Jungkook would have been stunned if he had, he looks like he’s barely clinging on to reality. But Mr Park does speak, standing firm in front of so many people, his voice soft but determined. This is the man who helped to hold him together when he was so broken over his own impending marriage, watching him speak of his immense and undying love for his wife is Jungkook’s undoing, his throat constricts painfully and he has to duck his head down to try and stifle his sobs, not wanting to make this moment about him, but not being able to hold it in any longer. Jimin’s mum wasn’t his, she wasn’t even really Yoongi’s, but she’d loved her sons’ friends as if she’d given birth to them, she had been such a calm and solid presence to him, to them all. And her total and unwavering acceptance of Jungkook’s role in Jimin’s life had made him feel normal, despite the totally fucked up nature of their relationship, for her he would be there for Jimin, in whatever form that took.

He goes home with Jimin after the wake, Jimin looks so far beyond exhausted that when he murmurs to Jungkook that he needs a hug, Jungkook doesn’t hesitate. He is horrified when Jimin’s doctor has to question his motives, but he gets it. When Jimin curls up next to him he strokes his hair without even thinking about it, wanting desperately to give him some sort of comfort in this horror show of a day. It doesn’t take long for Jimin to drift off to sleep but for him it takes a lot longer. He watches Jimin, as his face contorts in his sleep, eyebrows furrowing and muscles clenching and relaxing. He looks like even in his dreams his demons are haunting him, and he wonders if Jimin will ever truly be free again. Jungkook wishes he could rewind the clock, to change all of the little tiny decisions that led them to this point. Maybe it wouldn’t erase the big stuff, but maybe it wouldn’t be such a fucking struggle.

When Jimin goes back to rehab the following day, Jungkook sees something in his eyes that he hasn’t seen in a very long time, steely determination, and it gives him a little spark of hope that Jimin really will make it this time.


	14. Thirty Three

The funeral for Yoongi’s parents had been a huge affair, not really surprising considering the standing that they’d had in the town, coupled with the sensationalist way in which they had died. Jungkook had attended with Hyejin and his parents, all dressed soberly. Having Jimin so close and not being able to be with him openly was uncomfortable, and they’d shared plenty of looks across the room. They had all still been together when they found Yoongi, looking like he had the weight of the world on his shoulders. Jungkook had hugged him gently, stroking one hand down his back soothingly, feeling glad when Yoongi relaxed a bit in his arms. He’d looked them all in the face when Jungkook let him go,

 

“thank you all for coming today,” he’d told them stoically.

 

“Of course, dear,” Jungkook’s mum told Yoongi, gesturing around, “it’s a wonderful turn out, a testament to them and you of course.”

 

Yoongi had nodded politely, but the stressed look was back on his face, only deepened when Jungkook’s mother carried on,

 

“are you alone today dear? No special lady?”

 

Jungkook had groaned out loud, “mum,” he hissed, “seriously?”

 

Yoongi had swallowed hard before blinking slowly, “I am currently seeing someone and very much in love, but this is not the place to make our relationship public,” 

 

Jungkook’s mum had been smiling and nodding until Yoongi finished with, “he’s shy.”

 

Her face had frozen at the blatant use of ‘he’, and Jungkook froze too, his mother had never made any secret of her feelings towards same sex relationships, something of which Yoongi was well aware, but clearly, he gave no shits right now, and Jungkook kind of admired him for it. He was the first to move, smiling at Yoongi,

 

“shame Jongdae didn’t come,” he told Yoongi gently, “I would have liked to have seen him again.”

 

Because Jungkook already knew about Jongdae, had met him already on multiple occasions, and he knew how much Yoongi loved him. Jongdae loved him too, but   
neither of them was ready to go public, until now clearly.

 

Jungkook’s mum shot him a glare when he’d revealed he knew about Yoongi’s boyfriend but quickly moderated her face and spoke politely to Yoongi until he excused himself to go and speak with other people.

 

When he left Mrs Jeon rounded on Jungkook,

 

“he’s one of those?” she hissed at him, voice low but murderous.

 

Jungkook was suddenly in no mood for her bullshit, especially here,

 

“one of what mother?” he’d bitten back.

 

“Gay,” she ground out.

 

“Why don’t you ask him that?” Jungkook questioned harshly.

 

His mum had looked scandalised, “I couldn’t ask him that,” she gasped, “its…” she shuddered, “dirty.”

 

Jungkook just looked at her, incredulous, shocked she still harboured such venomous feelings, although he shouldn’t have been, he was too surprised to speak for a second, but his mum wasn’t.

 

“His poor parents,” she mumbled.

 

Then Jungkook was hit by a flash of anger,

 

“poor parents?” he’d questioned, “don’t you remember what they were like?”

 

Jungkook’s mum had flushed slightly at that, “they were a bit overbearing,” she said quietly, “but if they knew about his predilections then maybe they were justified,” she concluded.

 

Jungkook has never stuck up for himself when his parents have made derogatory comments, but questioning his friends was something that was just crossing the line as far as he was concerned. His mother’s treatment of Jimin at Eunae’s first birthday party was bad enough, but this was so far beyond what was ok that Jungkook was shaking with anger.

 

“Justified?” he’d questioned, voice straining as he shouted in his quietest whisper, “do you honestly think there is anything that justifies what they did to him? They starved him, you fed him often enough to know that, they beat him, broke his bones, kicked him out and cut him off, you really think any of that was justified? They were fucking monsters. So fucking what if he likes dick, doesn’t make him a bad person.” 

 

“Jungkook, language,” his mother admonished him.

 

“You want me to watch my language? I won’t, they were monsters and bastards and cowards. His dad beat his mother to death and then killed himself because he was too cowardly to face the consequences, I hope they both fucking rot in hell, good fucking riddance.”

 

He’d stalked away at that point, leaving his mother open mouthed in shock. He hadn’t meant to reveal the exact details of how they’d died, Yoongi hadn’t wanted the entire town to know and gossip, he’d have to find him and apologise at some point.

 

 

 

In the weeks since Yoongi’s parent’s funeral and the argument he’d had with his mother, Jungkook had noticed a shift in her behaviour towards him. It made him uncomfortable, like his outburst had inadvertently revealed too much about himself. He studiously ignored the subject, pretended they hadn’t argued until his mum cornered him one Sunday afternoon when they were gathered for lunch. He was washing up, his usual job, minding his own business when his mum came into the kitchen.

 

“How is Yoongi?” she started.

 

Jungkook looked back at her suspiciously, “as well as he can be, I guess, with two dead parents and a town full of people gossiping.”

 

“I didn’t tell anyone,” his mum defended quickly.

 

Jungkook was actually surprised, a prime piece of gossip like that, two in fact, and his mum hasn’t whispered into a few ears?

 

“No?” he questioned.

 

Mrs Jeon shook her head, “he is still your friend,” she told Jungkook.

 

He groaned softly, “he’s always been my friend mum, no matter what.”

 

“Have you known for a long time?” she asked him.

 

“He told me that before he told me everything that was going on with his parents,” Jungkook told her honestly, “his sexuality has always been one of his least worries.”

 

“He’s making life so hard for himself,” Mrs Jeon told Jungkook.

 

He looked at her incredulously, “do you honestly think he chose to feel the way he does? It’s not something you can control.”

 

His mum’s eyebrows shot up her head, and he can practically hear her thinking, joining the dots, Jimin, Yoongi.

 

“Jungkookie,” she started softly, looking at him closely, “you know that you can talk to me?”

 

All Jungkook can do for a second is blink, he wants to scoff, point out that she’s always been so damn homophobic that she’s the last person he can talk to, but he doesn’t want to hurt her feelings.

 

“Yeah,” he agrees, not believing it for one second.

 

She knows he’s lying, and then they’re at a stalemate. He doesn’t want to call her out on her blatant and really fucking hurtful homophobia, and she clearly doesn’t want to call him out in his lying. The conversation has nowhere else to go, so Jungkook changes the subject, asking her about the latest new cake she’s introduced to the café and how it’s going, and then they’re back on familiar territory, unable to say what actually needs saying.


	15. Thirty Five

Incredibly Jungkook doesn’t learn his uncle's name until the day he dies, and then it’s only because his mum is full on wailing it. He gets a phone call from his dad half way through the afternoon, which is unusual in itself, but the unearthly noises he can hear in the background make it eerier still. His dad just tells him to come as soon as he can, and so Jungkook drops everything and heads around to his parents, fearing the worst.

His mum is sat on the sofa in their pristinely neat lounge, clutching a couple of photographs and wailing still. He looks to his dad to explain.

 

“Your uncle died,” is all he gets.

 

Jungkook should be more surprised really, technically he has never been told of this uncle’s existence, but he’s known since childhood, and over the years has understood a little bit more about why they’ve never met, so he just nods, sits next to his mum and hugs her.

It takes her a while to calm down, takes her a while to notice that Jungkook is even there, but when she does, the damn breaks, and she tells him everything.

She talks of her baby brother, spoilt, petted and adored by his two older sisters, their parents and the wider family. He had been especially beautiful, large expressive eyes, a silky mop of hair and a cheeky, confident disposition. She tells of a child who attracted friends like a magnet, of a boy who could charm birds from trees, and it was clear that she had loved her brother so very much. She alludes to a scandal, he and his supposed best friend caught in bed together, very much naked, very much defiant. She talks of a family who limped on until his first week at uni when he was reprimanded after being caught on his knees for another boy, and she talks of how her parents cut him off. As the eldest, the dutiful daughter, on the cusp of being married, she towed the family line, cutting off her brother who did such vile and depraved things with other men. She hasn’t been in touch with him since, he didn’t come to her wedding, didn’t come when Jungkook was born, didn’t celebrate the opening of her café. And in turn, she’s missed out on his life too, and now it’s too late, her sister calling with the news this morning that he had died suddenly of a heart attack while doing the grocery shopping, passers by trying to help, trying to revive him, but to no avail. She speaks until her words are almost gone, Jungkook just listening, until she turns to him, her eyes pleading.

 

“Is there something you need to tell me?” she asks him softly, scaring the hell out of Jungkook, making him feel like she can see deep into the core of him and see his love for Jimin.

 

He swallows hard, shaking his head slowly, not sure if he’s trying to convince her or himself.

 

“No?” she asks, “it’s just, sometimes, you remind me of him so much.”

 

She pats him on the cheek, still looking deeply into his eyes, searching for something. He wants to crack, wants to tell her, wants her to finally understand who he really is. But now is not the time for big revelations, for opening his own heart when hers has just been crushed, so he gives her a wobbly smile.

 

“I’m married, aren’t I?” he tells her, like this will make everything obvious, and make her drop the line of conversation. Even to his own ears, he sounds unconvincing.

 

She smiles softly back, nodding, agreeing. But something in her expression makes Jungkook think that she knows, that she can read his innermost thoughts, and for once, she doesn’t look disgusted or repulsed. But maybe that’s just wishful thinking, she has just lost her brother after all, so, yet again, he squashes the feelings back down where they live, and focusses on making his mum feel better.


	16. Thirty Seven

When he was thirty-seven gay marriage was finally legalised and Jungkook decided he could hide his true self no longer. As soon as the official announcement was made Jungkook went and found Hyejin.

 

“It went through,” he told her quietly.

 

Hyejin nodded and smiled at him, and Jungkook had a feeling she knew what was coming next.

 

“Will you divorce me?” he asked, “or let me divorce you? I don’t even know how this works,” he gave her a sheepish smile.

 

Her own smile grew, and she nodded, “you finally going to marry Jimin?” she asked.

 

“If he’ll have me,” Jungkook told her.

 

Hyejin had laughed, “sweetie, he’s waited for you for more than twenty years, I don’t think that’s going to be the hard bit.”

 

Jungkook swallowed, “yeah I know, I’m going to have to tell the girls, and my parents.”

 

“We’ll tell the girls together, but I don’t think they’re going to be very surprised,” Hyejin told him, “your parents might be though, when are you going to talk to them?” she asked.

 

“Right now,” Jungkook told her, standing up, looking determined.

 

Hyejin’s eyes widened, but she nodded, “want me to come?” she offered.

 

Jungkook smiled at her, so grateful, “no, but thank you, I think I need to do this by myself.”

 

As he stood to leave, Hyejin stood too, hugging him, “it’s going to be hard for them to hear, but you have nothing to be ashamed of,” she told him softly.

 

 

His parents lived close enough for him to walk, he’s never considered the speed he walks before now, or his walking technique, but for some reason it just feels weird today, his legs feel too bouncy, it feels like he’s walking to fast, but when he slows down that feels wrong too. He almost giggles at the absurdity, he’s so nervous he’s literally forgotten how to walk normally.

His mum is surprised to see him but invites him in anyway, and he swallows hard before asking her to get his dad because there is something he needs to tell them.  
His parents look as nervous as he feels, so he decides to just go for it, how bad can it be?

 

“I asked Hyejin to divorce me this morning,” he says bluntly.

 

His mum gasps, “why? you two are perfect together.”

 

Jungkook smiles gently, “she is one of my very best friends, and that won’t change.”

 

His mum looks confused, “she’s not your friend, she’s your wife Jungkookie.”

 

He shakes his head softly, “we’ve only ever been friends,” he starts, “apart from one drunken mistake.”

 

His mum blanches, “one drunken mistake, one?”

 

Jungkook gulps because as far as his parents know he has two children.

 

“Eunkyung is not my biological child,” he tells them quietly, “but she is my daughter, always has been and always will be.”

 

“You don’t love Hyejin?” his mum asks, still trying to work out what was going on.

 

Jungkook shakes his head, “not as anything more than a friend no.”

 

“But she loves you,” his mum told Jungkook in a pleading tone, “you’re going to break her heart.”

 

“I’m not, I’ve always been honest with her mum,” Jungkook explains, “she’s always known.”

 

“But why get divorced now then?” his mum questions.

 

“Because there is someone I want to marry more, and from this morning I can.”

 

Both of his parents blanch at that, they never miss the morning news.

 

“What?” his mum all but whispers.

 

“Mum, dad,” Jungkook starts, “I am bisexual, I am attracted to both men and women, always have been, but for the last 20 something years, I have been in love with one man. I love him more than I can put into words, and he loves me, we have kept our relationship in the shadows all this time and it has cost both of us more than I can tell you, more than I can ever explain. But now we don’t have to hide, now we can be together, I can be proud of him, I can be myself. And I know this is going to come as a shock, I understand it’s going to take you time to get used to this, but when my divorce is finalised, I intend to ask him to marry me.”

 

“What?” his mum chokes out, her face white, “what are you saying?”

 

“I think you heard,” Jungkook told her quietly and calmly, I have only been in love once in my life, and I still am, and it’s not with Hyejin.”

 

“Who?” his mum asks, her voice still low.

 

Jungkook smiles softly, “I think you know that too.”

 

Mrs Jeon blinks very very slowly, almost like she doesn’t want to open her eyes again and face this reality, “Jimin,” she breathes out.

 

Jungkook nods, “Jimin,” he confirms.

 

“No,” his mum moans out.

 

“Mum, I have loved him since I was eighteen years old,” Jungkook tells her, his voice steady now, still quiet, but firm, “and I want to bring him home soon, as my partner.”

 

He expected fireworks, to be shouted at, have accusations thrown at him, but his mum looks mostly stunned. Perhaps she can hear the pure sincerity in his voice or read it in his face, maybe it’s the echoes of the loss of her brother, whatever it is has dowsed the flames of her usual fiery response, and Jungkook is encouraged.

 

“Do you want to ask me anything?” he asked quietly.

 

His mum just shakes her head, followed by his dad, they look slightly in shock.

 

“Look, I know this is a lot,” Jungkook tells them, “but please try to understand, I have had to live a lie for so long now, and I just can’t keep doing it. I love Jimin, and I want to be properly with him, openly, like Namjoon and Seokjin,” he finishes.

 

His mum looks up at him sharply, she knew of course that the two had recently adopted children together, and had been surprisingly quiet in her opinion.

 

“They have been friends for a long time,” she ventured.

 

“They have been together, as boyfriends, since we were all thirteen mum,” Jungkook tells her softly.

 

“Oh,” she tells him quietly, “and Yoongi?”

 

“Still happily with his boyfriend,” Jungkook confirmed.

 

“Taehyung is married to a woman, and Hoseok,” she added, almost a bit desperately.

 

Jungkook nodded, “yeah, and that is their choice, they are happy, I just want to be happy too.”

 

Mrs Jeon looks at him sharply, “you aren’t happy?” She asks him, “haven’t been? All these years?” she sounds exhausted and upset.

 

“I haven’t been unhappy mum,” he reassured her, “I have lived with one of my very best friends and raised children with her, but there has always been something missing, and I want that before I am too old to enjoy it.”

 

And his mum just replies “ok.”

 

“Ok?” Jungkook questions carefully, “you’ll support me? Meet with Jimin again? Accept him as my boyfriend and then my husband?”

 

Mrs Jeon sighed, “soon, not yet, but soon.”

 

Jungkook senses he’s pushed far enough for today, his parents are going to need some time to get used to the bombshell he’s just dropped on them, so he just breathes out, “thank you,” and gets ready to leave.

Both his parents hug him before he does go though, and it feels like a very poignant moment, he knows that it probably won’t be the last time he has to speak with them about deep things, but they haven’t rejected him or refused to listen to him, and it feels huge.

 

He walks home in a daze, into his lounge, sits on the sofa and bursts into tears of relief. Hyejin is there, gathering him into her arms and soothing him until he calms down.

“You ok?” she checks when his tears have receded.

He nods, “I think my parents have just accepted that I’m in love with a man,” he tells her, smile watery but genuine, “holy fucking shit.”


	17. Thirty Eight

It isn’t like Jungkook has never picked out an engagement ring before, he has, with his mum, back when he needed one for Hyejin, back when they needed to make things look real. That was easy, he asked Hyejin what sort of thing she liked the look of, made her show him pictures and everything so he couldn’t fuck it up, and then picked the closest thing that looked similar that he could afford, he even knew her ring size, easy.

This time is next to impossible. Firstly, it needs to be something that doesn’t look out of place on Jimin’s hand, so big protruding stones are a no, they would get in his way when he was drawing and annoy him endlessly. But did he want inlaid stones? And if so what? Diamonds are the obvious choice, and they look great against Jimin’s skin, but Jungkook knows how much Jimin likes colours, obviously, so when he enters the jewellery shop, he’s floundering.  
He feels like he’s casing the joint, he feels out of place and like he’s sweating far too much, his eyes are darting around, trying to find the right section, trying not to panic. His flustered loitering is finally noticed by an assistant, who approaches him smiling.

 

“Good afternoon sir, can I help you today?” she is petite and friendly looking and Jungkook nods.

 

“Excellent,” she continues, “what is it that you’re looking for today?”

 

“Engagement ring,” Jungkook squeaks out, instantly dismayed by how stupidly high pitched his voice is.

 

The assistant just smiles wider, “how exciting,” she tells him, looking like she really means it, “do you have any ideas on what styles the lucky lady may like?”

 

Jungkook swallowed hard, ok so gay marriage may now be legal, but it was still unusual, so the assumption didn’t surprise him, but this was going to be the test as to whether this shopping trip went well or was a total disaster.

 

“Man,” he choked out, waiting to see the reaction.

 

The assistant barely blinked, “oh I’m sorry,” she started, “I shouldn’t have assumed. We actually have a new range, designed with gentlemen in mind, shall I show you?”

 

Jungkook began to breathe slightly more easily, and he nodded and followed as the assistant led him to the case.

 

He could instantly see the difference from the traditional rings, the bands were slightly wider, the stones more subtly placed, but there was a decent range and Jungkook was actually impressed. He leant in closer to see, accidentally breathing too hard on the glass and fogging it up, he stood back up blushing. To her credit, the assistant tried not to giggle, but Jungkook caught her eye, and they both chuckled at the same time, and Jungkook began to properly relax.

 

“Sorry,” he smiled.

 

“No problem,” she grinned back, “maybe tell me a little bit more about your fiancé to be, what he likes, what sort of jewellery he already wears, see if I can find you the perfect thing.

 

So Jungkook talked, he explained who Jimin was as a person, and that his hands were literally the tools of his trades, how he needed something suitable for both drawing and baking, and the assistant nodded the whole time. As she ducked into the cabinet to pick out the first selection that she thought may work she smiled softly to Jungkook,

 

“It’s clear you love him very much,” she told him.

 

Jungkook just nodded as he ducked down to get a proper look at the three she’d picked out. She was, Jungkook decided, some sort of jewellery wizard, the centre of the three possibilities was the ring that Jungkook just couldn’t bring to mind until now, it was the perfect ring to adorn Jimin’s hand. He reached out without thinking, stopping just before he touched it to check he was allowed. When the assistant nodded, he plucked it softly from the tray, holding it up, spinning it around, even sliding it onto his own finger, although it was too big for him. After all of the stress and worry, hed found Jimin’s engagement ring.

 

He nodded happily to the assistant, still with the ring on his own finger, admiring it on his own hand, “this one,” he told her.

 

“Well that was easy,” she giggled back, “are you sure you don’t want to look at anything else?”

 

Jungkook shook his head, “I’m sure,” he told her, “this is going to look so perfect on him.” He smiled softly, almost to himself, imagining Jimin wearing this for the rest of his life.

 

The assistant smiled too, “then it’s decided,” she told Jungkook, swiftly replacing the other rings, “do you know what size you need?”

 

Jungkook reluctantly handed back the ring and rifled around in his backpack, “you’re going to think I’m strange,” he informed the assistant before brandishing a paintbrush at her.

 

It was one of Jimin’s, one he used for backgrounds, used to cover large areas quickly, so it was fairly thick at the top, tapering from pretty narrow at the bottom. About halfway along, Jungkook had made a pencil mark, having slipped one of Jimin’s favourite rings on it earlier this morning while Jimin was showering. To her credit, the assistant didn’t giggle as Jungkook explained his method, and she brought out a huge set of graduated rings to work out the correct size from the paintbrush. It took her two goes to get it right, and Jungkook was seriously impressed.

From there the process was easy, to the tills, Jimin’s new ring ordered in the correct size and then all he had to do was come in and pick it up two weeks later, and then propose.

 

 

The proposal was the hardest thing, because he wanted it to be perfect for Jimin, and he considered all of the cliché things, over a meal, ring dropped casually in a glass of champagne, valentine’s day, Jimin’s birthday, New Year’s Day, but nothing felt right, and Jungkook was beginning to despair.

In the end, it was an innocuous envelope that provided him with the answer, the final paperwork confirming that he and Hyejin were divorced, completely separated legally and financially, although she would always be his girl's mother, and one of his very best friends. He messaged her first, Jimin having already left for work at the café, to check that she was ok. She was as relieved as him, leaving them finally free to move on with their lives.

He waited, what felt like endlessly for the day to end, for Jimin to come home, for the perfect moment to propose. But Jimin was late, and Jungkook was too damn impatient to wait any longer, so he headed to the café, ring in his pocket, ready.

He called out as he entered the café, not surprised that Jimin didn’t answer, he could hear the faint sounds of the radio from the kitchen, and Jimin absentmindedly singing along, accidentally scaring the shit out of Jimin as he burst into the kitchen, brandishing the all-important paperwork.

The cake in front of him was stunning, as all of Jimin’s cakes were, and, as Jimin delicately fed him a sugar flower, Jungkook’s heart clenched yet again for this beautiful and talented man in front of him. He looked tired but happy and looked all the more beautiful from the liberal dusting of icing sugar and a small stripe of pale blue food colouring that managed to highlight his cheekbone perfectly.

Jimin looked every bit as happy as Jungkook felt when he heard the news, leaping into his arms and hugging him tightly.  
What he most definitely is not expecting is what happens next, Jimin reaching into his pocket as he sinks to one knee in front of Jungkook, cracking open the box, holding it up.  
Then Jimin starts to speak and it is all Jungkook can do to hold on to his emotions, because, holy fuck, Jimin is proposing to him.

 

“Jeon Jungkook,” he starts, his eyes trained on Jungkook and looking at him intensely, hopefully. “This has been a very long time coming. I have loved you since the first day I saw you, late, running towards me and still eating your breakfast. This hasn’t been the easiest ride, and I know I have severely tested you on too many occasions. But you have stood by me, held my hand and been my greatest cheerleader, there aren’t enough words to tell you how much I love you, how much I've always loved you and, if you'll do me the very great honour of being my husband, I promise that I will love you every day of the rest of my life.”

 

And Jungkook knows what he should say, he should say yes, but what slips out instead is, “Bastard, you beat me to it.”

 

He pulled Jimin up, reaching into his own pocket, pulling out the box containing Jimin’s ring and opening it to show him.

 

Looking at them side by side, it’s amazing how similar they are, not identical, but they look like they belong together, and Jungkook’s heart squeezes again.

 

He plucks Jimin’s ring out of the box and hands it to him, and Jimin does the same, both admiring their new jewellery, before Jimin checks,  
“can I put it on?”

 

Jungkook giggles, “technically you haven’t said yes yet,” he pointed out.

 

Jimin rolls his eyes, “well considering I asked first, and you haven’t said yes…” he replied.

 

Jungkook blinked, because Jimin isn’t lying, he didn’t actually say yes, “true, but I'm hoping it’s kind of obvious that it’s a yes from me?”

 

Jimin nodded, “and from me,” he added, slipping his new ring on. Jungkook slid his on too, and for a minute they were just quiet, hugging each other, enjoying the moment.

 

They took photos. Of course, grinning at how hard it was to get both of their hands in the shot, with the rings looking their best.

 

When Jimin had packed up for the night, they walked out together, calling in at a small local restaurant, one of their favourites, nothing fancy, but great food and somewhere that they both felt comfortable. It wasn’t the proposal that Jungkook imagined, it wasn’t perfect because he’d actually managed to call Jimin a bastard instead of saying yes, but they were engaged, happy, and ready to finally move on with their own story.


	18. Eighty Three

When Jungkook wakes up in the predawn light of the bedroom that he and Jimin have shared now for decades it’s because his bladder is demanding attention, again. As he shuffles slowly to the bathroom, muscles stiff and slow to wake up he smiles gently to himself, his prostate giving him way more trouble than pleasure these days. Returning to the bedroom he’s suddenly aware that something is off, something isn’t quite right and, when he turns on his bedside light, bathing the room in a very gentle glow he knows instantly what’s changed. On his side of the bed, lying peacefully is Jimin, but, even before he reaches for him, Jungkook knows Jimin has gone, stopped breathing sometime in the night, slipped quietly away from him. Jungkook walks around their bed, to Jimin’s side, and places a hand gently on his husband’s arm, the usually soft and warm flesh has grown cold and stiff and Jungkook knows that Jimin is beyond help now.

He leaves Jimin where he is, safe in their bed and goes out to the lounge, to make three phone calls. The first is to the non-emergency helpline, to let them know they need to send someone, the woman on the end of the phone is slightly panicky to start with, leaving Jungkook to almost console her, to tell her there is no point in him attempting resuscitation, that Jimin is truly gone. Then he rings Namjoon, knowing that it’s early, knowing that his friend will probably be awake anyway, the curse of old age striking them all. Namjoon is stoic as ever, promising Jungkook that he will let their other friends know and that he’ll be round later to just be with Jungkook. At the moment he’d rather just be alone with Jimin but who knows how he’ll feel once Jimin is taken away. The third phone call is the hardest, to Eunae, she has always adored Jimin, right from being a baby she naturally gravitated towards him, reaching towards him for cuddles whenever she could. Predictably she cries, she sobs and wails down the phone, apologising to Jungkook as she does. He comforts her as best he can, strangely uplifted knowing how much Jimin was loved, had been loved, by his children. Because it hadn’t been an easy decision to introduce Jimin as his partner, to explain to his children that he and Hyejin were living together as roommates more than as a married couple, and that he and Jimin had been in love since they were barely out of childhood themselves. His girls had been wonderful though, obviously seeing the love between their dad and Jimin, and they’d accepted him, loved him, and treated him as their second dad.

Once the calls are done, Jungkook sits for a minute before deciding he’d rather be with Jimin, to share the last moments of alone time that they will ever get, to tell him one last time that he loves him, and always will. 

He walks back to their bedroom, which will always be theirs, never just his, and sits in the comfy chair they’ve placed in the little alcove by the main window, pulling the curtains open to let the sunrise in. And he sits, watching Jimin’s beautiful face, serene in death, as the dawn dances across his skin. It feels kind of ironic that he would be saying goodbye to Jimin at this time of the day, because he saw him for the very first time at dawn, 65 years and however many months ago, and he can still recall every detail. He sits quietly, letting the memories flow through his mind as he waits.

He’s startled out of his reminiscences by a knock on the door, he rises from the chair, glancing over at Jimin, unable to help himself from speaking to him as if he’s still here,

“I think that’s for you Min, I’ll be back,” he tells Jimin softly.

 

He opens the door, and greets the two men, leading them through to the bedroom, one turns to him,

 

“we just need to do a couple of things,” he tells Jungkook gently, “you may like to wait in the lounge?”

 

Jungkook shook his head, “I won’t get in your way, I’ll just sit.” His voice cracks, but its determined.

 

The man nods sombrely, “ok sir,” he agrees, nodding wordlessly to the other man.

 

They approach the bed where Jimin is, gently checking his pulse. Jungkook watches them as they establish that Jimin is, in fact, dead, noting that they murmur quietly to Jimin, telling him what they’re going to do to him as much as they murmur to each other, it’s incredibly comforting, to see him being treated so respectfully, and Jungkook is grateful to them.

 

One goes back outside, and the first man squats down in front of Jungkook, speaking to him calmly,

 

“the next bit might seem a bit rough,” he explains, “we need to move Mr Park to the ambulance, I know you’d rather stay, but for this bit we ask you not to, it can be too upsetting. I’ll give you a couple of minutes now to say goodbye?”

 

Jungkook’s stomach lurches unpleasantly despite the man’s kind words, he has to say goodbye now, to let them take Jimin away, he nods, swallowing hard, and the man clasps him gently by the shoulder before leaving the room, giving him privacy.

 

There is a huge lump in Jungkook’s throat when the man leaves, how can he put into words what he wants to say to Jimin? How can he explain to him how much the last 65 years have meant to him, even when they’ve been separated, even when they’ve been angry at each other, how can he tell Jimin how much he truly loves him, has always loved him and will always love him?

 

He stands up, looking down on the face of the man who has been his world for so long, how can he just let him go like this? How can Jimin just leave him? He takes a big shuddering breath in, not wanting to break down now, not wanting his last moments with Jimin to be in tears, he wants desperately to be able to smile with Jimin one last time, to finish this how it started. There is only one thing he needs to say right now, leaning down, kissing Jimin’s cold lips one last time he whispers, “thank you.”

 

There is so much he wants to thank Jimin for, for loving him, for trusting him, for never giving up, for accepting his children, for supporting him after Hyejin and his parents died, for being his greatest cheerleader and his most trusted confidant, for standing by his side and for just being himself. Jungkook walks out of the room, letting the men back in, and then letting them walk back out of the bedroom, and the house, taking Jimin with them.

And then he’s alone in the house, the silence incredibly loud around him, he sits in the lounge, on the edge of the sofa, hands clasped together, wondering how exactly he’s supposed to just go on. How is he supposed to go on living with this massive hole punched right through the centre of his chest? The tears that he’s suppressed so far break out of him, in great heaving sobs. He moans out between them, keening painfully, sobbing until his throat hurts and he can hardly breathe, how is anything this painful actually survivable?

He lets himself cry until Namjoon and Seokjin arrive, both of them looking shaky in their own grief, both of them with red-rimmed eyes. They exchange few words, these men have been his friends since they were all fourteen years old and, after all these years, words are often superfluous. As Seokjin makes tea in the kitchen, and Namjoon just holds his hands he remembers.

 

 

His thoughts stray to Yoongi, their darling Yoongi, gone to his own rest just 18 months ago, Jungkook’s heart squeezed almost painfully when he thought about Jimin and Yoongi being reunited now, it makes it slightly more bearable, knowing that Yoongi will have been waiting for Jimin, brothers not by birth but by circumstances. Since their first and second year respectively at uni, the two had been close, where Jungkook had been Jimin’s one true love, Yoongi had been his best friend. It had been an unlikely start, Jimin from a privileged and well-respected background, loved and supported by his parents in whatever he did, even his sexuality which back then had been much more taboo, Jungkook’s own parents holding on to their homophobic views for many years, until Jungkook had been able to hide it no longer. Yoongi’s parents barely seemed to notice they had a child, apart from when they were beating him. Starved and neglected he’d been lucky to survive his childhood, never mind rise above to become the successful man he had become. Jungkook thinks back to Yoongi’s funeral, it had been huge, people spilling out of the church and filling the grounds, so many people whose lives he’d touched wanting to pay their last respects. His foundation, that he’d set up with his parents’ inheritance, had started off small, feeding a handful of children in a local school who would otherwise have gone without. The foundation had grown huge over the intervening years, Yoongi had reached out further and further, contacting more schools, feeding more children. Then one of the first children he’d helped to feed was ready to leave home, to go to uni, but had no way of affording it, so Yoongi had expanded the foundation, using it to help underprivileged kids go to university, to get an education, and then later on, it expanded again, providing grants for people wanting to start their own businesses. Wherever Yoongi saw people wanting to improve themselves he stepped in. His foundation was now massive, funded primarily by people he has helped, his generosity inspiring them to pay it forward. His legacy has been enormous and far reaching and Jungkook had been incredibly proud to be his friend. His death had broken them both but had hit Jimin particularly hard. At their age, losing friends was inevitable, but watching Jimin hurt so badly had been awful. They’d both hurt together, crying together, remembering Yoongi, vowing to make sure his legacy continued, and in a sudden flash, Jungkook just knows that Jimin’s will probably contains a bequest to the foundation, to make sure his friend isn’t forgotten, if one boy can rise above his upbringing, and help so many other people, he deserves to be remembered.


	19. Epilogue - The day after

Waking up alone in the bed the morning after Jimin died was awful. For a minute, he forgot, he forgot that Jimin would never be there again, he forgot that he had died, and for a second he wondered where Jimin was, strained to listen for him pottering around, making breakfast, maybe in the bathroom, before the total and utter silence reminded him and the grief hit him again like a truck. Jimin was gone.

It took him too long to get out of bed, and it was only his stupid bodily functions that made him get up. He felt every second of his 83 years this morning, bones creaking, heart aching.

After taking care of the necessities he walked slowly down the hall, stopping at every picture along the way today, the story of their lives in both photos and drawings. These pictures have been such a part of the house that Jungkook doesn’t really notice them anymore, but today is different.

There are so many, Jimin’s drawing of their engagement rings, looking at it makes Jungkook smile, remembering their haphazard proposal. There are several of their wedding day, a drawing of their wedding party, drawn from a photo, it had taken Jimin weeks to complete, wanting to make sure every tiny detail of everyone present was perfect, and he had done an amazing job. There was a photo too, of their first kiss as a married couple, they’re both kind of smiling into the kiss, and Jungkook remembers Taehyung’s voice rising above them all, hooting and hollering for them and it makes him smile now too despite the lump forming in his throat. Then there is their honeymoon, both of them looking tanned and relaxed in Australia and wide eyed and beaming in NZ.

In this hallway there are so many other important moments, immortalised. Jungkook can see his girls growing up from teenagers to young women, to their own wedding days and the children that followed, and how the cycle is repeating itself, he’s due to watch Eunae fulfil her mother of the groom duties not even four months from now, and then maybe there will be great grandchildren too.

There are pictures of he and Jimin’s wedding anniversaries, from understated celebrations to big parties, and, of course, their second honeymoon back to the same places, seeing how things had changed, and how they’d stayed the same.

 

There are other pictures too, one of Jungkook’s favourites started off as a practise for Jimin but had become something else entirely. Over the years he’s done a couple of progressive series ones, but the one that Jungkook is looking at now is the series Jimin has drawn of his hands. The first time Jimin had asked Jungkook to model for a hand drawing he’d just giggled and complied, it was a bit of an odd request from Jimin but the sort of thing he was well used to. Every 5 years or so, Jimin had asked him again, and so Jungkook now has a whole series of just his hands, aging slowly, spread out in front of him. On the face of it, it was a simple concept, but the pictures demonstrated a powerful message and one that Jungkook truly loved. He made his way down the hall, towards the bedroom that has had many lives since he first set foot into this house more than 60 years ago. First, it had been the guest bedroom, where Namjoon and Jin had slept after their drunken nights out. Then it had been Yoongi’s bedroom, initially temporarily he’d returned to the Park’s many times over the years, always welcomed home with open arms by Jimin’s parents. After his father’s death, and the house had become Jimin’s, the bedroom had been used for Jungkook’s girls when they stayed over. Then it had become Jimin’s home studio, the other bedroom being repurposed for grandchildren to sleepover. This room had become sacrosanct, people were only allowed in by invitation, and it had been carefully locked when the grandchildren had been small and destructive. Jungkook knows what’s on the easel right now, but he hasn’t been allowed to see it yet, and he already knows it’s going to be painful, he looks anyway. Jimin has been working on this latest hand drawing for about a week now, not long enough to have it finished. Even knowing this, Jungkook still gasps when he finally looks, the reference photo, taken barely two weeks before Jimin had died, clipped to the easel just to the left of the drawing. Jimin has sketched out his hands, so Jungkook can see what Jimin had intended to achieve, but he hasn’t finished. The palm and three fingers of Jungkook’s right hand are perfect, the thumb and forefinger are just pencil sketch, ghosts, as is the left hand. This is how this drawing will always remain, frozen mid-way through creation. Jungkook knows that despite its unfinished state this drawing will be framed as it is, taking its place beside the others, finishing off the series, a poignant reminder that once an artist has gone, nothing can replace them.  
Jimin had left mid drawing, and it felt kind of fitting because Jungkook didn’t feel like they’d completed what they had, his sudden death had left Jungkook feeling as incomplete as the drawing.

 

And that’s ok, Jimin may have been a world class artist, but that wasn’t all he was, he was Jungkook’s husband, the best stepfather the girls could ever hope to have had, the most patient grandfather, the most loyal friend. He was one half of Jungkook’s world, the centre of his universe. If these last few weeks have been anything to go by, living without Jimin, just existing, is going to hurt forever. But maybe that’s ok, and maybe he can live with that for as long as he has left because it only hurts because he and Jimin loved each other so very deeply, so completely. Their story hadn’t been an easy one, it had been a fucking rollercoaster at times, and they had come close to not making it, but make it they had, and love each other they had, and nothing could ever erase that.

**Author's Note:**

> And so I finally say goodbye, nearly a year in the making it is done, something which I severely doubted would happen on so many occasions.
> 
> I have other things planned, and started. I have a VMinKook surfer AU where Jungkook is a hot as hell surfer and he and his FWB Taehyung can't keep their eyes off the cute local pink haired boy while they're on holiday. And a YoonMin ABO featuring a very innocent Jimin and his new roommate, bighearted Yoongi. I have promised myself that I will finish writing before I publish anything though, I cannot handle the stress of trying to write to a time schedule again.
> 
> If you have read along, laughed and cried along with me and the boys on their journey, or maybe you found this once it was complete and enjoyed it anyway, thank you. Thank you for reading, taking time out of your day to give me a kudo's, a bookmark or a comment, they really all do mean the world to me.
> 
>  
> 
> Love you all


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